Lucky Thirteen and Counting

Most of the time, I would be one that makes light of a kid getting caught with a playboy, or spending a little too much time in the shower. But the issue we are currently dealing with is not one to take lightly or joke about, in my opinion. This kid, is a child, not an adolescent.

It began on September 19, 2007. I remember the date because I sent an email to Bronson asking for his expert advice on being a boy and whether what I found on the computer was “normal” boy behavior or “concerning” boy behavior.

In the email, I stated that I had found porn on a computer. In the history of one of the little kid’s computers “nipplz.com” and “grlzbuts.com” had both been searched. It seemed like something to chuckle about at the time, because the boys were so young and innocent. I was proud of the attempts at words, but not at THE words. This child was clearly sounding things out. At that point in 2007, I was thrilled.

Much to my dismay, the searches did give this child of mine what he was looking for. While only seconds were spent on each sight, it certainly alerted us to the fact that we needed parental controls on the computers. We spent the rest of the day installing safety zones on each of the four Mac’s we had at the time.

Fast forward to present day, now almost two years later. Without giving you the identity of my child, I will say this, he is under twelve years old.

Two months ago, I was changing the sheets on his bed, and I found two of my Victoria Secret catalogs, and a bunch of candy tucked into the side of his bed. I was pissed. He has been stealing my magazines and my treats. I tried to be calm, but all the while I was thinking back to 2007. This child had just busted himself. Since at the time of the computer incident, I had two kids on the exact same reading and spelling level, that both spent equal amounts of time on the computer, I was never sure who had done it. Both children insisted it hadn’t been them and promised and swore they would never type such things. I had my suspicions then, and at the time of the sheet change, eighteen months later, they were confirmed.

I approached said child, with the stash of goodies in my hand, and very calmly talked to him about taking things that don’t belong to him. I didn’t flip out, because this child is explosive and reactive. I had a very calm and very nice talk about being sneaky, stealing, and asking for things before taking them. I didn’t say a word about the content of the magazine, or about why he had them, or what he was doing with them. Because what do I say? I honestly don’t know. This child is a child and shouldn’t even be thinking about things like this.

I am a pro about sex talks with my kids. Sex isn’t a private matter in this house. It isn’t a dirty word. Questions get answered and discussed weekly. But this child hasn’t even had his first maturation clinic at school. I have yet to see armpit hair or any other outward signs of puberty. I would have NO business talking about SEX with a CHILD! Yet, here I am faced with a child that clearly needs to have something said to him.

I am getting ahead of myself here, because I haven’t even told you about the latest and greatest.

On Sunday night, Hunter walked into the room where Brandon and I were sitting and said, “We have a problem.”
He had been in the computer room and glanced up off his computer and saw in the reflection of my glass cupboards what the other child was viewing on his computer.

Hunter said, “I can see you through the reflection, genius. Get off that computer. I am telling mom.” And that’s exactly what he did.

This child was on a computer that the kids don’t use, because we haven’t hooked up their games and approved sites to it. Desi uses it and the big kids when they are home. Clearly this child knew that things could be accessed on the internet. We pulled up the history and had to make Hunter and Hadley leave the room, it was that bad. He had been viewing this stuff in our presence all weekend long. We sit in the same room he does, but because of the way that computer faces, he was never caught.

He clearly has a problem. He is bold and brave and has little, if any, remorse. He has been grounded from the computer for life. But that doesn’t solve the problem here. That just prevents him from accessing it. In my opinion the problem still exists.

This entire thing is so complicated because of the issues this child has and deals with. If it were any other child, I have great ideas of what to do. Nothing we have done or tried, in regards to other behavioral and emotional problems, has worked with this one. I am truly heartbroken that we have added this, of all things, to his already full plate of things to deal with.

I have contacted a few summer camps with therapeutic behavior specialists and counselors for him to look at. I am willing to wash my hands of summer school for him and just find him something constructive to do with his time and his mind. He needs help and I am not sure where to find it.

I could write novels about the emotional and behavior problems we have dealt with in this child. But honestly, it’s him that’s dealing with it, not me. We are just players in his life. He has been dealt a shitty hand and he is going to have a tough life. We want nothing more for him than happiness.

We spend many nights in bed discussing this kid and what the best thing is to do for him. He just doesn’t fit in any mold. He is my biggest conundrum. I love him dearly and I want him to find peace. I just don’t want that peace to be rated XXX.

Signed-
one frustrated mother

PS- If you are a regular reader, you most likely know which child this is, but please don’t name names in the comments for his sake.