Friends « Lucky Thirteen and Counting

Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

09 Mar

missing

Posted by Sandi in Friends, blogging

We had some friends over today. *SHOCKING*

They came from Utah. *Not so shocking*

It seems that only Utahns want to hang out with us. *Kinda sad*

Anyway… If you live in Utah and want to be my friend, I would love it! Please come down.

**********************************

This is my friend Jodi and her husband and friends. I love her! ( I hope it's okay that I publish this picture?)

She claims we met once in Utah a long time ago. Sadly, I do not remember. She has been reading my blog from moment one and we've become amazing friends because of it. Drama is NOT the only thing that blogs make…. they make friends too!

Ty entertained the heck out of everyone. Pickle walked around screeching like a Pterodactyl. The babies charmed and cooed. The other kids wandered in and out and I just plain enjoyed the adult conversation so much I may have grabbed their legs and sobbed when they were trying to leave.

I miss Utah. Okay, damnit, I don't miss Utah. I just miss having friends.

19 Comments »

23 Feb

password

Posted by Sandi in Friends, Random

I feel like a fraud when I don't share everything with you. I have never been good at keeping my secrets to myself. If they are your secrets, I can keep them without difficulty. They won't keep me up all night long, or tie my stomach in knots. But if it's my secret, or my news, or my thoughts, I need to tell you. I am the friend that calls to tell you about the inappropriate dream I had last night, because "OMG, how embarrassing… has this ever happened to you?"

Give me a friend that will listen to my woes, my deepest darkest thoughts and secrets, and still love me in spite of them, and I am happy. Thankfully, I have a few of those. Sadly, they all live in Utah.

This blog has become my friend. I want to dish my every thought and share my deepest fears. Unfortunately, people that aren't my friends read it. Until about a year ago, all my readers were my friends…. I have learned to deal with the "critics" and hope that if you read, you will become my friend, but if not, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

I am not afraid of you knowing the things I want to share. I am sure judgement will be passed. I am sure unsolicited advice will be doled out. But in the end, you will know me. You may not understand me, but you will have more pieces of the puzzle. Sadly, Brandon has NOT moved past the fear of judgement, because the business we are involved in requires him to maintain some professionalism in the industry. That means I can't blog shit about our business. He doesn't care if I blog about our insane lives, but he draws the line about business matters. That has never been a problem until now, because I needed to BITCH!

When I wrote a huge rant yesterday about the oil world and the stress that comes with it, I was met with a "Hell No! You are not putting that online." So, we compromised with a password protected post.

If you ever want to see just how many readers you have, password protect a post. I thought "giveaways" brought out the readers. Nope, it's a post they can't read.

Thank you all for the kind emails and comments. I gave out twenty five passwords yesterday and I think that is all I am going to do. In the beginning it was the business we were protecting….. But after hearing back from the twenty five people that were allowed to read my post, they seem to think I would get slaughtered online if that post fell into the wrong hands. Surprise surprise. I get slaughtered online for just being born.

Anyway, that password thing is awesome. I can talk all I want about anything I want and not one of you can read it, unless I let you. I think we are on to something here. I heard from so many of you. Most tried to prove they were "nice readers." I had to laugh at some of you. I was getting page and half long emails from people I have never seen on my blog once. The readers that got passwords were people I know, because they comment. I don't expect you to all comment on every post. Hell, I rarely comment on the blogs I read, but if you claim you have been reading me for over a year, and I don't know you at all, and your email doesn't show up in my word press… It makes me go "hmmmm."

If you read me, say "Hi" once in awhile. I love meeting you. I have made awesome friends from blogging. I never would have made them without commenting on their blogs or without them commenting on mine. Friends are so important. I have always known this, but, there is nothing like packing up and moving away from all of them to make you really appreciate just how important having a friend is. This little blog has brought on it's share of enemies, but I will take every one of them to have the friendships that I enjoy because of this place. Thank you all for making it fun to be here everyday.

Life is still stressful, it will be for a few more days. But that's life.. right? Life is not all sunshine and rainbows, even in this house.

Happy Tuesday Friends!

102 Comments »

27 Aug

friend drama

Posted by Sandi in Friends

In response to a message asking me if I was mad or upset at her. (This was after we spent the previous weekend hanging out.)

I have written three different drafts about this unnecessary drama in my life, but I can’t seem to get it right. So for lack of a better option, I have copied and pasted the emails here. Names have been removed. I am sad.

To Friend-. August 9, 2009

We are in the inland empire somewhere. Jace just made it to the finals. We are over the moon excited and proud.

Please don’t think I am upset at you ever. I just don’t have a lot of time to be a good friend. I can’t and don’t do needy. So if you need me more than you are getting me you won’t be happy with me.

Have a good week. Love you.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Dear Sandi- August 24, 2009

It’s been bugging me so I need to be upfront with you and let you know that I was hurt by your email…the one where you said, "I don’t do needy…" I really thought that we were friends, no, like family! Sandi, I adore you and your family but totally felt disregarded by your email. More like our friendship was trivialized because I reached out as a friend to you. I’m not sure what you consider needy but with my friends, I am willing to drop all that I have to come to their rescue if that’s what’s needed. I’m willing to be a shoulder to cry on, no matter what time it is. There’s something about knowing that no matter what happens, I’ve got your back and I’d hope the same for me. So, forgive me if I misconstrued that we had that type of friendship. I realize that you have a life and we live a distance but in my opinion, friendship has nothing to do with distance. If there’s a will, there’s a way. So, I guess I do, do needy…in fact, if you’re needy, that’s okay because it may be my turn this week and your turn next week but who’s keeping score?

Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s just the way I see it. I would much rather know that I’m valued as your friend than to be viewed as just one of your blog followers. At least, that’s what I’d hope for in our friendship.

I needed to get that off of my chest. Life is tough enough at times without keeping in crap instead of facing it.

Thanks for letting me be honest.

Love,

Dear Friend- August 24, 2009

First, I am beyond thrilled that you trusted me enough to share this with me. I am sorry you have carried this and that I hurt you.

My first gut is to tell you, I am not the friend you want. But, I hate to tell you that for fear you will feel tossed out. I do not want to hurt you or make you feel like I don’t want you in my life, because I do. But being a friend takes work. It’s like any other relationship, you have to give. In my life, I don’t have a lot to give. What I do have, I give to Brandon and to my kids. I feel spread thin and sometimes needy myself. BUT, I know that friendship is not one-sided. I will not be the friend who calls and needs and wants and then whenever my life is good, ignores your calls and ignores your requests for time. That, to me, is selfish and I can’t do it.

I have loved and enjoyed the friendship we have. I haven’t felt burdened, or like I have burdened you. I felt we had a good thing. A phone call when we both had time, a comment or two on the blog, a g-chat when we had a minute. I loved that you came over with your daughter and spent time with us. But, I loved that you had other readers, other friends, and a life in your town.

So, when out of the blue I get a message that says, "are you mad at me, have I done something wrong?" My first thought was ‘Son of a Bitch, I should have known this was too good to be true.’ I don’t know what you could have possibly done, or how you could have upset me, but that message did. I have had needy friends in the past and they sucked the life out of me. If a day or two went by and I didn’t call them, they would leave the same kind of messages. I can’t take the guilt and the demand from one more person. I learned after my first marriage that the only friend I needed and wanted was the man that I am married too. Everything and every person is second to that. If Brandon ever leaves me, or dies in Nigeria, I will be a VERY lonely person. But I will have ZERO guilt of not spending all of my time and energy on him and our marriage. He is my NUMBER ONE!

Somewhere there is a friend that has the same level of need as I do. It will be a busy mother of lots of kids that can only break free when her husband is out of town. It will be a friend that appreciates the tiny text message or tweet and doesn’t need or expect anymore or think I am mad at her if weeks go by and she hasn’t heard from me. Because she will be as crazy busy as I am and unable to even pull her phone out of her pocket if it rings. She will have the same passionate love affair going on with her man and she won’t think twice about it if I cancel plans with her last minute because it was too hard to leave Brandon.

I hoped you and I could have had a normal adult friendship and hoped that we could learn from each other as we travel the road of loss, divorce, and a fresh start. But I meant it when I said I couldn’t do needy. If you called me tomorrow and said, My mother died, or the kids got in a car crash, or my man just left me, There would not be a thing I could do for you. I couldn’t leave the kids and drive to you because it takes all three of us(mom, dad, and nanny) to do everything that needs to be done around here. I would feel sick and if I could hide in a corner for ten minutes and be a listening ear I would because I love you, but those are the absolute facts that come with being my friend. I am not a good friend because I have VERY little to give. For that I am sorry.

Again, I am so sorry that I can’t be the friend you had hoped for. That being said, I do not think of you as just one of my followers. I think of you as a friend, but that is because I thought we had the same expectations. Distance has nothing to do with it. I hope I proved that to you by driving to meet you half way. I hope that the clothes I purchased for your little one were not something you think I would do for all of my readers. I hope that you know I truly do care about you and what you have to say. I just don’t have the time to be the kind of friend that you are looking for. So, if that means I am just one of your readers. I totally understand.

Thoughtfully,

Sandi

She hasn’t responded to me. She has blogged about it and I apologized in her comments. She tweeted about it, I replied with an apology. I feel terrible I have hurt someone. But I am at a loss. What do I do?

54 Comments »

07 Jul

To go or not to go

Posted by Sandi in 1989, Friends, Utah, blogging

I feel like I am unraveling at the seams. I am dealing with a few issues that are trumping all the other little issues in my life.

Issue number one at hand is whether or not to go to my 20 year High School reunion. I have until tomorrow to buy my tickets and commit to going. It’s on July 17th in Park City, Utah. I am sure it will a fabulous evening. BUT, do I really want to fly to Utah to see people that have been out of my life for twenty plus years?

High School wasn’t the highlight of my life, and it certainly wasn’t the best time of my life like so many people feel it was in theirs. In fact, I didn’t even LIKE high school. I didn’t belong to a group, or a clique, I didn’t participate on any team or in any sports or clubs. I basically showed up once in a blue moon to appease my mother and find out when the next party was.

All that being said, I have become reacquainted with a handful of people from BHS through this blog and it’s been a riot. I love knowing they are reading, and if they have blogs, I read theirs. We comment here and there and I feel caught up and connected. And that, right there, is about as much socializing as I have time to do. I feel like I may be wasting my time going to Utah, leaving my kids, and causing myself stress I don’t need. I think I may have developed some social anxiety over the years…… Then again, It’s nice to have a reason to take a xanax.

Issue number two at hand is whether or not to go to Blogher. The closer it gets the more stressed out I become about going. First of all, it’s the weekend of Brandon’s birthday. I should be home giving him EXTRA good birthday sex, like the kind I actually participate in and maybe offer, and follow through with, a blowjob or two…. then again, Blogher is sounding really fun after all…..

I hate leaving my kids. I sweat and freak out and cry and it’s not pretty. I have NEVER left them since the divorce for a selfish, self centered, me me me trip. I know I need to take care of myself, but in situations like this, that means staying home, because truly that is easier on me than leaving.

Sure, I have left the kids, but it’s always been justifiable. For instance, a sex trip is necessary to keep the husband happy. Happy husband, happy marriage, happy kids. The other trips I go on are always for the kids. Like college tours, or adoptions, or boarding school interviews or vacations.

These impending trips are totally 100% selfish. I have no way to justify them and allow myself to feel good about them. Add that to the fact that they are back to back weekends, and I am having a damn hard time sleeping at night.

The impending doom is suffocating me. The guilt of going is ruthless, but the regrets I may have by not going are lingering in the back of my mind.

SHIT!

Sometimes it SUCKS to be me.

24 Comments »

21 Nov

when UTAH meets THE OC.

Posted by Sandi in Brandon, Friends, OC, Utah

I grew up in Utah, and I am proud of where I came from. There are many things about that place that are ingrained in who I am and how I act. Now now, don’t get too excited “Utah” I am not blaming all my behaviors on you, just the good ones.’

I spent almost 35 years growing up there and raising my own family. It was/is not all bad.

I didn’t love how monochromatic it was. I craved diversity. I didn’t love the weather. Some people love the seasons, I do too. I love all the seasons except Spring, Fall and Winter.

It has been fun living here in the OC amongst people of all different races, nationalities, and religions. There is nothing cuter than middle school girls in their Muslim head wraps. I also love living in this paradise with year round gorgeous weather.

But there have been a few things that have been hard to get used to. For example,

In Utah:

It is okay to let your child out to play in the front of the house without following him/her.
It is fine to ride bikes in the street and even without a helmet.
It is acceptable to send your child next door to borrow an egg.
It is also acceptable to send your child next door because you are sick of looking at them.
It is okay to tell your children, “Go play!” and know that they will.
It is fine to have a sleepover at a friend’s house. (Without doing FBI background checks.)
You may say, “crap” “freakin” and “sucks”. You will NOT get detention for saying these words.
It is ok to get married and have babies before you can buy alcohol.
It is unheard of to send your child to school with a Starbucks.
It is acceptable to talk badly about celebrities, because they aren’t real people.
It is normal procedure to leave the house opened and the keys in the car.
You know all your neighbors. You hang out with them and talk to them.
You don’t say “play date” you just go play. Your parents don’t make friends for you.
It is easy to make friends in Utah.

Let’s talk about that last one for a minute….. I have very few friends in California. I have way more real friends in Utah and even, God forbid, on facebook. I have friends in the blogosphere too. So why in heavens name can’t I make a normal friend here in my neighborhood? Is it because my kids say ‘Freakin’? And they ride their bikes without helmets and supervision? Is it because I must appear half out of my mind with all these hoodlums running in and out of the house? Is it because I am not carrying the Gucci bag and I don’t drive an Escalade?

I don’t know why I haven’t been able to make friends here, but it is not for lack of trying.

Here is a perfect example of when Utah and The OC collide.

While we were moving into this neighborhood, seven neighbor kids who happened to be black were watching our movers unload. They came over to meet our kids. I was thrilled beyond measure that we had black faces on our street.

I met up with them the following day at the ice cream truck in front of the house. It was then we learned that these kids, some of them at least, belonged to the rapper Warren G. He had his cousin, and her two kids, and a sister, and her three kids also living in the house with him and his wife and their four kids. (They made us look normal.) Anyway. His cousin was about to deliver baby number three. She was counting down the hours that day.

She delivered the following week and I thought it would be nice to take something over to welcome the baby and congratulate the new mommy. That is what you do in Utah. When someone in the neighborhood has a baby, you bring food.

Brandon and I decided on Cupcakes since they had so damn many kids in that house, we knew the kids would love them if nothing else. That night, we walked on down the street and up to the door. We rang the doorbell and waited. We could hear the kids and the dogs going crazy. But nobody came to the door. We rang again and stood there looking like idiots I’m sure. The balcony door directly above where we were standing opened and Warren G stuck his head out. We are now, looking up in the air, holding our cupcakes and smiling.

Warren says, “Yeah?”

Brandon says, “Oh hi, we just wanted to bring some cupcakes down to your family since Misty had a baby.” (Yeah, Brandon said that and it sounded that dumb in real life too. It was a Ned Flanders moment.)

Warren says, “we cool.” (Read this like “weeecooo” in your best black rapper slang.)

I say, “Pardon me?”

Warren says, “we cool.”

I look at Brandon, “what the hell does that mean?” I whisper. “Does he want the cupcakes or is he saying ‘no thank you?’

Right at that moment the front door opens and there stands the kids and just about every other black person in Orange County. Someone takes the cupcakes out of our hands and shuts the door.

We are standing on the porch. ALONE. Puzzled and confused. That WAS NOT what we had expected.

Brandon and I stare at each other and walk back up the street. We are seriously dumbfounded. Brandon is like “What the Hell was that?”

I’m like “We cool?” What does that even mean? We vowed right then and there to NEVER pull a Utah stunt like that one again. We are better off without friends. Yeah, weecoooo!

21 Comments »

Lucky Thirteen and Counting