Archive for the ‘guest blogger’ Category
Hello everyone. It’s Bronson. I’m guest blogging here today to set the record straight. It seems as though everyone has their own opinions as to how I am doing, what my future holds, whether or not I’m stable, and whether or not my family is doing what’s best for me.
But before I get too far into any of that, I would like to thank everyone who has been supportive of me. My family, my friends, and my girlfriend mean everything to me. They have been loving, kind, caring, and they have ALWAYS been there for me. To all those who love me out there, I’m sorry that I scared the shit out of you a few weeks ago. I love you all and I never meant to traumatize any of you. I wouldn’t trade any of you crazy people for all the riches in the world. You’re the best support group I could ask for. Ever. I love you all.
Now it seems as though many of you people out there in the universe are overly concerned that I am a sad weepy mess, teetering on the verge of another suicide attempt. That’s not true at all. Now I can understand why many of you would believe this. Suicide and sadness usually go hand-in-hand. And yes, it’s true that I struggle with depression, but nothing that any of you commenters say, nor anything that my mother types about me on her blog is going to send me over the edge into another suicidal frenzy. Not now. Not twenty years from now. Not ever. Seriously. All you worriers need to take a chill pill and get off my mother’s back and mine. Thanks.
“But, Bronson,” I’m sure many of you are asking, “Why did you try to commit suicide if you’re not a sad and weepy mess?” Well, dearest readers, I tried to kill myself because I’m a selfish asshole who found life too hard, too repetitive, too predictable, and too stupid to go on. To me, life is like the board game Monopoly. It takes too long, it’s never fair, you go in mindless circles, and you scramble over paper money that only has value because you believe it does.
Imagine me, sitting there, playing this Monopoly game of life. I’m getting a bunch of shitty rolls, I can’t buy anything I want because I’m low on fake money, everything is unfair, and I’ve spent eighteen years playing this stupid game. I try looking for meaning in this board game, but I’ve come to recognize that it’s nothing more than a big shitty circle in which all the players fight over shit that doesn’t matter.
Talk about lame!
My suicide attempt was that board game equivalent of throwing my money down, shouting “Fuck this game,” and making a big scene about quitting to let everyone know how pissed I was. Unfortunately, in this world, when you threaten to stop playing Monopoly, you get locked in the psych ward for a few days.
I didn’t try to end my life because I was miserable. I tried to end my life because I was pissed and impulsive. Maybe, on some subconscious level, my suicide attempt was nothing more than a cry for help. But regardless of whether or not I was trying to get help, I got it. After attempting suicide, I got new meds, a therapist, a few days in the psych ward, a few weeks of outpatient programs, and lots of support from my family and friends across the globe.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve looked back at my Monopoly board of life. The game is still stupid and unfair, long and repetitive, predictable and obnoxious, but I’ve realized that my Monopoly metaphor doesn’t work as well as I’d like. If you quit a board game, you have an opportunity to read a book, or watch TV, or build a skyscraper for all I care. But if you quit on life, you lose all those opportunities. No more good times, no more fun, no more happiness, no more life, no more nothing.
I still think life sucks, but NOT living sucks even more. If I throw a bitch-fit and give up on life, I’m going to hurt everyone I’ve ever cared about and leave them behind in this shitty Monopoly world. That’s some selfish bullshit!
I’m going to keep living this game of life, thankfully playing with everyone I love. I’ll always have my family and friends by my side to help me along. And I am SO SO SO thankful for that. I love these people, and I’m not going to ruin their lives by being a selfish dick. I plan on staying in this world. Besides, Monopoly isn’t that bad when you’re playing with people you love.
Sidenote: Whoever suggested “Darkness Visible” to my mother has my ultimate respect. Best book about depression ever. If anyone wants any other good reads, check out “The Stranger” or “The Myth of Sisyphus” by Albert Camus.
I’m sorry that I put you all through that obnoxious Monopoly analogy. Thank you all for your support and constructive criticism. I love you all. Except for the haters. They can go fuck themselves.
I’m too lazy to go back and edit this. Deal with it. <3
17
Dec
guest blogger
Dave Barnes is a friend from high school. He sent me a text yesterday to see what he could do to help me, and offered to write a post. Since I just got the internet fixed, just found my camera, and barely got my man home, this blog is on the bottom of my list of "things to do." We have moved and are still unpacking and looking for things. Thank you Dave for writing this for me. Thank you Heather for doing all the links!! I will return with pictures and stories by Monday.
Year in Review
It has been almost a year now since my last and only guest post. In that year I have been fortunate enough to reconnect with Sandi and get to know Brandon and their beautiful “little” family through means other than just the blog. I read the blog but I rarely comment so I will use this opportunity to comment on some of my favorite posts and pictures of 2009.
January
1/04/09 – The entry on this day simply read, “This Blog is closed until further notice. My life is unraveling at the seams. “ I like this post because, like most of you, I enjoy the occasional drama that pops up in the blog now and again. Unlike most of you I can call Brandon up when something like this gets posted and get a little bit of the inside story. I remember calling Brandon right after I saw this post and he said something like “We’re fine, I’m fine, Sandi’s fine, the kids are fine. I love my wife and I am pretty sure she still loves me so we’ll be fine”. In her next post on 1/07/09 (the blog was closed for 3 days) Sandi says “Brandon and I live in a perpetual state of crisis all the time.” The interesting thing about this statement to me is that if you only know Brandon and talk to Brandon you would never believe something like that because the guy simply stays calm and loves his wife. He is as cool as the other side of the pillow, there is definitely a ying / yang thing happening between those two, the more I get to know Sandi and Brandon the more I understand the uniqueness of their union and the more I admire it.
1/19/09 – By far my favorite picture from the month, Bronson in blackface as MLK in the 5th grade.
1/30/09 – My favorite feel good post of the month, Ty winning the Jersey from the Orthodontist. Once you meet Ty you will never forget him. It just takes once, he is so full of love with absolutely no guile. If we could all be just a little more like Ty the world would be better for all of us.
February
02/01/09 – Sacrifice. I cannot make any comments about this post that would in any productive way add to it. It is beautiful; everyone should take a minute and read it again. One of the best quotes of the year comes out of this post, “Love is Sacrifice”. If Sandi ever wants to rename the blog I would suggest “Love is Sacrifice”, simply amazing.
02/10/09 – Happy Birthday Jayden. There were several real tuggers in the February posts, as in tug at your heart. The Jayden post is one of those. These posts where Sandi pours her heart out and reminisces about one of her children are some of the best on the blog in my opinion. These are the posts the haters should read when they heap silly accusations and criticisms on Sandi for have so many children. I believe Sandi may just have a greater capacity to love these special children and for some reason some people don’t like that. I do not want to ever be around those people. (See 02/07/09 These people suck).
2/11/09 – The girl messing with the marriage in this post sucks too.
2/19/09 – This is one of the more comical posts on the blog, Sandi’s “I am getting fat” post. Really Sandi? I know it is all relative but Really? You think you are fat? I am not buying what you are selling here.
March
3/04/09 – How do you not love a post where a woman writes an open letter to her libido. Classic stuff here Sandi. No one does TMI like you do. (See 3/02/09 if you want another example.)
3/13/09 – That tramp Mandy pops up again in March, always makes for a good post, that is if you like the drama.
3/18/09 – These are some of my favorite pictures because they are of Sandi back in the day when I first knew her. Classic big hair, that didn’t last long did it.
April
4/02/09 – Fools. This is a good post. Most people can’t be this honest with themselves in their own internal dialog let alone sharing with other people. Sandi can bring the honest truth, which is refreshing, always.
4/14/09 – The Utah visit posts are a favorite of mine because they remind me of all the cool things Sandi and Brandon did for us while staying at our home. Let me give you the short list, they fixed the wireless internet, fixed my daughters tub that wouldn’t seal, and several other things that my kids still talk about. Sandi and Brandon are two of the most generous people I have ever met.
4/14/09 – Kate’s Happy Birthday post. These posts are the best.
4/16/09 – TMI as only Sandi can.
4/22/09 and 4/23/09 – This kind of thing just blows my mind. I have no idea how you guys do it.
4/24/09 – Best picture posted that month even though it is 4 years old.
May
5/01/09 – I have learned more about women’s fertility issues from the blog then I ever cared to know.
5/08/09 – Brandon makes the rest of us (men) look bad. Not his fault, he is just that good naturally. (5/11/09 – Works for this too.)
5/24/09 – I am not sure but I think Sandi is really into Brandon. If only she wasn’t so shy and would share more we could know for sure.
5/29/09 – Best TMI post on the blog.
5/30/09 – So many good pictures in May.
June
6/07/09 – Dalin’s Birthday Post. Don’t ever miss these.
6/10/09 – Best blog post title ever.
6/13/09 – First pictures of the new house. Now you are in it. Congratulations.
6/19/09 – Another must see birthday post for Coco. These really are your best posts Sandi.
6/30/09 – This one is a classic. Bronson, make your Mom happy, hide the stupid shit you will do better.
That is it for now. Writing a post is much harder than you think. I will have to finish the year in a follow up post. Thanks for all the sharing and honesty on the blog Sandi, I know it helps others and I hope it helps you. I am really glad you have the blog, without it I don’t think I would have ever reconnected with you or been able to get to know Brandon and meet your wonderful kids.
Thanks again Sandi,
Dave Barnes
04
Jun
Hadley is guest blogging
Hadley had to write an essay about herself for her final 6th grade English project . I was so proud of her and asked her if I could use it on my blog. She was delighted to share it with us. Please show her some love. 
Personality: Crazy, caring and friendly are a few things that describe my personality. My friends think I am really funny. I am not independent. I still need my mom for really little things. I am a happy person most of the time when I pass a test or when I have a really good time with my friends. I am sad when I don’t pass a test. It also makes me sad when someone calls my friends and me hurtful names. I am an enormous risk taker. I would really want to try sky diving, big roller coasters or going into a real haunted house. I am outgoing I have lot’s of friends. I am not shy at all. I will randomly go up to someone and have a conversation even if it is the first time I met him or her. I am really helpful in my house, When it needs cleaning, or I have to take out the garbage’s, I am willing to do it. I am not a rule breaker. I try to obey the rules as well as I can. Not following the rules can ruin your reputation. I have been embarrassed a lot. I am always blushing, even if it is tripping a little or getting my chair pushed away and falling to the ground. I was really embarrassed in third grade when this kid started tickling me on the bus and I randomly started crying. I love my personality. I am glad I can make friends easily and make people laugh. Me in a nutshell: Crazy, caring, and friendly are a few things that describe me. My name is Hadley Erin. I have 14 siblings Bronson is (18) Shaylee (17) Hunter (14), Tylon (13), Jayden (11), Colby (10), Dalin (9), Jace (7) Jasmine (7) Kate (6), Brylee (5), Parker (1) Ellie (9 Months). It may seem like it is a lot but I am used to it, It is never boring here. I am interested in swimming, reading, and music. Some people have things that are challenging to them. For others things are naturally easy. One of the things that is easy for me is obeying the rules. One thing I have the most difficult time with is math. The thing that I would want people to know about me is that I value friendships, and that I love to read. I cannot live without my friends and family. They are the most important things to me. I remember living in a pink-brick house in Layton Utah for 6 years. From there we moved to California. We lived in 2 homes since we lived in California, one In San Juan Capistrano, and one in Ladera Ranch where I currently reside. What I believe in: I believe family comes first. I believe everyone should have kindness. I believe people shouldn’t talk out when someone else is talking. I also believe there should be no war because I think that war injures people and it causes people to lose family members. I Believe that kids should NOT be abused, when kids are abused they think less about their parents. I believe that every kid should have a caring family that loves him or her for who they are and not what they do. I believe all countries should have medical health, because if someone has a tiny flu they could die without medication. I mainly believe in being kind to others, being courteous, sharing with others, being generous, and encouraging. These things all help people have a better life. My hero is my mom and my sister. I look up to them because they teach good examples and they are very loving. I admire Shaylee because she is fun and positive. I hope to be positive in my lifetime. I admire my mom because she is loving and cares about me. I wish to be a loving and caring mom like her. One of my other heroes is Rosa Parks because she is a good example of someone standing up for what they believe in. Like the time she wouldn’t move to the back of the bus. I think that everyone has someone who looks up to him or her without him or her even knowing it. That’s why you should be careful of what you do and make sure you are a good example to people around. My cousin Miya looks up to me. She is 5 years old. If I had a special power I would want to be invisible because I would be able to go anywhere without anyone knowing My early years: When I was a baby I was very cuddly and chubby. My mom says I always carried around my favorite bunny and my blue sippy cup. I don’t recall sucking my thumb, but I remember sucking my blankets until I fell asleep. Every morning I woke up and sang the song Brush Your Teeth from my CD player that I learned to work when I was two years old. My favorite T.V. show was Dragon Tales and Sesame Street. My favorite book was The Giving Tree and Harold and The Purple Crayon. When my mom and dad left me they would leave me with my babysitters Mandy and Lindsy. Mandy was very playful and I was always playing games with her. Lindsy was very loving and treated me very kind. I remember going to Kindergarten in Mrs. Marble’s class and crying and crying for my mom all day. She had to take me to school and wait until I stopped crying for about 2 weeks. In the Kindergarten play I was the Baby llama who was the last to walk across the bridge. I had a Hello Kitty lunch box and I would usually have PB&J for lunch because I was big enough to make it myself. The first time I was sent to the principal’s office was because my friends Cole, Victoria, and Taylor, and I were putting rocks in the snowballs and throwing them at the fifth graders. The first time I recall being rewarded by a teacher was when I wrote 1-100 on my paper. I remember I had my first gold star on the board after that I was also sent home with a certificate. The thing that is different from elementary school is that we have to switch classes, and we get more homework. My favorite thing about my early years was my friends. I liked how I was able to play with them and not even know their name. The thing I like about middle school is that we switch classes. It was boring staying in the same class all day. My favorite subject is Social Studies. My first memory of the sixth grade was meeting Sammi and running away from the bumblebees. In my spare time I like go on AIM and talk to friends on Facebook. On weekends I hangout with my friends. I loved my early years from when I was younger but I would not want to go to back. I am happy at this age. In the future: I hope to have a perfect job as a magazine editor of my own company. I will need to go to college to be a magazine editor. I hope to attend Elon University in North Carolina. After college I am hoping to live in a little house in Southern California, with an old Mustang that’s baby blue. I am planning on having a perfect family with a perfect husband and three amazing kids. My Family and I will vacation in England for winters and in the summer we will vacation at the Bahamas. As my kids get older I am hoping they will go to a good High school and a great college. While they are in college, or living with their new families, I wish to work at an animal shelter because I love animals, and I would feel great after helping one. I don’t like to think about passing away, but when I do I would like to have my funeral here in my hometown in California. I hope there will be tears and laughs at my funeral. I hope to make it a happy funeral that makes people happy and remember me. I want people to think of all the good things that I have done while I was living. I hope loved ones talk about me at my funeral. I would want them to say “Hadley was a good mom, she was loving, and caring, she always made people laugh and always was cheering people up, she was wiling to do anything to make people happy I love Hadley I hope her kids will turn out like her. Quote: There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done. Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung. Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game it’s easy. All you need is love” -The Beatles
19
Nov
Words from Dave…
Dave Barnes is one of my many friends that I attended high school with. Our 20 year reunion is coming up and there has been a lot of reconnecting going on.
Dave thought he was the first friend from Bountiful high school to find and read the blog, and became extremely jealous when I did a post that starred his friend DW.
Dave had told DW about my blog and felt pretty jilted when DW “made cover” and he didn’t. So naturally when I needed a guest blogger, I asked DW first…. No, just kidding Dave. I asked Dave immediately! He was thrilled to do it. So with out further adieu.
Ladies and Gentleman.
DAVE BARNES-
Has Sandi seen the Face of God?
The blog the reader has now before their eyes – from one end to the other; in its whole and in its details, whatever the omissions, the exceptions, or the faults – is the march from evil to good, from injustice to justice, from the false to the true, from night to day, from appetite to conscience, from rottenness to life, from brutality to duty, from Hell to Heaven, from nothingness to God. Starting point: matter; goal: the soul. Hydra at the beginning, Angel at the end. (1242)
Yesterday Sandi asked for guest posts for her blog and I jumped at the chance. At first I was all kinds of excited until I read the Pickle birthday post. How do you follow that up? I don’t even have a uterus for hells sake. I am not equipped for that kind of depth and love if you know what I mean. I was chatting with Sandi earlier tonight mentioning how my previous efforts at blogging were more Tucker Maxx and WWTDD than Mommy Mormon Blog and I had to shut them all down to keep my status as a decent human being. Her response, “bring it on, Brandon and I are huge Tucker Maxx fans”. Well I was all set, right up until I read the Pickle Post and then the Ty post again. Once again those posts melted me back to where I no longer want to spew sarcasm and humor at the expense of all else (a common place for me to be). What is a writer in such a quandary to do, well, you do what most do when they do not know what to write, you plagiarize.
I will be stealing most of my quotes from one of my all time favorite novels, Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables. Now I know what most of you are saying, “Oh I love Les Mis”, I am not talking about the Andrew Lloyd Weber (most talented hack ever) musical I am talking about the book. If you like the story at all you will absolutely love the novel. Don’t cheat yourself and buy the abridged version either you should read the original. I have taken liberties with many of these quotes and so I will include the page numbers so you can hopefully find the real thing some day.
Here is something I will steal from VH that sums up what I felt about Sandi when I first started reading the blog a few weeks back. “A woman is a strange composite masterpiece, which strength results from an enormous sum total of utter weaknesses. Thus only can we explain a war waged by woman against woman in spite of woman.” (368) Think about that and think about a person you know (man or woman) and let that sink in. The first day I came to the blog was Nov. 9th and the first post I read was the Divorce Sucks post. The very next posts I read were Family Story 1 and 2. Like most who read these three posts in that order my initial reaction was ‘Holy Shit Sandi is nuts’.
Now Sandi is nothing if she is not up front and brutally honest and so one good turn deserves another, so here goes. Honest truth, after reading those three posts I started quick scanning the blog for more scandal. My mind racing as I read, looking for key words, it was like mining for voyeur gold in Sandis life. Is there a murder? (not yet) An ex marrying a nanny? (Yes) Great fights? (Yes) Great quotes from those fights? (Yes, here is my favorite “You shit in your bed now sleep in it.” Ouch). The only thing I was hoping for but did not find was a Lesbian angle of some kind. Sidebar: Sandi if you ever want your blog stats to go off the charts start telling about the time you accidently kissed a high school friend and liked it or other such fodder. Trust me this works, ask any guy you know. By the way did I miss anything, I have not actually read the whole blog yet.
I have checked the blog daily since I first found it. By day three it was still really fun and voyeuristic and I started leaving comments that scored the posts like the 8.5 I gave the porn star grooming post. I told Sandi she would have gotten a higher score if she had done something crazy while she was high. This is where my mind was and then Sandi hit us with the Ty post. From then on I had an entirely different perspective. This brings me to the title of this post and the question “Has Sandi seen the face of God?” This comes from one of my favorite Les Mis quotes that’s not actually from Victor Hugo but from that genius hack ALW, “TO LOVE ANOTHER PERSON IS TO SEE THE FACE OF GOD.” If this is true, and I do think it is, Sandi has seen God or at least sees him every day in the faces of her children. We should all be so fortunate.
All I think about when I read Sandi’s posts about her children is Love. There is so much love in this woman it really amazes me. It is really all I see when I look at her now. I want to see a crazy person talk about lesbian affairs and general craziness, human nature I guess, that is if you are a man. I want to see that and yet all I see is love. If this keeps up I might never come to the blog again which I am sure is disappointing to no one. I want to thank Sandi for sharing so much and end with a quote about love from old VH himself, Love has no middle term; either it destroys, or it saves. (1004) May we all try our best to add more good love to our lives.