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13 Jul

and they are gone…. all the family and friends are gone

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, Friends, blended families.

….and this house is freakishly quiet and empty.

I need more kids I think.

The Benson boys returned home to Utah tonight. We had a PERFECT visit with them. Of all the times they have come to CA and all the times we have visited them in Utah, this was hands down the very best, the very easiest, visit. I don't know why. Maybe enough time has passed that now being a step mom is easy and unemotional. Maybe it's because we have a bigger house and nobody got displaced or moved out of their own bed. Maybe it's because the boys are getting older and less needy and less clingy. I don't know what it was, but I can't wait for them to come down again. There was ZERO drama, and ZERO conflict. Not once did it feel like YOURS, MINE, AND OURS! It was just FAMILY! YAY for US! YAY for ME.

Okay, I had a good cry after writing that little paragraph. I am truly grateful for the time we had with them. I am truly grateful for the healing that has taken place.

I have to share a few more pictures of the boys because their mom and Grandma read my blog and like to see pictures of the kids. However, they don't necessarily like looking at pictures of my boob so I have been told… but to each her own.

Hi Christine!!

Hi Becky!!

Sorry about your sunburned children. I am not used to having white kids that fry in the sunshine.

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Our friends from Utah went home tonight too. We really need to make some friends in Orange County don't we?

Jodi showed up with her tweezers to dig the rest of my stitches out. I love friends. She did a great job. She had all of them out until this morning when I was in the shower and a huge stitch popped out of my nipple. Jodi told me not to pull on it because they could "unzip my incisions." Believe you me, I didn't pull on it after that little comment, (Can you imagine unzipping your nipple?) instead I made her do a little more snipping this morning. I owe her big time for working on vacation.

I sent Jodi home with strict instructions on sending the candy I needed from Utah. She is going to overnight me some sugar ASAP. I am still trying to figure out how to get a salad from Wingers down here. Any Utah readers flying to Orange County in the near future?Email me.

I have more company coming down next week. Yes, they are also from Utah. Only Utah people understand this insanity and want to hang with it. I am counting down the days until Tara and her four kids arrive. The only person more excited than me to see them is Ty. He loves company. More people to charm, wallets to go through, and cards to collect.

Speaking of cards..

They are everywhere. He doesn't leave them in his wallet anymore. He carries them loose in his pockets and he takes them out to look at them twenty times an hour and he leaves a little trail of plastic behind him. It's making me CRAZY!

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Yesterday I went to LA with Suzanne to meet Jason. We had lunch at The Grove. It was a blast. Suzanne is a local blogger and lives ten minutes away from me…. But I met her in Chicago. Thank you BlogHer for bringing us two Orange County girls together. I adore Suzanne. She needs to come over and play with me more often.

You may remember that I went with Suzanne to see Ree at her book signing in LA. It was there that we got talking religion and I shared my rant about Prop 8 and the Mormon Church. She asked if I read Jason. She told me he was a former Mormon and that I had to go straight home and read his story, and I did and I am so glad. Jason is AWESOME! We speak the same language and grew up in the same area. It was FUN to talk church with somebody that understood.

I look exhausted in the picture. I can't even blame the traffic, or LA, or walking The Grove, because before I even walked out my door at 9:45 AM, my housekeeper said, "Are you okay? You look exhausted."

"Well, shit. I'm not okay now, because I clearly look wiped out and it's nine flipping thirty in the morning and I am meeting friends for lunch."

She pretended she didn't speak english and started washing my windows.

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In other news, Shaylee is doing much better after her wisdom teeth removal. She puked her guts out on Monday, took a sleeping pill that night, (which was provided by our Utah visitors) and felt much better today. She is still puffy and tender but not puking and not taking pain pills.

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Bronson and Heather haven't been seen since Friday. Yesterday, my dad had me convinced that they probably got into a knock-down drag-out fight and killed each other. I called five times before that little shit answered. I had his whole effing funeral planned. They are fine, they just have no reason to talk to me, or hang out with me, they are doing their own thing…. things that mothers don't need to be involved in.

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The sixth grade boys have successfully completed three weeks of summer school in the same classroom and haven't had too many problems. No fights at least. I am hopeful this continues.

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Last but not least…

Thank you all for hanging in there with me through all the pictures and very little writing while we were entertaining and being entertained. I will be back to regular blogging tomorrow.

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I am blessed!

Do you all know how lucky I am?

I truly have an amazing life and I am so grateful to be living my dream. I am surrounded by people I love. I hate to always sit here and bitch and moan when my life is full of amazing happiness! But when I feel this way, so full of happiness I could burst, I get scared, like this is too good to be true, or something horrible is bound to happen. I want to just enjoy this feeling and not think I am going to die of a brain tumor tomorrow or my kids are going to get hit by a car, because this joy is fabulous. Maybe it's just Wellbutrin. maybe it's filling me with happiness and making me a little paranoid in the process. Who knows, but right now, at this very moment, I am bursting at the seems with LOVE!

I hope I don't die in my sleep.

20 Comments »

14 Jun

competition

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, My kids, swimming

Sunday Morning-

Earlier than usual the house was stirring and bustling. Water bottles and towels were gathered, babies kissed goodbye, last minute instructions given, and we jumped into the car with five VERY EXCITED swimmers. Four of them competing for the very first time.

Long line to check in. The skies were cloudy and the winds cold. They had their suits on under layers of clothing and jackets were pulled tight around them. Boys in one line, girls in the other. Each swimmer must state their name and age. The official confirms they are on the list and reads off the event they are to compete in.

Jace- event 72, 74, 76

Kate- event 69, 73

Jazzi- event 69, 73

Colby- event 94, 100

Hadley- event 97, 101

I mark all of the numbers on the inside of my arm with a black sharpie, and write each child's event on the inside of their own arm.

The nerves set in as we wait for our team to be called into the cold water for a 30 minute warm-up. Little people compete in the morning, big people compete in the afternoon.

At 7:40 am my three little ones are called into the pool. Just stripping off their jackets makes them cold. By the time they are down to their suits their chins are chattering and lips are looking blue. COME ON SUN!

By 9:00 am the meet is under way. My kids start listening intently for the numbers of the events being called, running back and forth from the place where they post the lanes and heats they will be in to the bleachers we are sitting in. I sat praying for Kate and Jazzi to be in separate heats. What are the odds that both girls compete against each other in both events? Didn't matter what the odds were, that's what happened.

Every single one of my five did amazing. I hate to brag, brag, brag, all of the time, but I can't help it in this instance. The sun came out. The temperature heated up. The day was perfect! The kids did awesome!

Before I tell you how each child did, I must confess to lacking faith in my Coco. My little one pound preemie damn near drowned in the afternoon practice session. He was in events that were far more difficult than he should have been in. But because of his age, that's the way it was. He was swimming the 50 meter back stroke and 100 meter freestyle. Coach Mike sent Colby out in the practice lane for a back stroke warm up and he couldn't for the life of him stay afloat. The harder he kicked the faster he sank. Coach put him in a stream line, told him not to use his arms and just kick his legs with his head back. "look up at the sky Coco." But all Coco kept seeing was the water coming up over his face. I was freaking out. His event was less than an hour away and suddenly my child couldn't swim. He came out of the warm up with the wind out of his sails. It was heartbreaking!

I was a timer from 2:15 to 3:15, right smack in the middle of Colby's backstroke. I was a basket case! The family was standing on the side being his cheering section, while I was stuck being a professional in the meet. When the horn sounded, he shot off the start perfectly and did the best backstroking I have ever seen him do. He came in dead last. But he finished and didn't sink or flail once. I was so freaking proud. With tears streaming down my face, stuck in the timing chair, I was overwhelmed with how far this kid has come. He couldn't even swim a couple years ago. He sunk to the bottom of the pool every time he jumped in. (including today) He begged me to allow him to try out for the team. I was reluctant I admit, but he swam across the pool and Coach said "let him have a go at it" But I never thought he would be competing, or completing meets for that matter. The smile on Coco's face when he climbed out of the pool was absolutely radiant! The official standing next to me said Coco made his day!

The 100 meter freestyle was much more difficult because of the distance, but he completed that event as well. Once again dead last by almost a lap, but he came out of the water grinning. I am so so happy we allowed him to go for it. It was worth every bit of stress and breath holding. He is not just a swimmer, he is a competitor!

The rest of the kids all placed in at least one event. Kate placed in backstroke, Jazzi in freestyle, Hadley in freestyle and Jace in backstroke and freestyle. Jace and Hadley were both DQ'd in one event each. When it happened to Jace, Kate was heartbroken. She ran up to me and said, "Does this mean Jace can't do swim practice with us ever again?" How sad that she thought disqualifying in an event made him completely disqualified from ever swimming again. It broke my heart, that for three minutes, she was under that impression. There were lots of lessons learned on Sunday. I learned the biggest one of all. Heart is more important than speed.

Jace kicked ass in spite of having a mean mother. When we checked into the meet I was sad to find him only swimming 25 meter events. I had signed him up for an IM. That stands for individual medley. It's each of the four strokes for 25 meters. It's technical and difficult and I wanted him swimming it. He has been doing this for over a year now and I wanted him swimming 50's and 100's and medleys. I complained to the officials and discovered the problem. He was still swimming in the 8 and under age group. He is eight, so he could swim in that group for the rest of the year, but I wanted him challenged. So I moved him to the ten and under group and juggled all of his events around and made him swim with the big boys! He KICKED ASS! He placed with really good times. We have all summer to move up the chain and leave the big boys in his bubbles! (Yes, I am a little competitive.)

Hadley was a nervous wreck. She gets it from me. The more stressed she got, the more stressed I got. I couldn't even look at her without clutching my heart and feeling like I needed to pee. This was her first meet and I forced her to do it. In her words, "I was ruining her life!" But once she understood that's what mothers are for, she was excited. Her first event was a 100 meter backstroke. She was DQ'd because of her flip turns. She came out on her tummy not her back. When that "d" appeared on the big screen for her lane, all we could say was, "shit shit shit" But she got out of that lane and was totally fine with it. Our coaches pep talked her up and got her ready for her next event, the 100 meter freestyle.

Hadley is a beautiful swimmer. Her strokes are long and smooth and technically she is amazing. When you watch her, all you can think is "graceful or beautiful." "Fast" was never one of the words that we thought or uttered. WELL, this mama was WRONG! Hadley is FAST! In her final lap she was neck and neck with lane five for first place. We were yelling and chanting and jumping up and down…. and she got second place by a hair. It was SO CLOSE! She loved it and can't wait to compete again. That adrenaline gets pumping and there was only one thing we could do to control it, we walked straight to the nearest vendor and bought and new swimming suit and a tee-shirt. Shopping is the always the answer, even at a swim meet. In the car on the way home, she goes, "I am so mad, why didn't you guys yell louder and tell me to go faster?" OMG, we laughed all the way home, because we damn near lost our voices cheering for her. EVERY DAMN ONE OF US!

Kate and Jazzi were pumped and nervous. Brandon and I were sick about them being in the same heat. We love them to kick ass when they aren't swimming against our other children…. but it turned out perfectly. Kate beat Jazzi in the backstroke and Jazzi beat Kate in the freestyle. They loved it, we loved it.

At 3:40 we loaded our sun-soaked, water logged, exhausted kids back home. We had more than eight hours of EXCITEMENT!

According to the kids, the best thing of all about these summer swim meets…. SNACK BAR!

All my kids do is go from vendor to vendor and back to Daddy for more money. Dippin dots, snowcones, breakfast burritos, pizza, funnel cakes, hotdogs, you name it, they find it.

For the record, it sucks not having a camera! I am going to buy one this week. I have given up hope of it being found and returned.

Thanks for reading all my ramblings. I want to remember all of this fun stuff and if I don't put it on the internet…. well, then it didn't really happen.

Love to you all-

PS- because I know one of you will ask, Jayden is a swimmer, but he doesn't want to compete…. yet. He is not one that likes any attention at all, but I am hoping he tries it at least once. Maybe a home meet when it feels a little more comfortable. Hadley was pissed that I didn't force him, like I did her, but now she is trying to talk him into doing the next one because she liked it so much.

I love the, "I told you so" moments.

7 Comments »

10 Jun

catching up

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, My kids, Random

Eleven Years old!

Dalin had a great birthday on Monday, in spite of his mother's raging bladder infection. He didn't seem to notice in Toys-R-Us that the cart was holding me up and not the other way around. Since he struggles to get around the store, I just followed his footsteps, and prayed I would make it out of there alive.

On the way home I KNEW I was going down hill fast and suggested a drive-thru for dinner instead of Chili's. He was thrilled with that. While he played with his balloon and inhaled his chicken fries from Burger King, Brandon ran into Albertsons to buy cranberry juice, uristat, and a chocolate cake. I don't remember much after that.

By eleven PM I was in the emergency room begging for a valium to stop the spasms in my bladder. For as long as I have lived, I have never felt pain like that… Peeing bloody chucks of infection just made things even worse. I wanted to DIE!

They ruled out kidney stones, but the pain I was feeling was excruciating and felt exactly the same as when I passed a kidney stone ten years ago. That is a pain you don't forget.

Brandon and I camped out at the hospital until three AM. While I was there, I was enjoying pain free moments thanks to hard core drugs in the IV. I came home with all sorts of good medication and spent most of the next day in out of the bathroom in a blur.

Tuesday at about two in the afternoon, Brandon came in and told me he was leaving the next day to Nigeria. As awful as that sounds, I prefer to have it that way. When I know for weeks in advance that he is going, I freak out the entire time about the impending DOOM. This way, I was like, "okay, hurry back."

And now, he is there and I am fine and feeling 100% better. All those antibiotics are doing their job. I'm sure by the weekend I will have a rip roaring yeast infection to bitch about, but for now, all is well in the nether regions.

That little nightmare trip to the ER moved my crotch surgery into high priority again. I hate "hot bloody pee!"

Shaylee's graduation was a blast. I love Chattanooga. I am sick about losing my camera. I had the best pictures. Eric's mom and Shaylee's dad have both promised to share what they have. Eric's already sent a few.

I love how we are all looking at different cameras. Hunter, Hadley, and Diane (Eric's mom) are all taking pictures.

I am so proud of Shaylee. She kicked ass this year. Straight A's all year long.

We had a fabulous lunch after graduation at J.Alexanders. Shaylee and Eric spent one last evening together. Eric is coming out in a few weeks to play with us here.

I love these two!

While we were away, Ali and Alex did a fabulous job at manning the troops. In fact, they do better than I do. Ali reported that the kids were perfect and FAR better for her than for me.

DAMN KIDS!

They flew down here with Deron Williams. He was on their same flight and they couldn't wait to tell Ty. The second Ty got home from school Alex told him who was on the plane, and Ty lit up like a lightbulb and squealed like a girl, "D-WILL? I LOVE D-WILL!" and one week later, I am still hearing about it.

Ty is in love with Basketball. He knows all the big players and who they play for. Since Brandon is a huge JAZZ FAN, Ty knows all about Deron Williams. He asked Alex twenty questions, "Who he with? Where he go? What he doing? Ahh I love D-Will" Those same questions are still being thrown at me.

I love my baby sister.

I am aware of the randomness of this post, but I had to get all this stuff out of the way so I could start stream of conscience blogging again.

Happy Thursday Friends!

PS- Please remember my proof reader is gone for the week. I suck at editing.

6 Comments »

01 Jun

So many things

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, My kids, Random

There are so many things I neglect to share. I know, I can't sit here all day and record every single minute of every day, or every word that is uttered in this home, but oh how I wish I could. I want to remember this time. I want to remember when all the kids are exactly how old they are right now. I love the dynamic of our house right this second.

Ellie spills every drink we give her just so she can drop to her belly and sip it off the floor. She learned the word "disgusting" the hard way yesterday. I often let her run naked around this place 1) because she is so damn cute and 2) because if she doesn't have bottoms on, she pulls her diaper off in a split second and I tire of chasing her around to put it back on. She was running wild yesterday afternoon after swimming, when she peed on the floor. She hadn't finished peeing the last drop before she was belly down and ready to slurp. I think she must have gotten a tiny bit because while I was screaming, "NO!" she was coughing and spitting.

"That is pee. It's DISGUSTING!"

"Disgusting," she said in perfect clarity.

I doubt she will be sipping liquids off the floor again.

I wish I could record every single moment she has with her baby sister. She adores Sailor and talks a special way when she sees her.

Her already high voice goes up an octave higher and she squeals a little louder, "sayla sayla sayla! deedle deedle dee" Cutest phrase ever spoken. It's loud and it's piercing but it's priceless to hear. She cannot get enough of our baby girl. I am beyond grateful she has her.

Ellie is talking near perfect. She still babbles and talks gibberish, but when we tell her to say something, she can repeat it perfectly.

I wish you could see Parker's tantrums and the way his body goes from standing straight up to a collapsed pile of naughty in two seconds flat. He tried to microwave his gum yesterday. I marvel at the stuff he comes up with. He is talking so much better and actually stopping to think about the things he needs to say. He still signs the words he knows signs for while he talks. It makes him even cuter if that's possible.

He knows the entire alphabet and counts to eleven. He swims really well with his floaty on. He puts his face in and kicks his little heart out. By next summer he will be without his swimmer.

I want you to know that Ty wears his underwear backwards 90% of the time. His fly is almost always on his crack. He wears his shoes on the wrong feet way more often than the right feet.

He charms the socks off total strangers. We had friends here on Saturday. He chums each adult one at a time up to his room. Once up there, he wants them to sit on his bed, where he shows them his wallet. Then he leans in and says, "You have cards? I have one?" He acquired five new pieces of worthless plastic Saturday. Worthless to you and I, priceless to Ty.

He loves people. He is a lover, a hanger on(er), a manipulator and a tease. He has matured as much as he is ever going to. He is a joy and though he drives me absolutely insane with his constant need for repeating, I would be very lonely without him always at my heels.

Dalin went to camp this morning. "A fifth graders right of passage," they say. When we got out of the car in the school parking lot, he walked around to the back of the car to get his sleeping bag. There were other teachers standing on the curb and they saw Dalin walking and carrying his load and they cheered, and they said things like, "Congratulations Dalin" and "Way to go dude!" and he walked a little taller and I cried a little harder. I am so proud of him. Not too many 24 weekers have the quality of life that Dalin does. Things aren't always easy for him, zipping zippers, pulling up his pants, tying shoes, those things take lots of time, they aren't impossible, but they are HARD! Not that he knows anything different, but he doesn't care that he can't do everything as easy as the rest of us. He just does his thing and does what he can and is happy about it. He makes me so proud.

I drove away from the school today and swallowed the lump in my throat, because I have no business being sad. I am going to miss him, but I am so damn happy for him and the things he gets to do. I won't see Dalin until Saturday because when he arrives here on Friday, I will be sitting in front of Baylor School in Chattanooga watching my baby get her diploma.

Shay has been on "Senior Trip" since Thursday and I miss her so much I could die. Shaylee calls me once a day minimum. It's truly more like three times per day and on this trip they have no cell phone service. They are backpacking in the middle of nowhere Tennessee. I can't wait until this trip is over. It's crazy not to hear from her. I want to remember that at this time in my life I need her as much as she needs me. Just that once-a-day exchange of "what you doing?" feeds my soul. I don't want it to end. I want to always, no matter how old we both get, talk to her every single day. I am so proud of her. You will all tire of hearing about it by the end of the week.

I wish you could all just come over here and hang out and have a diet coke. How I wish you were all my friends. I want to go shopping so you can all see for yourself how badly I suck at dressing myself. That way you will understand why I had to hire a stylist named Summer. Summer is a love and she dresses me so well. I just wish she came over every day to put my outfit on, because sure enough when she leaves my closet, I reach for my six-year-old pair of Lucky's and an old T-shirt. Whose going to see me anyway right? I wonder how it is that I can dress my kids so cute, but not my own body. I can't seem to see the same things, or things in the same way, as the rest of the world. I am amazed at how Summer can look at an outfit and know it needs a belt, or a scarf, or a different pair of shoes. How is it possible that she can see this and I can't?

Same reason I can't decorate my house. I still have ZERO window coverings here, because I haven't hired a decorator yet. How do you pick a decorator? I wish I had half of the creative juices flowing through me that so many others have. I look at other people's homes, and clothes, and party invitations, and blogs, and photographs, and think, "where was I when they were passing out these talents?" Clearly, I was not in the TALENT line.

When I drive in the car and I am alone between pick ups and drop offs, I think of all the things I need to write. Things that need to be shared and recorded and typed out in black letters. I always have hundreds of sentences that roll around in my mind and when I get home I am trampled by babies that squeal with delight when I walk in the house. They act like I have been gone for a week, instead of the one hour. The dogs bark and the kids all need to tell me something and Brandon wraps his arms around me and kisses me and I forget everything that I had composed in my head. I live in the moment and forget all those fantastic paragraphs that sounded so good. I even forget the topic those paragraphs were about, so when I sit here at the end of the day, or when the babies are asleep, I stare at a blank screen and wonder what on earth I needed to say.

Did I tell you that I think Sailor might be a lefty like me?

Did I tell you that Pickle is being a little bit better behaved and that I love her so much my heart swells every time I see her?

How about the fact that I am going to Chattanooga on Thursday morning and I am terrified of leaving my kids? I feel this way every single time I leave and it doesn't get better. I need a break. I need a sex trip with my man. I need to recharge and regroup. But when I start packing my bags and stocking the fridge and organizing their clothes so when I'm away they will still look cute, that's when I start to panic. WIll they be okay? What if something happens? I will never forgive myself. What if they bawl all day long and wonder if I am ever going to return? What if they miss me? What if they don't? I wind myself up so tightly I wonder how I will ever walk out the door. The next two days are going to be hard. But once I am seated comfortably in a booth at Waffle House, I will be fine.

I am sorry this post is all over the place. I just want to make sure that all my moments are here. I may turn this into a Mormon Mommy Blog, I am so happy on my Wellbutrin.

A conversation to end with-

Brandon- I love how good you are doing on this medication.

Sandi- I love it too. I have never felt better or been happier in my life. I love being married. I love being a mom. I love you. I love the kids. I love our life.

Brandon- I love Wellbutrin.

Sandi- I think we should have a few more kids.

Brandon- You need to go off those effing meds today!

22 Comments »

10 May

the last three weeks….

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, School

I have had so much to say and so many things that needed to be shared, but I have had ZERO time to write. Brandon made it home on Friday morning and is still, monday morning, fighting the jet lag. He doesn't know what time zone he is in. His eyeballs fly open every night at 3am and he falls asleep sitting up at 7pm. Side note- Brandon's uncle had narcolepsy, and I think Brandon teeters on the edge of a true diagnosis. We were watching HOUSE on Saturday night, he was talking to me and totally focused on the show, and 15 seconds later, he was snoring. It freaked me out. He blames jet lag, I think he has serious issues.

While I have been unable to share my entire life with you I have been dealing with big educational decisions. I got a call a few weeks ago from Dalin's teacher. She informed me that Dalin should not stay in his current educational placement for the upcoming year. He needed to move out of the SH class (severely handicap) and move into a less restrictive classroom, a SDC (special day class.) While this seems like GREAT news on the surface, I was flipping my lid for multiple reasons. 1) He is only reading at a first grade level and has only been first grade fluent in his reading for a year. He is working hard and does his homework every day all on is own. He is showing lots of growth in his emotional maturity but still acts like a two year old at least once a week, especially when Jayden gets into his business……. and that brings me to my biggest hurdle of all. 2) By moving Dalin to the SDC in the district, that puts him in the same classroom as Jayden and Colby. WELCOME TO MY PERSONAL HELL new 6th grade teacher!!

I fretted and stewed and cried to my housekeepers because they became my sounding board while Brandon was away, and though english is a second language to them, they thought I had good reason to cry. I had to take both Jayden and Dalin's interests into my decision. And both of them have NO BUSINESS being in the same classroom. Jayden would be thrilled if he were an only child. He has no patience or love for his siblings unless they are under 6. He and Dalin are like oil and water. Jayden has had to work really hard to be nice to Dalin. But it's a hit and miss thing. They DO NOT DO WELL TOGETHER! Adding Dalin to Jayden's plate for 6 hours a day had to be taken into consideration. I do all I can do not to upset JayJay every damn day. This was not going to fall into that category.

I had a week to make a set in stone decision and I thought about it carefully. It wasn't an easy one, but the thing that tipped the scale, was the fact that I know if I left Dalin in the SH class he would never get past a first grade reading level. Because Ty was in the SH class that Dalin was supposed to go to, I know the curriculum and the things that they focus on in that setting. Dalin needs to be pushed and challenged and I feel in my heart that he belongs with the boys in their learning environment.

*sigh*

I attended the transition meeting for Jayden and Colby first. I wanted to get a feel for the teacher and the classroom before I broke the news to the kids. I loved the teacher. I told her all my fears, all my concerns, and she felt she could handle anything that came up. I felt much better after talking to her. I attended Dalin's meeting two days later and then I went home and broke the news to Jayden. He handled it very well. I was so proud of him. Dalin was easy to tell, he was thrilled to be joining his brothers at the local middle school. I couldn't wipe the smile off his face all day. I am VERY proud of my boys. Jayden for dealing with a not so great situation and understanding that it is the way it is. He promised to be kind and to even help Dalin if he needed it. I am proud of Dalin for working his fanny off and beating the odds. He continues to amaze me daily. I am proud of Colby for being a go with the flow kinda kid. He is happy no matter what!

And now, we fasten our seatbelts while we embark on the new roller-coaster of middle school. It will be here before we know it.

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On the same subject but with a different child, its time for Hunter to move out of his current educational setting and into a less restrictive environment as well. This has not been an easy thing to do. Nothing is ever easy with Hunter. Because he is not in public school I don't have an IEP team to make decisons with. It's Brandon, Hunter, Dr Nicasio and myself. We are the team. All of us, except Hunter, know that he needs to move on, and leave the security of New Vista. He has out grown his school. We have felt this for over a year. Last year at this time we told him it was time to find a new school. HE FLIPPED! We gave in and let him stay. This year, his school has been full of drama and Hunter is front and center of it all. Last week they handed me the enrollment packet for next year. I tossed it in the trash and told Hunter I was kicking him out of the nest. "No more sleeping in the crib little man, it's time to move into the big boy bed." That was met with a blank stare.

He sat quietly on the ride home. He knew this was coming. I tell him daily he is in the wrong place. We have debated this issue for one full year.

When he finally piped up, this is what I got.

"Let me get this straight. You want me to go to a school with typical teenagers that only think about killing their parents and pornography?"

When I stopped laughing my ass off, I answered with a huge YES!

9 Comments »

07 Apr

missing my comedy relief

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, My kids, large families

I can't say the house has been quiet this past few days because that would be a flat out lie. Clearly the Benson children are louder and far more demanding than the older ones. But having nine, ten if we count Shaylee, missing from the house is eerie. The buzz and the whir of this place has been taken down about nine notches.

The absence of ten heartbeats, ten voices, ten breathing children….. It's noticeable. The house just has a weaker pulse when all the peeps aren't here.

I get the kids back today. I can't wait. While the break from all the questions and endless chatter was nice for a few hours, I am ready for my entertainment to return.

The day they left, a son, who I am not allowed to name, attempted to waterboard himself. His roommate found the sopping wet towel and questioned him about it. The son I am not allowed to name explained that in order to form an opinion on where he stood regarding the whole waterboarding torture issue he needed to see how it felt.

My dad asked him if he told himself any secrets in the process.

The most important thing to know is that my children do their research before forming an opinion. They are not little sheep that follow their parents political views. While the attempted waterboarding was an impulsive, and not very well thought out, operation, it was done for good reasons.

And it has given me hours of entertainment picturing it.

Have kids people. They are 24/7 comedy central.

I am counting down the hours until they return.

4.5 hours to go.

12 Comments »

30 Mar

overwhelmed

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, Random, School

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed lately. It could be everything that's going on in my life, or it could be nothing at all, and just one of the many roller coasters that I ride, all by myself, a few times a year.

EDUCATION is stressing me to the max. We live in the Capo unified school district and our teachers are preparing for a strike. I am a basket case about it. I love our teachers. I think they deserve thousands of dollars more than they are getting. I believe that 25 students per class should be the cap. I believe that special education should be capped at 10 students per classroom with 3 aides in addition to the teacher. I believe that the majority of our teachers want fair pay, small class size, and I support them in their demand for it.

BUT- If they strike and my kids are without their teachers, I am pulling them out.

If my children attended private school, this wouldn't be at the top of my stress platter, however the cost it would take to educate fifteen children, for 20 years each…. that would be at the top of the platter. (Some people have plates, I have a platter. If you ever think your plate is full, keep in mind, it could be a platter.)

I am seriously considering hiring a private teacher to educate my younger monsters until they reach ninth grade. It's the little people like Pickle and Ty that upset that plan. If you knew how excited they were to go to school everyday…… I cry just thinking about summer.

The special education that my kids receive in this district is fabulous…… Let me rephrase that. The attention and love and structure my kids receive in this district is fabulous. It's very hard to judge "education" when you are talking about kids like Ty and Pickle. What would take a typical child one year to learn or accomplish, may take seven years for mine. But, learning they are, just at their own pace.

I do not know of a private school that is geared towards developmentally disabled children in my area. I wish I did. I would enroll half my peeps there tomorrow.

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I worry about Bronson. While Shay is home stressing about which college to attend, I am hoping Bronson doesn't feel bad his little sister is moving ahead of him in the education department. Most likely, he doesn't give a damn at all, because he didn't want to go to college in the first place and, according to him, he has ZERO desire to return. But I am an emotional projector, so if I would feel it, then he most certainly is. The problem with being an emotional projector is that it makes everyone I know and love just as effed up as I am.

Since I don't have enough to worry about, I worry about things that possibly do not even exist.

While I am worrying about Bronson feeling bad about Shaylee, I add her to the list because if she gets wind of the fact that he may feel bad, she will be devastated and decide not to go to college at all. That will spiral right on down the line through all the bio's because nobody wants to upset Bronson.

** please note- this all may be an irrational fear. But because I am stressed and overwhelmed by everything at this very moment, I might as well vent about it all.

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It's gloomy today. The dreary sky isn't doing squat for my emotional health.

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We are visiting Redlands college tomorrow. I am bringing Hunter and Hadley along for the ride. I want them to get a taste of this sooner rather than later. I am hoping it will motivate them to follow in their older siblings college prep school journey. I am beginning to fear they are getting used to this cushy life living at home, where the maids, gardeners, car washers, pool crew, mom, and dad do everything for them. Hunter and Hadley should be gearing up to go, but lately all I hear is, "I think I am staying here to go to school."

*sigh*

I refuse to force them to attend high school elsewhere, but I am broken hearted when I think of the opportunities they are missing out on. Boarding school is in the forefront of mind EVERY SINGLE DAY! I wish it for every person I know.

** please note- I still feel just as passionate about college prep school even though Bronson didn't use it as college prep. The education and life experiences he received at the The Asheville School….. Priceless. The education he has, will never be taken away. If he chooses to never build on it, that is his choice and I have ZERO regrets about the education we provided him.

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I looked at Brandon yesterday and said, "It's been five years today since I slept with my ex." I can't remember his exact words back to me, they were along the lines of, "sweet jesus, you know the date, good Lord you are demented, holy shit why are you thinking about it and I am sorry baby, is today a hard day for you?" It was all rolled into one sentence like that.

I know dates. They haunt me. I am an amazing historian of my own life. World History? NEVER. My history? What do you want to know? I can give you dates, times, and places. It's both a blessing and a curse.

Ask Brandon how old he was when he got a cell phone, or when did he separate from his previous wife, how long did he go to marriage counseling, or even, how long have we lived in California, or when did he go to Nigeria last? He hasn't a clue in the world. How can he know how to do all the things he can do, like math for example, and not know that we moved to California on September 1, 2006 and that he went to Nigeria on December 7th and returned home on 17th? BLOWS MY MIND!

Anyway-

Five years ago….

feels like a lifetime ago.

But there are days, that it seems like yesterday.

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For now, cookie dough is the answer to life's big dilemmas and dreary weather. We make it damn near everyday.

I love these snotty-nosed cookie makers so much. When everything else feels overwhelming and up in the air, these little monsters keep me grounded.

i apologize this post is all over the place. Kinda feels like my head today.

22 Comments »

22 Mar

as promised

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, cosmetic surgery, daily smut, sex

Here is the nitty gritty on the crotch doctor.

I was correct in my assumption that all is not well in the nether regions. For the past few years things just feel like they are falling apart and now, I have a doctors note to prove it. I know many of you are freaking out that I would spend $18,000 dollars on cosmetic surgery for my crotch, that no one but Brandon sees. I am happy to report that only $4400 of that $18k is cosmetic.

I have some medical issues that affect other things I use my private parts for…. They need to be fixed. None of this surgery is for the sex life. If you read me, you know I have nothing but LOVE for my sex life. But going to the bathroom is important and I would like to have the things, that my bio babies destroyed, corrected.

I have scheduled the surgery for April 12th.

Dr Accetta has a lovely office and his staff is awesome. He seems to know his stuff. He is a GYN with a certification in cosmetic surgery.

I was sitting in his office, waiting for a room, when he walked in. His office manager introduced me and I stood up to shake his hand. He took one look at me and said, "natural breasts will never work for you." and then he left. I was like, WOW, thank God I have implants then. Kelly, the office manager didn't say anything, she just kept on going through the vaginal surgery spill. I was trying not to be too offended.

When I was in the room with my legs in the stirrups, he greeted me and apologized for confusing me with a "Natural Breast" consult. He explained that he thought I was there for "natural breasts." Women come in and want to have natural breast augmentation, which means that they use the fat from their own body and put it in their breasts. That explains why he took one look at me and said, "natural breasts will never work for you." I don't have enough fat on my body to work with. I felt much better after the explanation.

During, and after the exam, he confirmed that I was falling apart. He explained why I am a walking urinary tract infection, and how he can fix it. He explained why, in certain positions, sex feels like Brandon is pushing a knife through my rectum, and how he can fix it. And if I had medical insurance, it would all be covered, but I don't. He also told me that while I was under the knife, that he could trim a little skin off the labia and clitoral hood because, and I quote, " You have such a pretty clitoris, it needs to be seen." So there you have it. I will have a little nip and tuck in addition to some medical repairs that will make using my privates in the bedroom and the bathroom better.

And if mama is happy….. everybody is happy.

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DeeDee came this weekend. I got to spend 45 minutes with her. I had a good cry when she left. I miss my friends so badly!!

This is DeeDee's Izzy in the middle. I LOVE this picture. All the girls are looking so cute, but my flash turned everything green, so I made it black and white.

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Dalin broke or dislocated his arm again. I think he is going to have to have surgery. They won't cast his arm, because it's the arm that doesn't work and it's already so tight. They fear that immobilizing it will cause him to lose even more mobility. It's a catch 22 thing. Poor kid.

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I am leaving tomorrow for The South. We are doing a frantic run through five states and visiting seven colleges. I will be home Saturday afternoon with Shaylee in tow. I can't wait to see her.

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Keep this household in your prayers. Single parenting this group isn't easy, I know, I have done it a hundred times while Brandon is in Nigeria.

I have a Pickle post scheduled for tomorrow since I will be traveling EAST all day long. I hate flying east, it takes the entire day. If I get a chance, I will blog from the road, if not, you have been warned and I can be found at any Waffle House along the highway.

22 Comments »

25 Feb

A whole lot of Random

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, Random

This gallery of photos may help you understand why I don't have a cooking blog.

Parker's cookies tasted DELICIOUS! He personally sampled each and every ingredient….

What a good boy!

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I know Civil rights day is long over, but this came home in Dalin's backpack and because it's the cutest thing I have ever seen, it had to be shared.

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My last giveaway did not produce a winner. I am getting a complex. I know it's been weeks, but I never discussed this either. I realize I am slacking big time. I am so sorry.

Chasity played and was asked the following question. "Bronson used two analogies to describe life. One was a movie and the other a board game. Name them." She got the monopoly right away, but didn't know The Love Guru. She got the fifty bucks to amazon.

I am going to make these questions easier, because I am tired of people not winning.

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I lost a few years of my life last week….

I know I have mentioned before that I am a freak about scary movies. I HATE THEM. The sounds of terror send me over the edge.

Growing up in the Mormon Church, our leaders would counsel the youth to stay the HELL away from PORN because it would "be forever etched into your brain." Yeah right. I have watched countless hours of porn and nothing is etched into my brain. However, the scary movies I have seen over the years are etched so deeply into my brain you can hear the sound of Norman Bates calling to his mother if you sit close enough to me. *SHUDDER* I KNOW, it scares the shit out of me too.

Next to Psycho, worlds most terrifying movie is The Shining. I was so traumatized by this movie, growing up, I couldn't watch the Jazz games when they played the Lakers, because I would catch a glimpse of Jack and I would FLIP! It rocked me to the very core. I swear to God just thinking about it, sitting here alone with my keyboard and wondering if I even dare to type the words….

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

SCREAM!!!

Last week when I was sick and in bed with a fever. I may have been hallucinating, but in rolled my worst nightmare….

Parker, that is, on this damn trike, that he thinks belongs in the house.

I was in and out of sleep and thought I heard him roll by a few times and my brain turned him into Danny Boy, because those effing movies are etched so deep, it is far more likely to be him instead of my own son. My room grew quiet. I listened intently. I heard nothing but I felt a HUGE presence. I forced my eyes open and came face to face with Parker. Standing. Still. Perfectly Still. And my body went cold and my heart stopped beating. And if he wasn't so damn cute, I would have beat him, because he could have been Danny Boy coming to speak about Red Rum or something.

I lost a few years of my life.

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I miss Bronson.

That seems so lame, since he is actually living in my house for the first time in almost five years. But I have gotten used to him being around and having my thumb on his pulse, and my eye on his behavior. BUT, this past two weeks, he has been working full time plus and I never see him. He rolls out of the house before I even get up, he rolls back into the house about the time I am going to bed, and even when I am not going to bed, he goes straight to his room to talk to his woman and leaves me nothing but his laundry to do. And I am not complaining about that. You all know I love the laundry.

But damnit, I bitched and complained about all the driving I had to do with him when he was in therapy. Two hours a day, back and forth to Laguna Beach….Waa. Waa. Waa. I should have been relishing in that time I had alone with him. I NEVER get to have Bronson to myself. Instead of embracing the opportunity to spend some quality time with my adult child, I pissed it away, and forgot to enjoy it. Kinda seems like the story of my life.

He is doing awesome and staying busy. He is happy and productive. I am a PROUD mama. I don't have a clue what his future holds, but if he is happy, I am happy.

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Last but not least.

SHAYLEE has been accepted to SEVEN colleges and four of them with very nice scholarships. Here we go again!

I am so flipping proud of her I can't stand it!

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Maybe I need Twitter again so I don't have to have six different topics in one post.

Happy Thursday Friends!

34 Comments »

22 Dec

a little update

Posted by Sandi in Family updates, New house

This move, combined with Brandon being gone, Christmas approaching, my dad moving in, Bronson coming home to stay, and life as a mother of fifteen, has kicked my ass this week. I have missed this place to vent, but have had zero time to be here. ZERO!

The first part of the week I was without internet. Then I was without a place to set the computer. Then I couldn’t find the camera. Then it was the camera cord……

That was when I decided to take a break.

So, I am throwing out a little update and taking the rest of the week off. I will return with Christmas pictures by the weekend. I am still not finished with my shopping. I am still not completely unpacked. I still can’t find a damn thing that has been put away. The kids want to swim 24/7. I still can’t figure out how to run half the stuff in this house….. I may never learn because it is HIGH TECH.

In the middle of the night I woke up to loud obnoxious music playing outside my bedroom. I was ready to get up and call the cops because I thought there were a bunch of teenagers parked on the vacant lot next door. I woke Brandon up. (Because he can only hear out of one ear, and in the night he sleeps with that good ear down. Do you blame him?) I had to shake him awake to tell him about the loud music out the back door. He got up to investigate. Come to find out, we have speakers in our backyard so we can pipe our music outside while we are in the pool. That was my music that woke me up. Coming from my ipod. How in the hell it got turned on and piped outside is beyond me. It took Brandon about fifteen minutes of button pushing to get it off.

The day before that, we were all lounging on the sofa when the fire alarm went off. I have no greater fear than a fire in the house, because getting all the kids out of a burning, or smoking, house would be a little mind boggling. I jumped up and ran straight to the fire panel, (Yes we have a fire panel and it would tell me where the fire was and when and if the sprinklers were going to come on.) and it says "system normal" but the piercing beep is still blaring through the house. The kids are all front and center waiting for instructions, when Hunter and Bronson meander around the corner, and calmly say, "The Wii sensor bar is running low on batteries. That’s what you hear." WHAT THE HELL? It sounded like a smoke alarm, and it’s a Wii sensor bar? What is the world coming to? It’s an emergency if the batteries are running low? I lost a few years of my life. SInce that dreaded day, that thing has run low two more times. Now, we don’t even react. We all just look at Brandon who walks upstairs to replace the batteries. I’ll tell you what’s going to happen, There will be a fire and all of us will sit on the couch and look at Brandon who will walk upstairs with his batteries and walk straight into the smoke never to be heard from again. Damn Nintendo is going to kill my husband.

The pool is heaven. The kids love it. But better than the pool is the pool net! It’s saved a few kids already. Day one at this house, Pickle walked right out into the middle of the pool net and stuck her feet through and proceeded to get stuck. She was too far for any of us to reach and the net won’t suspend anyone over eighty pounds. It will keep you from drowning, but it won’t keep you from getting wet. We were only half way moved in and had nothing to change into or dry off with. We all stood around the pool trying to figure out how to get her back to solid ground. Hunter jumped in the wagon and Bronson and I pushed him out as far as we could. He reached out and grabbed her and pulled her into the wagon and we pulled them both back to dry ground. It was an adventure. I felt like I was on the discovery channel. It was a good test of the net. I feel much better about a pool now that I have seen the power of the net.

This house is beautiful. I love it. I am so happy to be here, but it is still so loud. I may never sleep in late again. My house sounds like a cross between McDonalds playland and a public pool. Add any excitement, ie Christmas, a new house, new TV’s, a new pool and the noise level quadruples. Dear God, please let the novelty wear off quickly and send January as quickly as possible. Amen.

There are at least ten more stories I could tell you all, but I am exhausted. And I am going to sit in the hot tub with my man so I don’t have to listen to Sailor fuss herself to sleep.

I have much to be thankful for…..

Shaylee arrived home this weekend.

I have all fifteen babies in the house.

Brandon made it home from Nigeria despite staying in a hotel that was shot up and robbed by armed gangsters.

My dad is hanging out with us indefinitely. Heidi took the kids and moved home to Utah and left my Dad’s ass in Mexico. We have since convinced him to live near us in The OC.

My kids have loved having a full time Grandpa. (One more thing to squeal loudly about.)

The business is going well.

My kids are healthy and happy.

Brandon and I haven’t fought for………… for at least three days.

I am content. It feels good. I know how blessed I am. I know how lucky I am. Thank you all for being part of my life. I love my readers. (even my nasty readers bring a level of entertainment to this house.)

I wish you all the happiest of holidays!

XOXO

27 Comments »