Lucky Thirteen and Counting

Sailor Grace

Born at 2:35 Mountain time

6 .8

18”

Absolutely PERFECT.

I was blessed to hear the entire delivery on my phone.  Those first cries were music to my ears.

She is a spitting image of Ellie Brooke.   

10 am-

M is resting comfortably

Dilated 3 cm

Water is broken

I am NOT resting comfortably

I am pacing the floor and checking my phone every two minutes

I have spent the last 24 hours swinging high and wide on the emotional scale. I am so excited about this baby. I can’t wait to find out who is joining our family. I can’t wait to meet this little person and I am crossing my fingers for a safe and happy delivery for both the baby and for M.

BUT, when I am alone with my thoughts, I cry for M.  I have been worried and fretting about her for weeks, and now it’s finally here.  The day is arriving and I am a basket case for what she is about to go through.  I have been praying constantly for her to have peace and fortitude. I have been pleading with the Lord that she will have the strength to do what she intends to do and remember all the reasons that brought her to that decision. Alone in my laundry room, while I am busy washing newborn clothes, I cry tears that only a mother can cry for another mother. Her loss will be great. Her arms will ache. Her heart will grieve.  I wish with all my heart that she didn’t have to know this pain.  I wish NOBODY had to know this grief.  

The sacrifice that she is making for this child is immeasurable.  She isn’t a bad mother.   She is parenting three children and doing a great job.  She isn’t a bad person.  Getting pregnant isn’t a qualifier of that in my book.  I think she is an amazing woman that is making a difficult decision she feels she has to make.  None of us can judge her.  This child hasn’t been removed from her care because of neglect or abuse.  She isn’t leaving this child in a dumpster.  She has carried and cared for this baby for nine months, made countless sacrifices along the way, and on Tuesday, she will sign her name to a legal document giving up all of her rights and responsibilities to this little person.  

For those of you that sing the praises of Brandon and I for adopting all of these kids that wouldn’t have otherwise had a home, I want to say here and now that I believe every one of my children would have had a home. None of my adopted children were in State care.  None of my children were rescued from the system, or from an orphanage.  Brandon and I sought out these kids and made ourselves available to them.  More often than not, I was presented with other families to the Birthmothers.  We aren’t doing anything differently than any other adoptive family out there.  If we feel like adding a child to our family, we do it.  We do NOT specify race.  We do not care what the health of the child is.  We do not care about the background of the birth parents.  We believe that by leaving all of our options open to any and every situation, we are allowing the child that belongs with us, to come to us. 

Today on the phone with Dee, the agency director, I told her this was it.  I couldn’t do the adoption roller coaster again.  We are spent!  BUT, I added before we hung up, that if she ever had a child she couldn’t place because of medical uncertainties, or special needs, or drug exposure, or no head…. I was the family she had better be calling.  I would always take a baby that others wouldn’t. Because even ‘Pickles and Tys’ need a family.  

I am sorry this turned into soapbox adoption 101, but there are so many misconceptions out there and I want you all to know that my children’s birthparents are my heroes.  I love them all, even the ones I’ve never had the opportunity to meet.  These little ones that call me mommy all came from amazing parents who loved them enough to make a choice that they believed was the best thing for these kids.  I am the lucky one.  I have been blessed with ten amazing birth parents.  My family was created by love. 

Please keep M in your prayers this week.  Through all the excitement of a new little Benson, and adorable pictures on these pages, and words of ooh and aah, and maybe words of complaint about lack of sleep and exhaustion, don’t forget about this plea.  She needs to feel our prayers lift her and carry her through the next few weeks.  She has other kids depending on her. Pray she will heal both physically and mentally and find peace in her heart.  I pray she knows of our love for her and knows that both her children will be raised in a safe and loving family.   

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Monday-baby is scheduled to be born

Tuesday- Consents are signed

Wednesday- We get baby. 

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Thank you all for your love and interest in our growing family.  

I was prepared to sit down today and write the dreaded post telling you that the adoption was not going to happen.   M hadn’t been in contact with the agency for six days.  She hadn’t returned calls or text messages.

She was GONE.

It was OVER. 

I texted the agency director and told her I felt like things were done and she agreed.  I texted Brandon and broke the news that we wouldn’t be adopting.  Thirty minutes later M called the agency and checked in.  

We are back in the game.  

(not that you ever thought we weren’t.) 

For people that think adoption is "getting a baby the easy way," clearly they have never done it.  

I need an epidural from the waist up.  

Somebody numb my heart and head until this is OVER!