Lucky Thirteen and Counting

 I need some help, some advice, and a listening ear or two.

I knew I could count on you.

I have changed my mind about my high school reunion.  I am going.  I caved AGAIN to peer pressure!  I am seriously weak.  I called and cried to the reunion committee and they let me buy tickets.  Thank you Kristen, Kirk, Aimee, and Michelle.  I know I am a pain in the ass, that much has not changed.  I can’t wait to see you all on Thursday night and Friday night and Saturday at the pool.  

I was supposed to fly the kids, five of them, to Utah to visit their father on Monday.  I decided since I was going to the beehive state anyway, I might as well drive up and bring the kids with me and let their father have them a few days early.  ( I know, I am nice.)   Well, that thought was nice, but The Ex refused to allow me to deliver the kids to him on Saturday night because I was ruining his plans.  

(deep breath) 

Let’s keep in mind that I am arriving in Utah on Thursday, and not leaving Utah until Saturday.  So it’s not like I was expecting him to "babysit" them.  I just wanted to save twelve hundred dollars in airfare and spend some extra time with the kids before I send them off for two weeks.  But, he didn’t care, he refused to work with me.  

Enter Brandon- He was pissed!  The Ex doesn’t pay for the children’s travel, we do.  He doesn’t care if bringing them two days early saves us any money, but Brandon sure as hell cares. Brandon called him and said, "You pay the six hundred dollars I could have saved bringing them one way, or take them two days early."  It was really a whole lot more involved than that, but I will spare you all the gory details.  The Ex, of course, chose to have the children two days early.  Which is exactly what he should have wanted in the first place.  

What this little fight did do for us is open our eyes to the stupidity of us paying for the kids to see their father.  We are now DONE paying for the the kids to visit The Ex.  If he wants to see them he can fly them up, or drive down here and spend time with them. I do not know any custodial parent that pays for travel to visit the non-custodial parent.  Am I wrong?  

I have plans on Friday night that Brandon is included in.  It’s the actual reunion dinner.  My mom and sister are going to a concert that night.   Do any of you Utah friends want to play with Hunter, Hadley, Jace, Jazzi and Kate on Friday evening?  This is the easiest crew I have, so I am happy to share them because I love you people.   If I had any of the special eddies, I wouldn’t ask, because I love you people.  But these five are a JOY!  

They are old enough to hang out in the Hotel and watch movie, but isn’t that bad mother like?  

************************************************************************************************************

I had this entire post written and ready to publish, and then, via TEXT message, I got in a fight with my mother.  If you are a full time reader you know my mother and I are like oil and water.  I am now debating whether I even want to attend the reunion, because I don’t want to be in the same state as her.  I can’t stand the way that woman makes me feel.  Why is it that a person I haven’t lived with for 20 years can make me feel worse than anyone else on the planet?  She makes my blood boil and makes my tummy churn.  I literally have been moments from puking this past hour.  My hands are shaking, my heart is pounding, I am sweating and fretting, and this time I can’t call it generalized anxiety.  This time I can call it  "MY MOTHER!" 

Let me tell you all how this happened, but please if you are not interested in DRAMA, stop reading now.  I would also encourage anyone that knows my mother, or who is related to me, close your window, turn off your computer and stop reading my blog, you will not like what you are about to read.  

The rest of you are welcome to read this and I am happy to hear your thoughts.  (If they match mine exactly) 

I have asked my mother multiple times to stop visiting my kids at The Ex’s house when they are there.  For four years we have been having this conversation.  We have offered to fly her here anytime she wants to come.  We have offered to fly the kids up to spend time just with her, We have offered to all come up and spend the weekend at her house.  BUT, when The Ex has the kids, it’s his time, with his family, not her time.  The Ex shouldn’t have to spend his two weeks of the year making sure the kids see all the grandma’s.  

My side of the family=my time.

His side of the family=his time.  

I am also uncomfortable with the role my mother still plays in The Ex’s life, and vice versa.   We have had conversation after conversation about how it feels disrespectful to Brandon when she is still inviting my Ex to family functions, whether he has the kids or not.  For God’s sake he was invited to my little brothers wedding.  We put our foot down and refused to attend.  Little brother made it clear that, if lines in the sand were drawn, he was on The Ex’s side.  Needless to say, I am not close to my family, lines have been drawn again and again and all we do is fight. I know where I stand and how the entire family feels about me and my parenting and my blog. The Ex just wants to be everyone’s friend and plumber so he never says a word and never turns down a free meal or a job.  

Maybe this is helping you all understand the bigger picture of why we packed our little family up and moved out of UTAH!  

The fight tonight started as a TEXT asking my mom if she would be interested in seeing the kids on Friday night.  She texted back that she was going to George Strait, but that the kids were welcome to sleep over and she would see them in the morning.  I replied and asked her if I could call her. 

I am now going to copy word for word the conversation. 

MOM:  "No, I WILL CALL YOU LATER!"

ME: "okay, I am just trying to make plans."

MOM:  "I’ll have to see the kids another time.  I won’t be home either day. sorry."

ME:  "No Problem.  Maybe next year."

MOM:  "won’t they be up to their dad’s next week?"

ME:  "yep, but you know we don’t want you visiting them with him.  We have discussed this with you at least ten times."

MOM:  "Why? That is stupid. What difference does that make? You deprive your kids from their grandparents and cousins for what purpose?"

ME:  "So I can enjoy sharing them with my family. I tried to share them with you, and you had other plans.  That’s fine.  I shared them with you in April.  I offered to fly you here anytime. You can see them anytime with me and brandon.  That’s the way it is.  When you go around us it makes the kids and (ex’s name) uncomfortable because they know how we feel about it.  Brandon is very happy to talk to you about this if you would like to call him.  I know you aren’t currently talking to me, he wonders if it would help to talk with him"

MOM:  "You are seriously messed.  You blog about how well you and (ex’s name) handle sharing the kids. far from it. You have alienated them from their whole family because of your petty jealously." 

ME:  "I will blog this conversation tomorrow.  You are priceless."

MOM:  "It won’t change my mind. Everyone thinks its horrible. You are only hurting the kids. This has nothing to do with my feelings for Brandon. You are wrong and I don’t give a rats ass what your bloggers say. You just tell them a distorted version anyway."

***************************************************************************************

So there you have the fight.  

Brandon, my unflappable rock, got hot under the collar again, (twice in one day)and pounded out an email to my mother telling her the same shit we have been telling her for over four years.   

My kids don’t have a relationship with my mom.  She is not a "grandma", she is their mom’s mother.  It’s not like she is trying to facilitate a relationship of any sort in this house with my kids.  She doesn’t call the kids, or email the kids, She mails them a card on their birthdays that usually arrives a week or two late.  She is stubborn and bull headed and that is about the only thing we have in common.  Yet, she still had the power to make me bawl like a two year old and say the "f" word like it doesn’t matter. She makes me insane!!  She makes me want to be a better mom and an even better Grandma.  She makes me want to blog the shit out of her and the hell she puts me through.  But I swear to God, in less than ten minutes after I post this, I will have four emails or text messages from my mothers children spewing hate and mental diagnoses at me.  

It’s been a day from fucking hell. 

I know why my father is an alcoholic.