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04 Aug

a few words about being a boob

Posted by Sandi in Random, export

Sometimes it's not easy being a basket case. Please tell me I am not alone in this.

I am busy preparing to drop off number 2 and 3 in two short weeks and I am ready and I am excited and it's fun having projects to do. (Read that as shopping to do.)

I have had my head wrapped around Hunter leaving for quite some time. I KNOW, without a doubt, that he is ready to do it and going to do great. I have prepared myself for the stress and the worry that I will feel having him there instead of here.

I am happy for him and proud of him.

I am excited!!

So when I logged onto the Baylor School website yesterday to find out about Hunter's summer reading, I also clicked the "drop off weekend orientation" link to see the drill for operation move-in Remember, I just did this with Shaylee three years ago so I am only brushing up. I am sitting here surrounded by the big kids, feeling excited, and I start to read aloud.

"FRIDAY-

Check in by 9am

lunch with parents in the dining hall

meetings with advisors and dorm mates.

student returns home in the evening with parents.

SATURDAY-

More meetings

finish moving in

Student remains on campus through the night

SUNDAY-

Parents depart campus by 5PM"

When I read, "Student remains on campus through the night." I couldn't even get the words out. I choked up, my voice stopped working, and all the kids behind me, reading over my shoulder, started laughing.

If I hadn't been reading aloud I think I would have been fine, maybe a pit in my stomach or a quiver in my lip, but I would have been fine. It's when I am reading out loud that it gets me every time.

At every sporting event, including our swim meets, the Pledge and the National Anthem make me cry. If I listen no problem, if I participate I am screwed.

When I used to go to church, I could mouth the words and be fine but if I sang the song, the tears would flow.

For all you Mormons out there, all I have to say is, "Oh how lovely was the morning." Seriously, I just have to say the words and I get a lump in my throat. I don't even consider myself a Mormon anymore, but the brainwashing has gone deep!!

I am tired of bawling all the time. It takes a lot of energy to either cry or to fight it. HELP! Any idea how to stop this insanity?

22 Comments »

28 Jul

Change

Posted by Sandi in Random

My web design guy is almost done with my new blog. I am excited and terrified. You all know how well I do with change. I might have it up and running for 24 hours, burst into tears, and go back to this old thing. I have a very difficult time letting things go. I am also kinda weird and develop attachments to "things."

In a random conversation the other day, Brandon asked me what I would want my next bed to look like. Why would he want a new bed? I love my bed. I am attached to my bed. We have spent four years in the this bed. I have had mind blowing sex in this bed. I have cried myself to sleep in this bed. I have solved huge problems in this bed. I LOVE THIS BED! I can't and I won't ever part with this bed!

Speaking of new things…

We were sitting alone by the pool the other day. I pulled my swimming suit down to check out the healing of my boobs and Hadley walked outside at that very moment. She goes, "Are your nipples real?"

"Yes, my nipples are real."

"OH! Will they ever look normal?"

For the record. My nipples look great, I have no idea why this child doesn't think my nipples are real or normal looking.

Damn kids.

And speaking of irritating…

My children harass me about my arm hair. Do you shave your arms? Is this a generational thing, like pubic hair? If you are younger than 30 you most likely don't have pubic hair, if you are older than forty you most likely do.

What should I do?

Maybe I am attached to my arm hair. Maybe I will burst into tears the moment it's gone. My arm hair and I have been through a hell of a lot together…. and It gives my arms a little oomph.

24 Comments »

22 Jul

some days are harder than others

Posted by Sandi in Random, mental illness

First, before I begin whining about my day.

A few of you have had questions about Hunter switching from Guanfacine to Guanfacine.

The best way I can explain the switch is this, If you are at the store and want to buy ibuprofen, there are multiple different names to buy it under. ADVIL, MOTRIN, generic brand, CHILDREN"S MOTRIN, INFANT MOTRIN. You get the idea. They are made at different companies with different fillers.

If ibuprofen came out with a new bigger better pill that was time released and you could take it once a day and be pain and fever free all day long….. Well, that is what we are doing with Hunter. It's the new Guanfacine, better company, longer acting, less side effects, less fillers.

Hunter made a graph to show the difference.

We start his first pill tonight. PRAISE THE LORD!

Moving on-

********************************

Brandon has STREP throat. He is sicker than a dog. Two nights ago he begged me to kill him. I thought about it for a split second and realized if he is that miserable, I need to take him to the Doctor. He has been burning up with fever, freezing his ass off, aching and wanting to die.

I hauled him to the Urgent Care yesterday morning. They took half a look at him, told him to drink lots of fluid and get plenty of rest. "YOU HAVE A COLD."

WTF?

I told the idiot in a uniform that he needed to run a flu test on him because he had classic symptoms of the flu and ZERO symptoms of a cold. AND I HAVE FIFTEEN KIDS AT HOME, PLUS COMPANY, AND IF HE HAS THE FLU, IT HAS TO STOP HERE!!!!

The Dr. walked out, got a swab, stuck it up his nose and said, "You'll have results in three days."

At this point my temperature was rising.

If we won't have results for three days, he will continue to feel like shit, and breathe germs all over my house, and infect my FIFTEEN KIDS PLUS COMPANY and too much time will have passed to catch it with Tamiflu.

"Would you mind writing a prescription for tamiflu?"

"i guess I could do that."

DUH!

I was furious!

While Brandon was waiting for his script and paying his pointless bill, I got on the phone and called Kelly.

Kelly is a dear friend. She became a dear friend because she is the office manager at the pediatricians office. ( I have spent a lot of time there.)

I told her that the idiots at Urgent Care told me it took three days to get results for a flu swab. She confirmed that I knew what I was doing, and that there are indeed rapid tests for H1N1 and that she had them there. "Which kid you bring you bringing in hon?"

"ummm…… Brandon? Will Dr. Lin see him?"

SIlence

"Hold on, I'm going to ask."

I held for a moment, Brandon was still paying, and she came back on the phone and said, "BRING HIM OVER!"

I LOVE my DOCTORS and my KELLY!

We drove straight there.

Brandon was miserable and mortified and said, "I HATE MY LIFE."

Once there at the pediatric clinic, Dr.Lin took one look at him said, I want to do a strep test.

and you guessed it, it was positive. He got his antibiotics and a sticker.

I was, and still am, beyond grateful for my team of professionals. Brandon is doing much better today. I think I am going to transfer my medical records over to SoCal peds.

************************************************

So, add the med switch going on for Hunter, a sick husband, stressing out of mind about whether or not to go to BlogHer, and all the other life stuff that happens daily…..

I hit the wall.

Last night, after being awaked by Parker twice, Pauline the hair braider once, and Brandon getting in and out of bed for medication multiple times…. I just laid there. I couldn't settle down. I couldn't fall back to sleep, so after one hour of listening to Brandon clear his throat and swallow repeatedly I got up and took a Xanax.

I got up this morning at seven I am told, I think I got the kids to school and I went back to bed and regained my sanity and my wits at 10:30 this morning.

I think I took that pill too late or something.

Or maybe I am just fried and finally hit the wall.

Either way, I am being kind to myself today. I am doing small amounts of laundry. I am speaking softly and praying for patience, because mine seems to have gone out the door.

Maybe I will find it in New York because I am going. My kids could care less if I am at the meet or not, in fact, a few of them thought it might be less embarrassing without me there screaming and cheering. It was ME that felt awful about missing the meet. I LOVE seeing my kids kick butt. It's the competitive side of me. I am sure I will be on the phone all day Saturday for a play by play. But I am ready for a break.

Brandon is joining me. Shaylee and CeCe are manning the troops. I am going to have fun. But if I don't I will give a play by play of the drama.

Deep Breath

14 Comments »

19 Jul

Is this OCD?

Posted by Sandi in Brandon, Random

I do all of Brandon's laundry. I hang it up and he goes in behind me, within hours, and rearranges it so it's correctly placed according to color, collar, pants, shorts…..

Am I the crazy one or is he?

I do have to admit he has a pretty good looking closet.

If this is OCD I wish I had it in small doses.

So how many of you do this with your clothes?

28 Comments »

16 Jul

here we go again

Posted by Sandi in Random, blogging, swimming

I don't know if I should go to BlogHer.

I received an email today from our team.

The division finals for our swim league are that same Saturday.

I honestly don't know if I can miss it.

It's the CHAMPIONSHIP.

SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

34 Comments »

15 Jul

doing something right

Posted by Sandi in Random, Religion

This rainbow went right over the top of our house. I think that God was telling me that it's okay if I don't go to church. I am going to take it as a sign that we must be doing something right.

Comments Off

08 Jul

water plus eighteen equals chaos!

Posted by Sandi in Random, family

After this group shot, all hell broke loose. Uncle Brett is a monster and insisted on playing games that could result in injury or death. The kids have never had more fun. I've learned, especially with boys, that if the game is dangerous or insane, they love it even more.

I was busy working as a lifeguard…. Or a referee…. Or maybe I was just busy chit chatting with my cute sister-in-law. Whatever I was doing, I was cold. It's been especially nippy here in So Cal. I am thinking about moving to Arizona.

Pickle could care less what the temperature is. At this very moment here she is in TIME OUT! She doesn't look the slightest bit phased does she?

Hang in there with me through all this company. I have been running around entertaining and trying to keep my rated R house to a mellow PG. Having Mormons here full time has proven a little stressful. I haven't dropped the F-bomb yet, but Shit, Damn, Bitch, and Hell fly out of my mouth hourly. I am struggling, but still having a blast!

And this is for the person asking how we will feed so many….

The all-american way!

12 Comments »

05 Jul

ask Sandi

Posted by Sandi in Random, cosmetic surgery

I have had lots of questions about all the cutting I had on my poor breasts. I will do my best to explain what happens to women when they nurse four babies and get old. Gravity is not our friend. Yes, it holds us to the planet, but it also attempts to hold our boobs there as well. Time and gravity are not friendly.

In 2005 I got breast implants. At that time I did not need a lift, only more volume and I was forced to get saline. In 2005, the FDA only allowed silicone implants to be used in reconstructive cases. I begged for a lift but my measurements wouldn't allow it. Well, thanks to the added volume and five more years, my boobs hit the floor and I qualified for a lift and silicone.

I chose Dr. Batra to do the surgery because of the technique he uses: even though the "lollipop incision" is done around the nipple for the lift, the actual nipple is not removed, therefore no nerves are severed in the process. I am a big fan of my nipples and the sensation they have and I wanted to keep it. It was well worth the drive to San Diego to keep my nipple sensation intact.

I hope that helps explain the hack job you saw. They look even better today. The bruising is fading and the scabs are coming off. The view from the top, looking down, is great….. it's when I look in the mirror at them head on that I get a little queasy and the room starts spinning.

I will keep you all posted on the scarring. I honestly don't know what to expect. However, I'll tell you this, they look freaking awesome in clothes, and they feel even better, almost like real boobs. :)

*************************************

This week we are having company. Brandon's brother is coming down with his wife and seven kids, They will be staying today-Friday. On Wednesday, Brandon's four boys will be joining us. Eric (Shaylee's boyfriend) is still here. And Heather (Bronson's girlfriend) will be coming on Friday. The next two weeks will be NUTS!! Thank the good Lord above for my Wellbutrin. I couldn't have done this without it. I am honestly excited for this chaos. I think it will be a blast. If any of the rest of you want to come visit, COME ON DOWN!

7 Comments »

30 Jun

disturbing things

Posted by Sandi in Random, blogging

I have a sister that beltches like a man. She has done it since she was little. In fact, my entire family of birth is pretty gassy. EXCEPT ME, I am not gassy. I am not a burper or a farter. I am not saying that I never have or I never do, i just don't make a habit of it, and I certainly don't do it around other people.

I have a daughter and a brother that think pooping is an activity and something that is completely appropriate to discuss all the time because we all do it and why should it be private? Said brother even tells the entire office to, "hold his calls he is taking a dump."

I will talk about sex all day long. You want to know the last time I had sex, pull up a chair, I will tell you all about it.

I will also talk about money all day long.

For me, burping, farting and pooping are private matters, but sex and money are not.

Somebody said I have no filter. Oh but I do…. I filter my farts and poop.

You're Welcome!

The previous post was filled with fabulous comments. I love hearing how people feel about this stuff. I think that money falls into the same category as pooping and sex. If you don't have money, you want it. If you aren't having sex or pooping regularly, you want that too. Some people are uncomfortable talking about money and some people are uncomfortable talking about pooping and sex. We are all different. We all have different upbringings. We all have different sensitive spots. But isn't that what makes this world so great? WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT and I LOVE IT!

Thank you all for being so cool and understanding.

I have a crazy week. We rolled back into town after four days of bliss in Vegas and went straight to a swim meet. My kids did great. *BRAG BRAG*

My chest is still healing, but throbbing and stinging.

On the way home from Vegas this little conversation took place after I choked and gagged on an In&out burger. (I took too big of a bite is all.)

"Are you 100% positive you aren't pregnant?"

"Yes, I know I am not pregnant."

"Do you have any symptoms?"

"well… my boobs hurt fucking bad."

and if that offended any of you…… I don't fucking care!

(oh that sounds so mean. I really do care. I love you all!)

22 Comments »

20 Jun

up to my ass in alligators

Posted by Sandi in Brandon, Colby, Random, birthday, blogging, cosmetic surgery

I can't keep up. For all of you, through the years, that have asked me time and time again. "How do you do it all?" This is for you. I DON'T!

Colby's birthday was yesterday. NO POST!

Dalin's birthday was last week. NO POST!

Today is father's day- NO POST!

What kind of horrible mother/blogger am I?

This end of the school year is kicking my ass. Every kid has three or four big things going on. Plays, concerts, field days, final exams, lake trips, graduations, special dinners….. I can't keep up.

Since I was drowning in activities anyway, I figured I would just check out for a few days and scheduled surgery for Tuesday.

The way I see it, I just bought myself two free days to lay in bed and dictate to the rest of the world what needs to be done. I'll get up on Thursday when it's all over.

SWEET SWEET SUMMER!

***************************************

Happy Birthday COLBY MICHAEL-

Coco turned Twelve yesterday. The anticipation of the day is always 100 times better than it actually is. We went to Game Stop to buy games for his PS3. That took all of ten minutes for him to blow through his birthday money.

Then he wanted Chinese Food for his birthday so we went to PF Changs. He couldn't sit still. He was up and down and driving me crazy. He had new games to play. Every five minutes he asked, "Are we done yet?"

Brandon and I gave up. We came home… and we didn't see him for the rest of the night.

At bedtime, he said, this was the best day of my life.

So I guess we did something right, or he was stoned out of his mind from sitting in front of the PS3 all day. Normally there is a one hour limit of screen time, but on birthdays I close my eyes to it.

Colby,

You make me happy mister! I love watching you grow up. You are an amazing kid. I can't wait to see what this next year is going to bring. You meet every challenge that's thrown at you. YOU ARE AN INCREDIBLE PERSON! I am so proud to be your mama!

Happy Birthday baby. I love you.

************************************************

Happy Father's day to the man of my dreams and the greatest father on the planet.

There is nothing sexier than a man with a baby.

Or a man in a hat.

I love you baby. Thank you for parenting this tribe with me. I couldn't ask for a better daddy for my kids. Seriously, when I found myself single parenting 100 kids, I never in a million years thought I would remarry and put my kids in the situation of having a "step dad."

I am so glad you came in my life and knocked me off my feet, because what you have given my kids and done for my kids is extraordinary. They are so lucky to have you as their daddy. I will be forever grateful for the example you are to them.

I hope you have the best day EVER!

*****************************************************

Happy Father's day to all you Dads out there.

5 Comments »