having babies « Lucky Thirteen and Counting

Archive for the ‘having babies’ Category

12 Apr

number sixteen?

Posted by Sandi in Adoption, having babies, large families

We are a divided household.

If you don't know what I am referring to in this post, please read here first.

I feel much like I did when I used to fight with my ex about adopting a baby that I KNEW was ours.

My Ex would have been fine with four bios and Ty. PERIOD. The other kids took days of fighting, begging, pleading, and making promises I didn't intend to keep. I went to bat for those babies because I KNEW in my heart of hearts, in my deepest soul, that those babies belonged with me. If I didn't feel passionately connected or bonded, I was happy to allow those babies to move on to another family. My babies, the ones that are here today, took a fight. I fought for them, because I KNEW they were supposed to be here.

I am there with M's baby. Though I have said a thousand times before that "we are done", that doesn't mean the Lord agrees. It's hard for me to feel any differently about another adoption than it would feel if I found out next month that I was expecting. To me, the Lord knows that we will care for any children that he needs us to. Because we are done, we would never be looking for a baby. But if M, or any other of our children's birth parents needed us to adopt a baby, I am willing.

But-

BUT-

I am alone in this.

My worries of explaining to the girls that they had a sibling that was placed with another family are NO MORE, all I have to say is "Talk to your father."

I am just afraid he is not thinking clearly about this. Or maybe he is the only one thinking clearly. Not sure on that one yet. In Brandon's defense, he has done an amazing job at not only supporting these kids, but being a daddy to them as well. He may feel maxed out and to capacity. I won't lie. I feel that too. But I believe I have a calling to raise these kids and do the best I can do with what and whom I am given. Does that make me a saint? HELL NO. But it makes me very fearful of the backlash if I don't do what I have been called to do.

Not raising this child feels much different than just knowing that there are other bio siblings out there. I would dare say that every single one of my adopted children have a biological sibling out there somewhere. In fact, I can guarantee that with all but two of them. Ty and Brylee's birth parents I am unsure of. Pickle's parents are in touch with me and I haven't heard any news of a pregnancy from either one of them. Ty's birthmom was thirteen when she placed Ty for adoption. I never knew her. I have never been contacted by her, so I have no idea if she has ever married or had other babies. But all the others, I know they have, or have since had, other babies.

If I got a call from any of my children's birthmoms, saying they were pregnant and placing their baby, I would feel the same way I feel about M. I feel like, if they are presented to us, if we are made aware of these people, and they are placing them for adoption, there is a reason for this. If M didn't want us to have that baby. The story completely changes. That would be no different then her calling to just say, "I am pregnant and keeping this child." It wouldn't belong to me. It wouldn't even be an option. Therefore, having that baby be in my every thought would be pointless. It wouldn't be MY child. Am I making any sense? Walking away from a child that has been presented to me, that feels like mine is…… Um……. It's impossible. I honestly don't how I will do it.

I have wondered if maybe having the agency place the baby with someone I know and that I am close to would be a solution. But the thoughts of rolling into kindergarten and seeing Ellie's brother or sister in a stroller, kinda makes my chest tighten up. I don't want this baby to be anywhere but in our arms and in our home. I think I felt the same way when I had Brylee and I was trying to find a family to adopt her…. Every family that called to say, "I may be willing. Tell me more about her." made me panic. Those calls would make my heartache and I felt like someone was standing on my chest. Why in God's name I didn't know she was mine from those feelings alone is beyond me. But for ten days I "attempted" to place her with an adoptive family. I feel the same way right now. If I pick up the phone and call Dee, I would be telling her, "I am taking this baby no matter what Brandon says." I am avoiding her and that phone call. I am praying like a crazy person for Brandon to say, "Bring on the babies!! The more the merrier!!"

Brandon will have to make the call to Dee. I am terrified of the outcome. Will I be able to live with myself? How can I not fight for this child? I have never put a man before a child in my entire life. I feel like this is a true test of my commitment. How can I just let this baby go without a fight? But, how can I jeopardize my marriage and the stability of this family by not putting Brandon first.

This is a fucking nightmare!

I am a fighter when it comes to "my" kids. BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A MARRIAGE LIKE THIS ONE BEFORE. In my previous marriage, I called the shots, I was the boss, I had the say. I honestly didn't care too much about what my spouse had to say in regards to family planning. In this marriage, I feel like we are a partnership. I care so much about what Brandon thinks and feels that there have been a few times in this marriage that I lost myself. But then I started blogging and found myself again.

What I am trying to say is this. Brandon is here 24/7. All the fights I used to make about me doing the kids and me knowing what I am capable of doing' are pointless in this marriage. If he says, NO! That is it. I guess I have to see how it feels to let one go. Because as much as I want to do it, as willing as I am to take as many as M pops out, If Brandon doesn't feel the same way, I am not going to jeopardize this marriage and this family by doing so.

That doesn't mean I don't feel badly about it. That doesn't mean I won't pray that his heart softens. But for now, I am alone in my desire.

I hate being alone.

33 Comments »

04 Mar

YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER!

Posted by Sandi in Parenting, having babies

Do you-

feed on demand or on a schedule?

breast feed or bottle feed?

immunize or not?

educate in public schools or private schools?

let your babies cry themselves to sleep or rock them to sleep?

let your babies sleep in a swing, carseat, or playpen?

let your babies sleep on their tummies?

let your kids eat what they want whenever they want or make them eat what you prepare on your schedule?

spank your children?

let them have sleepovers with friends?

let them sleep in your bed?

do homework?

make them do chores?

enforce bedtime?

insist that they address adults with Mr. or Mrs.?

give allowance?

force activities of any sort, ie sports, music lessons, tutoring, playdates?

If you answered yes or no to any of these questions, YOU ARE A BAD MOTHER!

Somebody somewhere will feel so strongly that what you are doing with your children is SO WRONG that it borders on abuse.

PARENTS, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

I think it's time to throw in the towel and stop having babies, because according to everything and everyone I have ever read, none of us are doing it right. Not. One. Damn. Person.

to be continued…….

56 Comments »

27 Oct

I have FIFTEEN effing KIDS!

Posted by Sandi in Adoption, My kids, having babies

….and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Brandon and I were trying to wrap our brains around this the other night. So we both didn’t get overwhelmed and start sobbing, we kept each other in check.

I offered the fact that fifteen is only three groups of five. Hell, I can do three groups of five with my eyes closed. That’s nothing.

Brandon mentioned that if this were a classroom, people would be begging to have their kids here. Fifteen kids, two full time adults, a part time helper, four older peers to mentor. CAKEWALK!!!

We thought we would be overwhelmed.

We thought fifteen would be TOO many.

Night after night I psyched myself up for hiring more help if we needed it. Letting my laundry go a day or two if necessary, or even giving the responsibility of my laundry to the housekeeper. I thought for sure, the sleepless nights would suck the life out of me and ruin my sex life. I thought a new one would knock Ellie and Parker off their thrown, stress Pickle out, and upset the apple cart. I thought one more would make my smooth operation come to a complete halt for months.

Nope.

Nada.

NONE OF THIS HAS HAPPENED!

Everyday I wake up to Sailor’s little face and wonder how on God’s green earth I ever lived a day without her.

For the record, I highly recommend fifteen children.

This is my happily ever after.

19 Comments »

11 Oct

Saying good-bye

Posted by Sandi in Adoption, having babies

For twenty four more hours, I have two new babies. I have a son, Trevin Cole, and I have a daughter, Sailor Grace. Tomorrow afternoon, I will only have one. Tomorrow I will bid farewell to one of those children. I am feeling the loss already.

Brandon and I laid in bed last night and talked about these children. A boy would be so nice for Parker. His closest brother is Jace and he is seven years older than him. It would be nice for Ellie to be the princess in the middle. A girl, on the other hand, would be so fun for Ellie. Sharing the biological bond with a sister so close in age would be extraordinary.

The three Amigo’s, Jace, Jazzi, and Kate, have been a fun group to have. A repeat of that group will be awesome. But I have had such strong boy feelings this past month. I think Trevin is the one coming. And I have never wavered on him or his name. I call the nursery Trevin’s room. The car seat is Trevin’s car seat. All of Ellie’s adoption papers are in a file titled Trevin. Because, when we were matched to a baby boy in May of last year, that was who he was, and I have never bothered to change it. I just put Ellie’s stuff in that file. Poor Ellie. She may get a new folder this week.

However, Sailor never leaves my mind. Sailor is a name I have carried around with me for years. The thought and idea of every single female child has started with Sailor, and for some reason or another, they have turned into other names. This baby as well.

In July, she was Sailor. By the time the big kids went back to school she was Aliyah. Last week, she was Piper. When I learned the induction date was Monday, I immediately went back to Sailor. It’s Columbus day for Hell sakes. What better name is there? I also think, because we feel very done, that I will regret not using the name I love so much.

So today, I am going to enjoy the idea of both Trevin and Sailor joining our family. Both will be hard to let go of. Surely, I am not alone in this. I felt this same way when I was carrying my bio’s. With Bronson, I said good- bye to Shaylee. With Shaylee, I said good-bye to Mason. With Hunter, I said good-bye to Brynlee and with Hadley, I bid farewell to Brock. All of these people, or ideas of people, I carried with me for months. I made plans for them. I had clothes, blankets, and dreams for them and with one sentence, "It’s a _______" those dreams ended. The clothes were given as gifts and the little person that joined our family sucked us into them. But, lingering in the back of my mind, is the person they weren’t. The idea of the other. So today, I am relishing in the joy of both, the fun of a sister and a brother, and the joys of a daughter and a son. Tomorrow we will know.

I can hardly wait.

15 Comments »

16 Aug

A club I DO NOT want a membership to

Posted by Sandi in Adoption, having babies, large families, mental illness

I can’t sleep. I have to clear my head of this terrifying thought that pushed itself into my mind as I was soaking in the tub. I spent the afternoon with two blog friends. I had lunch in downtown disney with Loralee and Heather.

You have all heard me profess my love for Loralee of looneytunes multiple times on this blog. I adore this woman. We have spent a lot of time together since her judgy post about large families. (I have single handedly changed her mind on large families by the way.) When I learned she was coming to California, I made her promise to play with me. Loralee thought I would also adore Heather, so she invited her to hang with us as well. Heather is a love. I could totally be friends with her. She lives just up the 405. Anyway, long story short, I watched these two woman at lunch today and saw the bond that was so apparent to even an outsider. This bond is one that can only be created by a shared loss. A loss so profound that they would give up everything to not know it. They have both lost a child.

The thoughts of this…. I can’t imagine and I don’t even want to. But there is the voice in the back of my mind. It nags at me. It reminds me of the feelings I had after reading this post. It reminds me late at night how I read and read the words on that haunting page. It pushes the thoughts into my head when the house is quiet. It wants me to feel the things I am feeling, to face the unknown and possibilities. I wonder often if there is indeed a reason I became such fast friends with Loralee. Is she going to have to be the one that picks me up and reminds me that life will go on even when you don’t want it too? Is there a reason I have read this post so many times I feel like I was there with her?

I pray my suspicions are wrong. I pray I never join the club that they belong to. With every child that becomes mine, the chances increase. My number may come. I may walk into a room and find a child lifeless in bed. I have children with medical uncertiantlies that increase the odds of that happening even more. The odds are stacked against me in every way.

There are days these thoughts never push their way forward. They are the days I am too busy to give one more hug, too tired to hold them any longer, frustrated with a crier, quick to scold, intolerant with a mental delay. I have days like this more than I care to admit. It will be a day like this that I find myself with one less. Why isn’t this fear enough to make me the perfect mother? Why can’t I hold and cherish every moment with every child just in case?

Even sitting there in that restaurant, watching them tread lightly over the subjects, both cautious of each others feelings and how and where each other is in regards to the healing, makes me very aware of how real it is. But until you go through it you never know. I spent a good part of the night in my own thoughts, wondering how I would handle it. Would I box up that child’s possessions and get rid of every physical reminder of them, or would I want those things around in every room? How long does it take for the pain to go away? You could never forget, but I don’t think you would want to. I hate that I am even wondering about these awful things. WHY am I wondering this?

************************************************************************

I am sitting here now, one week later from the time I sat at lunch with my friends, and I am still spinning in my thoughts and vacillating on whether of not to even post such thoughts and fears. I don’t want these words to give my fears any weight. I don’t want to hear from the rest of you that my feelings are not normal. I want all of you to tell me that you too fear often that one of your little ones will be called home too early.

I want to know that all of the funerals I have planned in my mind in the quiet night is a normal mother thing to do. I want to know that I am friends with Loralee because we have much in common and that one of those things will never be a dead baby.

When I carried my very first child I was only seventeen years old. I carried him for seventeen weeks. We heard a heartbeat at thirteen weeks and never heard it again. At the following appointment, four weeks later, there was no heartbeat. I was sent for an ultrasound and there on the screen was a fetus floating in vast darkness, lifeless, absent a heartbeat, just floating in the dark, only moving when the tech pushed too hard with the wand. Floating babies still haunt my mind.

With every subsequent pregnancy I held my breath when they listened with the dopler. I got physically sick before every ultrasound. With every birth I delivered earlier and earlier. WIth every child the odds of survival got lower. When I wasn’t fearful of losing the pregnancy I was afraid of losing them in the NICU, then at home in the quiet of a nap, then when they were toddlers, I was sure they would get hit by a car, or choke on their food. When they were older every headache was a brain tumor, every fever was cancer. When they go off to school, I am sure they will be a statistic of a teenage driving accident, or alcohol poisoning. Suicide terrifies me and mental illness runs rampant through my veins.

Yet, here I am ready to bring one more home to fuss over and worry endlessly about. One more to keep me standing watch and praying endlessly for. I want to be a mom to all fifteen of these babies for years and years. I want to physically mother them and keep them in my arms for as long as I possibly can. I don’t want regrets. I don’t want to long for them, to wish I would have hugged them one more time, or read them one more story. I am not strong enough. I want to keep my babies.

Sending out a plea to God and universe.

I can’t lose a child.

I can’t.

20 Comments »

04 Aug

Things I love

Posted by Sandi in having babies

Girl Hat

Boy Hat

Girl

Boy

Baby clothes and surprises…. It just doesn’t get much better than this.

26 Comments »

30 Jul

Fifteen

Posted by Sandi in Adoption, IVF, having babies

I’ve been trying to write this post for over a week and I’ve yet to find the words. I have been agonizing over this. I want to share, but I have been struggling to find my voice in it all. Let me rephrase that, I have a voice, I just want you to hear it the way I’m intending you to. That’s what I am struggling with.

If you have been reading me for awhile you know this stuff, but for my new readers I will share again. We know we aren’t done having babies. We have gone back and forth on IVF vs another adoption. When we took the nursery down and moved Ellie into the girls room, I was sick. I knew I couldn’t give the cradle away just yet, but I didn’t have a strong feeling that a baby was right around the corner either. I also had NO idea how the next one was going to arrive.

I am a huge fan of adoption, but I have longed, for so long, to carry another baby. I also wanted to have a bio baby with Brandon. There is a closeness and connection that comes from creating a child with another person that can’t be duplicated. For those reasons, IVF has been my first choice. Brandon however feels completely different than I do. He hates watching me go through hell and ending up with nothing. I also think living with someone on that many hormones may be HELL. I’m not sure. I personally think I am a gem all of the time.

We have had LONG and DEEP discussions and maybe an argument or two about it, but we have never been able to find ourselves on the same planet at the same time. It’s been emotional hell letting go of the dream and there are times I still find it lingering in my heart. I find myself hoping and wishing that I could just get pregnant and carry a baby to term like the rest of the world, but I am trying to let it go. I am trying to move on from my fertile youth and stop looking back. I will be thirty eight in October. I need to hang up the maternity clothes and put away the "conceive" magazines and move on. I have failed at IVF twice. I will never again carry a baby.

These last few months Brandon and I have been toying with the thought that Ellie Brooke may be the caboose. These kids have been kicking our butts. We are getting old and tired, and because I have wanted a homegrown child and he felt better about continuing on the adoption path, it seemed easier to just be done. Besides that, Ellie is the best baby we have ever had. She is a delight and perfect ending note to this amazing family.

I have always known when another is coming and though I haven’t felt DONE, I haven’t felt like washing newborn onesie’s in dreft either. That’s always a telling sign.

DEEP BREATH

On July 15th, Dee called me. Dee is one of my best friends in the entire world and also the adoption agency director of Heart and Soul Adoptions. That is the agency we adopted both Parker and Ellie through. She called to tell me how much she enjoyed reading my drama with my mother the previous night. Because Dee and I have been friends since we were 16 years old, she is more familiar with the battle’s involving my mom than anyone else. She laughed her butt off at the texts my mom sent and offered condolences for being born to dysfunctional parents.

We spent about 30 minutes discussing my issues, my ex, and other family idiots and when I felt like I had taken way too much of her precious time, I told her I would let her go and thanked her for the call. That’s when she dropped the bomb on me.

Dee said, "I was actually calling to tell you that Ellie’s birth mom is expecting again."

Me- "WHAT? How did that happen?"

Dee- "umm, she had sex."

Me- "Well, I know she had sex, but I thought she had her tubes tied when Ellie was born."

Dee- "Apparently not."

…and after that, I am not sure what the conversation was. I think I said, "Of course we want the baby, it’s a biological sibling of our daughter." I may have screamed with joy, or groaned in stress. I think I asked for details like due date and gender, but I honestly don’t know. I have been all over the place emotionally since that little phone call.

and that’s about where I still am. ALL OVER THE PLACE!!

I should be thrilled and elated and overflowing with joy.

But I’m not there yet.

Instead, I am questioning my sanity, my ability, and my emotional state.

I am questioning the space, the bank account, and the job security.

I am questioning my stamina, my judgement, and my overall mothering.

Can I do another one this soon? Am I doing it for the right reasons? Are there right reasons? Will little ones be lost in the shuffle, will I be able to provide myself fully to each and every person in this house? Should I start drinking agin?

I laid in bed last night, fighting the tears and wondered if I was a good enough mom to do one more. I have felt this way twice before. Once was before Dalin joined our family and once before Brylee joined. Looking back, I know why I was stressed. I had multiple little ones under two. That’s a lot of work for anybody. But from the moment those little people arrived in my house, I never had a second thought. I have NEVER once thought that I shouldn’t have adopted those kids, or adopted them when I did. They are my children and though they didn’t come on my schedule, or within my time frame, they came when they were supposed to. There have been times in their lives and in mine that mothering the masses hasn’t been fun, easy, or convenient. But I don’t know a mother alive that feels any different, whether they are parenting one or fifteen.

Now, so I don’t lose this baby before I even get it, let me assure all of you that I am doing this. I know this child belongs in our family and I know I will rise to the occasion. But I feel much like a woman feels when they are surprised by a pregnancy. I am still in shock. I have yet to wrap my mind around the logistics. I knew we weren’t done, but I thought we would do this in a year or two. I have done three under two twice before. It can be done. In fact, they are my favorite groups to raise. But I think I was younger back then, and I didn’t have a marriage that I cared about. I also lived in Utah and in Utah, I have a village.

I may be writing this to convince myself that timing isn’t something I can control, or get to control. I may be writing this just to see how many of you think you I’ve gone off the deep end, or I may be just trying to sort out my head. Whatever the reason, I think It’s important to document the feelings surrounding the arrival of number fifteen. YES people, that’s one five.

So, with baited breath, I am announcing that we are expecting in October. October 16th to be exact. We have asked that the gender be kept a secret. I love the surprise and I haven’t had one since my bio babies.

I am beginning the homestudy process today. We have physicals to be done, FBI background screening, letters of reference to be collected, income to prove, DMV records to be requested and shared and multiple odds and ends that both the state of California and Utah need to have. It’s time consuming and intrusive. But it’s required and I am grateful I have the opportunity to do it.

I am grateful that my adoption agency reads my blog, knows me in real life, and still thinks I am a fit and proper person to raise a child.

I am grateful that Ellie’s Birth Mother requested that the babies be raised in the same home.

I am grateful that I am married to a man that loves children as much as I do.

I am grateful we have the financial ability to adopt.

AND

I am grateful that the Lord knows better than I do if and when I am done.

68 Comments »

01 May

Friday flashback and life lessons

Posted by Sandi in IVF, having babies

While I am learning to trust the Lord with our family planning, and keep my marriage together, I thought I should blog about the last time IVF crashed and burned and look at the positive that came out of it. When God closes a door, he opens a window. I got two amazing blessings through that window.

Nineteen months ago today we created these little creatures. After over 40 shots, a hell of an emotional roller coaster brought on by multiple hormones I was purposely injecting into my body, and 14 hours of travel back and forth to LA, our job was done. It was up to the Lord to make my dreams come true. I had high hopes for these little blastocysts. I had big plans and dreams for these little cells.

Benson Embryos

I produced 6 eggs to Brandon’s 100 million sperm. (I went through hell; he spent 5 minutes in the bathroom with a few inappropriate thoughts) Life is not fair…….

We left the six eggs in the lab to fertilize and grow. In that process we lost three. One was defective and wouldn’t even fertilize, two stopped developing after just a few cells, and the remaining three got an A plus score and grew to five-day blasts. They were put back inside in a “perfect transfer” and with fingers crossed they sent us home to get pregnant.

I spent two weeks on pins and needles, waiting to see if any of them would implant. I would have been over the moon with all three. I would have killed for twins, and I would have been thrilled with even one. I prayed constantly. I did everything I was supposed to do. I plead with the Lord to let at least one implant and grow. After all that we had been through, I just wanted at least one baby out of it.

The Lord had other plans. Though I was heartbroken at the time, I can’t look back and not thank Him everyday for these two precious souls he had intended for us all along. It didn’t matter how perfect things went in the lab. God is in control of our family planning. He knew that Parker and Ellie would need us and that if our hands were full with triplets, twins or even one for that matter, we wouldn’t be adopting.

Ellie Brooke 1 week

I am currently faced with the challenge, again, of listening to the Lord. This is not one of my greater strengths. Knowing Ellie is NOT the last baby brings about a huge predicament. It would be much easier if the answer had been “She is the caboose.” Yesterday, I wanted to pretend that was the answer I heard.

Since we can’t just have babies the natural way, we have to be pro-active in some way to keep the door open. The question lately is which door. I made the call to update our homestudy and just keep it current with our adoption agency, so if the need for us arose, we would be ready. But, Brandon and I have been arguing since Ellie’s birth about IVF. I have felt so strongly about doing it again. He is wishy washy. One day it’s a “YES”, then a “NO,” then a, “Wait a while.” He drives me crazy. I feel like I’m on the roller coaster already. Brandon may have a death wish.

I am taking a break being pro-active. Unless the Lord starts keeping me up at night with the “a babies coming” feeling I am holding off for now. I’m tired of listening anyway. Maybe he can try talking to Brandon for once.

11 Comments »

26 Apr

Old habits are hard to break

Posted by Sandi in having babies

I have been trying to get Ellie to move into her big girl crib for three months. She, however, had other plans. She wanted nothing to do with her brand new, beautiful crib, filled with gorgeous bedding, that I had to have from pottery barn. NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! When I would start heading towards her “new” room, she would cry. If I laid her down in her crib, she would cry herself hysterical until I placed her back in her port-a crib in the nursery in my room, with boy bedding I might add. There she would fall fast asleep. This is the game we’ve been playing for the past few months.

This is how I found her often.

I am happy to share that, this past week, she finally realized the jungle bedding in her port-a crib wasn’t quite as cute as the gorgeous stuff in her big, roomy crib in her new room, and she made the switch!

This isn’t the best picture, but you can see, she fits much better.

In an effort to not fall into old habits of putting her to sleep in her old crib, I knew I had to take the nursery in my room down.

As happy as I was about moving her out of the nest, I was heartbroken about putting all the baby stuff away. Is this it? Are we done? Brandon and I have wandered around here all weekend asking the same question in a hundred different ways. Is Ellie the last? Are we done? Is this it?

As we carry the swing to the garage-

“Should we update our homestudy?”

As we move the rocker out of our bedroom-

“Should we make an appointment with the IVF clinic?”

As I slide the changing table down the hall to the laundry room-

“Should we wait a year and then decide?”

So, my happy weekend of spring-cleaning turned into a deep ongoing discussion about our future and when, and if, we want to add more to this family, and if so, how are they coming?

At the writing of this post, all we know is we aren’t done. There is more coming, but we don’t have a clue how or when. So for now….. I am going to enjoy having wild sex in my room without waking a baby. We’ll see how long that lasts.

21 Comments »

02 Feb

Obsessed about babies? Hell yes!

Posted by Sandi in IVF, having babies, large families

Guess who lives up the street just a few hours?

Eight perfect babies!

Can you imagine anything more fantastic?

I can’t.

Now listen up!

I realize that I am on the different side of this rant and I appreciate that. But I am so tired of turning on the news and hearing about the women who had octuplets and what a poor choice and decision she has made. I am so damn happy for her I can hardly contain myself.

I realize that this woman does not have a husband. I also realize that she was not promiscuous like the thousands of women I know, that have a dozen babies by nine different daddies. I realize that she is living at home with her parents and trying her best to go to school and do what she loves to do, BE A MOM!

This woman has said that the other children were also created with Assisted Reproductive Technology.

Why would she think, after doing this five times before, that 8 babies would be the end result this time? The most she got before were twins. If you were in her shoes and wanted to expand your family, and chose not to sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry from the bar, then ART would be great way to build a family.

If the first ultrasound revealed seven heartbeats, could you, or would you, choose to terminate any? I know plenty of people that could and would. I also know plenty that wouldn’t. Obviously she falls into the latter category.

Please ask yourself these questions?

Is this woman any different than the one that repeatedly gets knocked up the old fashioned way?
Is this woman any less of person because she wants to have children and loves to have children?
Are we judging her because she isn’t married and still using ART?

From what I hear, the thing that is freaking everyone out is the number of kids she had at home and that she was trying to have more. Guess what? I had six kids at home once and I was trying like HELL to have more and when I didn’t succeed, I adopted. Should I be on the news? You can definitely say I am obsessed with having babies. Is that bad? Am I wrong for defending this poor girl?

I want to say this, and then I will get off my soapbox. When I go back to the clinic and start the IVF process again, I think I may lie through my teeth and deny that I have other kids at home. This negative press is not going to help me have a baby. God forbid I get a litter, the media would slaughter me.

If I could pregnant on my own and I didn’t need ART, I could have as many babies as I wanted to and it would be my own business. I feel the same rules should apply to the mother of the octuplets. Whose right is it to tell a sane, law-abiding person that they can’t have more kids? Clearly she is having children because she loves them and wants them. I wish there were more of us as lucky as she is.

In a perfect world, people who didn’t want kids, or had no business raising them, wouldn’t have them. And for all the rest of us that pray daily for more kids, whether it is a first, or a fifteenth, we would be able to have them whenever we wanted to. Unfortunately it’s not a perfect world.

I am going to pray for these eight babies and her little family. I hope she has the strength to do fourteen on her own. I hope her dreams continue to come true! I will continue to defend the crazy people in the world that want large families. We may not fit into societies mold of normal, but who in the hell cares? She is clearly a good mother that loves her children and wants as many as she can have. I couldn’t be happier for her.

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