Sandi « Lucky Thirteen and Counting

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04 Aug

a few words about being a boob

Posted by Sandi in Random, export

Sometimes it's not easy being a basket case. Please tell me I am not alone in this.

I am busy preparing to drop off number 2 and 3 in two short weeks and I am ready and I am excited and it's fun having projects to do. (Read that as shopping to do.)

I have had my head wrapped around Hunter leaving for quite some time. I KNOW, without a doubt, that he is ready to do it and going to do great. I have prepared myself for the stress and the worry that I will feel having him there instead of here.

I am happy for him and proud of him.

I am excited!!

So when I logged onto the Baylor School website yesterday to find out about Hunter's summer reading, I also clicked the "drop off weekend orientation" link to see the drill for operation move-in Remember, I just did this with Shaylee three years ago so I am only brushing up. I am sitting here surrounded by the big kids, feeling excited, and I start to read aloud.

"FRIDAY-

Check in by 9am

lunch with parents in the dining hall

meetings with advisors and dorm mates.

student returns home in the evening with parents.

SATURDAY-

More meetings

finish moving in

Student remains on campus through the night

SUNDAY-

Parents depart campus by 5PM"

When I read, "Student remains on campus through the night." I couldn't even get the words out. I choked up, my voice stopped working, and all the kids behind me, reading over my shoulder, started laughing.

If I hadn't been reading aloud I think I would have been fine, maybe a pit in my stomach or a quiver in my lip, but I would have been fine. It's when I am reading out loud that it gets me every time.

At every sporting event, including our swim meets, the Pledge and the National Anthem make me cry. If I listen no problem, if I participate I am screwed.

When I used to go to church, I could mouth the words and be fine but if I sang the song, the tears would flow.

For all you Mormons out there, all I have to say is, "Oh how lovely was the morning." Seriously, I just have to say the words and I get a lump in my throat. I don't even consider myself a Mormon anymore, but the brainwashing has gone deep!!

I am tired of bawling all the time. It takes a lot of energy to either cry or to fight it. HELP! Any idea how to stop this insanity?

22 Comments »

02 Aug

I am the anti-blogger

Posted by Sandi in blogging, export

I canceled the trip to New York. I was planning on going. I was seriously going to do it. Brandon had arranged business meetings to do there while I was at BlogHer. We were going to the bar to have drinks made by an old high school friend of Brandon's. We were meeting friends from Vermont and, and, and, it all boiled down to three things.

1- I suck at leaving my kids.

It seems like I just barely returned home from Vegas. That little trip was a much needed, long time planned, sex trip to go on while Shaylee was home and Eric was here to help her with the kids. My kids require a two man crew. I loved every minute of it. But it just ended and it seriously seems like I just got home.

ALSO

I am leaving on the 16th of August to go to ATL with Hunter and Shaylee in tow. I have no choice. I have to go on this trip. I will be gone for one week. I drop Shay off at Berry on the 17th. I drop Hunter off at Baylor on the 20th and we say good bye to him on the 21st. I will be gone for six days. I can't justify leaving the kids this week when I have to leave them in two weeks. It's too much and I just can't do it. I hate being away from them. I hate not being in control of what's going on at home and it's plain and simply not worth the stress.

2-Swim championships.

I couldn't miss them! The kids really don't care one way or the other, but I do. I love the meets. I love being there. I have five swimmers competing in two events each, plus Jace is on two relay teams. That is twelve events I can cheer for. I love it! I can't wait!

3- I am not a real blogger.

There I said it.

I don't do the things that real bloggers do. I could care less about having ads on the site, or networking, or conference attending. I just write to write. I am never going to be a HUGE blogger. I am just doing my own thing, breaking all the blogging rules in the process, and it seems absolutely pointless to go to a blogging conference to hear just that.

For bloggers that blog to be seen, heard, and too make money doing what they do, BLOG HER is a fantastic place to be. It is full of great information, lots of networking opportunities, fun classes and lots of free stuff.

For the anti- blogger like myself…. I don't need it.

I could attend a class on blogging through tragedy. Hello, I blogged through Bronson's attempted suicide and flipped out a whole lot of readers.

I could attend a class on dealing with trolls…. I should be teaching the class on dealing with trolls.

I could attend a class on networking and finding more readers. But finding readers takes time and effort and I have ZERO time to spare. Nor do I want more readers. More readers means more traffic, more traffic means more trolls.

I am not sure why I would fly all the way to New York City to hear about all the things I should be doing and all the things I am doing wrong. Because guess what? I have my own set of rules. I am going to blog about whatever I feel like writing about. I think I have proven that time and time again.

I was reading a post the other day on getting ready for the BlogHer conference and it was filled with what to wear, what shoes to buy, what parties to attend, where to eat and who to eat with…..

I just can't do it. It's more bullshit than I want to worry about or have to worry about.

and can I confess one more thing to you?

I read five blogs.

FIVE.

I would be standing there amongst all these other bloggers with my cute little business card saying, "Here you go, you should read me. But don't give me your card, I won't be reading you because I have no free time to read anything other than a people magazine on an airplane every few months."

I had a pile of business cards from BlogHer last year that I just barely threw in the trash can. I had them stored in my suitcase and I pitched them before we went to Vegas. I had good intentions. I was going to check out the blogs of all 130 people I had cards for.

I am sure there were awesome writers, beautiful photographers, hilarious stories…. but no matter how incredible they were, I just don't have the time and I feel badly about it.

So lets recap-

I can't leave my kids.

I want to watch the swim meet.

I am not a real blogger.

I suck at doing real blogger things.

I have no desire to worry about what I am wearing or if the 2000 plus other women in attendance like my shoes.

and I will never find the time to read anymore blogs than the five I am already reading.

and that gives me guilt already without finding 130 more awesome blogs that I won't have time to read.

Meanwhile-

I am happy to be keeping my butt right here in Orange County where I can write about the shit I want to write about, take crappy pictures, brag about money, ruin my children's hair, expose anonymous trolls, and still find time to write an almost daily post so you can read about my chaos and my quirks in your spare time.

Currently I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I think I belong at home.

34 Comments »

31 Jul

week in pictures

Posted by Sandi in export, week in Pictures

14 Comments »

29 Jul

she’s my daughter

Posted by Sandi in Hadley

14 Comments »

28 Jul

Change

Posted by Sandi in Random

My web design guy is almost done with my new blog. I am excited and terrified. You all know how well I do with change. I might have it up and running for 24 hours, burst into tears, and go back to this old thing. I have a very difficult time letting things go. I am also kinda weird and develop attachments to "things."

In a random conversation the other day, Brandon asked me what I would want my next bed to look like. Why would he want a new bed? I love my bed. I am attached to my bed. We have spent four years in the this bed. I have had mind blowing sex in this bed. I have cried myself to sleep in this bed. I have solved huge problems in this bed. I LOVE THIS BED! I can't and I won't ever part with this bed!

Speaking of new things…

We were sitting alone by the pool the other day. I pulled my swimming suit down to check out the healing of my boobs and Hadley walked outside at that very moment. She goes, "Are your nipples real?"

"Yes, my nipples are real."

"OH! Will they ever look normal?"

For the record. My nipples look great, I have no idea why this child doesn't think my nipples are real or normal looking.

Damn kids.

And speaking of irritating…

My children harass me about my arm hair. Do you shave your arms? Is this a generational thing, like pubic hair? If you are younger than 30 you most likely don't have pubic hair, if you are older than forty you most likely do.

What should I do?

Maybe I am attached to my arm hair. Maybe I will burst into tears the moment it's gone. My arm hair and I have been through a hell of a lot together…. and It gives my arms a little oomph.

24 Comments »

25 Jul

week in pictures

Posted by Sandi in week in Pictures

Hunter is feeling giddy in this picture. Can you tell? He is freakin' happy to have lived through that med switch!

This is my BFF Tara. Tara and I were next door neighbors for five years…. She still loves me in spite of that.

Tara was one of the few people that stuck by me through the hell I caused myself. She came over on many occasions in the spring of 2005 to fix me ramen noodles and climb in bed with me for a good girl cry. I miss her every damn day. She will never be next door, but she is in my heart for life.

She brought her kids down this week to spend SIX days with us.

Ty is growing up so fast.

We took all fifteen to dinner tonight. The owner of this joint loves us. I am not sure why…. you should see the place when we leave.

Ellie Brooke

Aren't babies this age supposed to fear the outdoors? Sailor crawls as fast as possible through the grass to eat the dirt and the plants. All my other babies would be paralyzed with fear the moment their butts hit the grass. I would use that to my advantage often. So the other day I sat Sailor on the grass hoping it would give me a moment to relax. WRONG! She is a wild one.

Brothers- Charlie and Storm.

Yesterday Sailor lost her innocence. It was her first, full head, hair-do. It was HELL! For both of us.

She slept well afterwards. She never falls asleep with the bottle in her mouth. I loved having a sleeping baby in my arms.

Tara and her family went home today. That was me you heard crying. Damn UTAH! Parker was just as sad as I was. He had a little crush on Mia. He calls her "meow." (She is the cutie in the balloon crown.)

This is a game called speed. It's fast and loud and I am always grateful we don't have neighbors when the kids play it. They stand in a line and try to outshoot each other with the basketballs. It's beyond my comprehension. But it is a FAVORITE!

Any Orthodontists out there? Can you tell me right now how much I need to save to buy the braces and headgear for my thumb sucker?

It was a wild and crazy week! On Tuesday our friends DB, Nicole, and their five kids arrive. We are having a blast entertaining.

SWEET SWEET SUMMER!

9 Comments »

24 Jul

New summer looks

Posted by Sandi in Jasmine, Kate, My kids, Pickle

Kate is rockin' the short look.

And tomorrow, we are going to the mall to get her ears pierced so she looks even more sassy!

Do you know how hard it is to get a decent picture of this child? Jeez Louise!

This baby was PERFECT at Pauline's because Shaylee took her and she listens to Shaylee and minds Shaylee. Pauline pretty much told Shaylee that Pickle couldn't come back ever again unless Shaylee was bringing her.

I think I might be on to something here.

Jazzi Hope.

This is all Jazzi's own hair. It was important to her that Pauline didn't use any "fake hair" because the kids at school have been telling her that her hair isn't real. These braids will only last/look cute for about three weeks, but if Jazzi is done with extensions then we will drive to Pauline's as often as necessary.

All three girls are HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY with their hair.

If my babies are happy, I am happy.

P.S. HAPPY PIONEER DAY MORMONS! It's weird to not be at a parade or lighting fireworks. SO STRANGE.

20 Comments »

23 Jul

NEWPORT BEACH

Posted by Sandi in beach

I took these four peeps.

Tara brought her four peeps.

We had ZERO CHILDREN! Well, it felt like zero to me….

It was awesome!!

I think I am going to start doing this more often. It was a perfect day. I actually got to lie down flat on my towel for about fifteen minutes. Do you have any idea how long it's been since I have been able to close my eyes on the beach? I honestly can't even remember if I ever have.

The weather was gorgeous, not a cloud in the sky.

The sand was HOT.

The water was warm.

The wind was chilly.

PERFECT BEACH CONDITIONS.

TODAY WAS MUCH NEEDED!!

I think I will survive. My battery has been recharged.

3 Comments »

22 Jul

some days are harder than others

Posted by Sandi in Random, mental illness

First, before I begin whining about my day.

A few of you have had questions about Hunter switching from Guanfacine to Guanfacine.

The best way I can explain the switch is this, If you are at the store and want to buy ibuprofen, there are multiple different names to buy it under. ADVIL, MOTRIN, generic brand, CHILDREN"S MOTRIN, INFANT MOTRIN. You get the idea. They are made at different companies with different fillers.

If ibuprofen came out with a new bigger better pill that was time released and you could take it once a day and be pain and fever free all day long….. Well, that is what we are doing with Hunter. It's the new Guanfacine, better company, longer acting, less side effects, less fillers.

Hunter made a graph to show the difference.

We start his first pill tonight. PRAISE THE LORD!

Moving on-

********************************

Brandon has STREP throat. He is sicker than a dog. Two nights ago he begged me to kill him. I thought about it for a split second and realized if he is that miserable, I need to take him to the Doctor. He has been burning up with fever, freezing his ass off, aching and wanting to die.

I hauled him to the Urgent Care yesterday morning. They took half a look at him, told him to drink lots of fluid and get plenty of rest. "YOU HAVE A COLD."

WTF?

I told the idiot in a uniform that he needed to run a flu test on him because he had classic symptoms of the flu and ZERO symptoms of a cold. AND I HAVE FIFTEEN KIDS AT HOME, PLUS COMPANY, AND IF HE HAS THE FLU, IT HAS TO STOP HERE!!!!

The Dr. walked out, got a swab, stuck it up his nose and said, "You'll have results in three days."

At this point my temperature was rising.

If we won't have results for three days, he will continue to feel like shit, and breathe germs all over my house, and infect my FIFTEEN KIDS PLUS COMPANY and too much time will have passed to catch it with Tamiflu.

"Would you mind writing a prescription for tamiflu?"

"i guess I could do that."

DUH!

I was furious!

While Brandon was waiting for his script and paying his pointless bill, I got on the phone and called Kelly.

Kelly is a dear friend. She became a dear friend because she is the office manager at the pediatricians office. ( I have spent a lot of time there.)

I told her that the idiots at Urgent Care told me it took three days to get results for a flu swab. She confirmed that I knew what I was doing, and that there are indeed rapid tests for H1N1 and that she had them there. "Which kid you bring you bringing in hon?"

"ummm…… Brandon? Will Dr. Lin see him?"

SIlence

"Hold on, I'm going to ask."

I held for a moment, Brandon was still paying, and she came back on the phone and said, "BRING HIM OVER!"

I LOVE my DOCTORS and my KELLY!

We drove straight there.

Brandon was miserable and mortified and said, "I HATE MY LIFE."

Once there at the pediatric clinic, Dr.Lin took one look at him said, I want to do a strep test.

and you guessed it, it was positive. He got his antibiotics and a sticker.

I was, and still am, beyond grateful for my team of professionals. Brandon is doing much better today. I think I am going to transfer my medical records over to SoCal peds.

************************************************

So, add the med switch going on for Hunter, a sick husband, stressing out of mind about whether or not to go to BlogHer, and all the other life stuff that happens daily…..

I hit the wall.

Last night, after being awaked by Parker twice, Pauline the hair braider once, and Brandon getting in and out of bed for medication multiple times…. I just laid there. I couldn't settle down. I couldn't fall back to sleep, so after one hour of listening to Brandon clear his throat and swallow repeatedly I got up and took a Xanax.

I got up this morning at seven I am told, I think I got the kids to school and I went back to bed and regained my sanity and my wits at 10:30 this morning.

I think I took that pill too late or something.

Or maybe I am just fried and finally hit the wall.

Either way, I am being kind to myself today. I am doing small amounts of laundry. I am speaking softly and praying for patience, because mine seems to have gone out the door.

Maybe I will find it in New York because I am going. My kids could care less if I am at the meet or not, in fact, a few of them thought it might be less embarrassing without me there screaming and cheering. It was ME that felt awful about missing the meet. I LOVE seeing my kids kick butt. It's the competitive side of me. I am sure I will be on the phone all day Saturday for a play by play. But I am ready for a break.

Brandon is joining me. Shaylee and CeCe are manning the troops. I am going to have fun. But if I don't I will give a play by play of the drama.

Deep Breath

14 Comments »

20 Jul

Holy Mary Mother Of God

Posted by Sandi in Hunter

Hunter is in the middle of a med switch and I may KILL HIM.

But he is so damn funny, I allow him to continue living.

We have had to wean him off his Guanfacine in order to begin the new stuff. It has been a slow process. and everyday, while the old stuff gets out of his system, his behavior becomes more and more entertaining.

At least once a day, somebody in the family will make a comment about Hunter's behavior. I honestly don't think we realized just how well his meds were working until now.

Currently, he is running up and down the hallway dragging ipod headphones in hopes that the cats will chase him. So far, no cat is chasing him and he looks like a fruitcake.

He squeals like a girl, laughs loudly all the time, engages in one sided conversations, drops everything he picks up, and forgets what he was supposed to do twenty seconds after he set out to do it.

My patience is wearing thin… So is Hunter's.

On Thursday he will begin taking a brand new medication. It's called Intuniv.

According to our fabulous doctor, it's a cleaner medication, more pure, less side effects, time released, and hopefully better for Hunter in terms of focus at Boarding school.

I will let you all know how it goes.

Until then, pray for Hunter. I may tie him to a tree in the backyard, or break out the flip and broadcast his insanity on youtube!

*and for you anti-mommy bloggers out there, Hunter is the one that told me I should be blogging about this, and he is right. We need to document this stuff!

15 Comments »