This is a post I have been both longing to write and dreading simultaneously. A number of things have happened this week that have moved this post from idea, to FRONT AND CENTER of my mind. It’s one thing for me to think about writing and it’s completely another to actually get the words out of my brain and onto the keyboard.
Let me start at the beginning of the week and then take you back from there.
Riding in the car with Hadley, she looked at me and said, “Do you want me to go to boarding school?”
“Of course I do.”
“Oh this is going to be hard then, cause you want me to go and Brandon doesn’t.”
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For all that know me in real life, I know you are holding your breath for the outburst that was sure to follow.
For those of you that don’t know me in real life, let me explain.
Boarding school is something I am passionate about. It’s not a place to send my children away to. It’s an education like no other I have ever found and that I believe my children deserve to have. I love boarding school!
I do not consider myself a snob in any other department except education. I believe you get what you pay for and I demand the VERY best for my kids.
Twenty some odd years ago-
I fell through the cracks in public school. I do not believe it’s any one person’s fault. If there is blame to place, it can only be put on me.
For years I blamed my age because I was a young kid in my grade. For years I blamed my parents. For years I blamed the public school system. Now as an adult, I can only blame myself.
I was a failure in school.
FAIL. FAIL. FAIL.
I dropped out of high school my senior year. I dropped out with as many credits as a sophomore would have. I attended night school every quarter throughout my three years there, and it still didn’t give me even close to the number of credits I needed.
I was a lost cause. I knew that graduating was impossible by the time senior year started.
My counselor and Vice Principal took me aside and said, “There is no reason for you to continue here. Go to a community college or something. Your time at Bountiful High School is over.”
So I left. I enrolled in Salt Lake Community College and my dad paid extra so the credit hours I earned would be converted to high school credits. That way, I would at the least have a high school equivalent. I did one semester there. In the mean time, I got pregnant, lost the baby at seventeen weeks, lost the love of my life, and ran off to Atlanta to be a nanny. If you think I learned one thing in that semester of college, you are dead wrong. I learned life lessons. HARD ONES. But I couldn’t even tell you what classes I took that summer.
I didn’t just fail at high school, I failed at learning. I don’t know if I have learned one thing since elementary school. I earned my first ‘D’ in 5th grade. I was devastated. I learned then and there that if I didn’t know enough about a subject to get a high B or an A, I would prefer a ZERO. I would rather fail by not trying than fail after I had tried. It was mortifying.
I turned into a sickly child in 5th grade. I started missing tons of school. I could explain my bad grades because I had missed multiple days. As long as I had an excuse, I was covered. I justified it even to myself.
Jr. High was a joke. I went from “sickly child” to “bad-ass-get-the-fuck-out-of-my-face child.” I would skip class after class to avoid quizzes and tests. I never copied. I never cheated. I just began my life as a bad student. If I didn’t know the material, the assignment ended up in the trash for a zero, or I walked out of class. I didn’t know how to learn. So I didn’t try. That cycle continued. Give me a ZERO, but don’t give me 50%.
Let me say this again.
I don’t know how to learn.
Even today, when Brandon sits down with Hadley and explains Algebra, I get physically sick. I sit in on her tutor sessions and I still can’t begin to wrap my brain around the concepts. It’s so over my head.
Foreign language? NEVER.
History? If it’s mine, I am a fabulous historian. If it doesn’t pertain to my life or happened before 1971, forget it.
Thank God for spell check and calculators. Thank God Brandon edits this blog. Grammar? Yeah right. Brandon and I have comma wars constantly. If I am reading this out loud in my head, and I pause, that is where my commas go. Brandon claims there are comma rules. I guess I never learned them. Clearly I was absent that day.
I don’t know if I have, ever until this very moment, admitted to anyone, including myself, that I am a high school dropout.
I am a high school dropout.
I am ashamed and embarrassed even twenty years later.
Enter Bronson. At nineteen I accomplished all I had ever dreamed of, I became a mother.
Bronson was born with an amazing ability to learn, memorize, and recall. He could blow the socks off anyone that would listen to his three year old self name all the planets, or all the dinosaurs. He could classify animals at five. He continued astounding everyone with his genius-ness. When he hit sixth grade his desire to learn everything in sight began to diminish. I was concerned that his thirst for knowledge had been quenched, and because he was academically years ahead of his peers, he would start slacking off. Call it mother’s intuition, because sure enough, he started slacking. I was searching high and low for things to stimulate his mind and reignite his desire for knowledge. He was too young to go to college; his Jr. high didn’t offer any honors or AP classes until 9th grade. The district was happy to test him and move him up if that’s what I wanted, but I was concerned about my twelve-year-old being with a bunch of fifteen-year-olds.
In sixth grade I pulled him out of school and began home-schooling him. We traveled to New York. We visited Gettysburg. I allowed him to work at his own pace and study the things that interested him. He was taking online courses through the local college. After a few months, the only thing interesting him, were his video games.
I was watching myself in him and I was terrified! Brons had the ability to be and do anything he wanted and at the rate he was going, he was going to end up working for his dad as a plumber because that would have been the easy thing to do.
In frustration, I threatened to send him off to military school, and after an especially grueling day, I googled it. That was the best google search I have ever done in my life!!!
“Military school” results included Boarding schools or college prep schools for academically bright students. Financial aid was available. I began educating myself and requested information from multiple schools.
We lived in Utah at this time. The only kids I knew that attended boarding school were Prince Harry and Prince William and Harry Potter. I never even knew schools like this existed in this country or that they were available for the non-magical/non-royalty types. I knew nothing about college prep schools. I had never even dreamed that such a place existed for my kids. There are multiple different types of boarding schools.
Therapeutic schools -for kids with big issues.
Military schools -for kids with behavior problems and/or a desire to join the armed forces.
Athletic boarding schools- There are amazing schools with VERY strong athletic programs so you can send your athlete to be mentored and trained and noticed even before college.
I just needed a school for a smart as hell kid with ZERO motivation.
In the beginning it was a dream. I was fantasizing about this kind of an education for my kids. Ten kids per class, they live among the teachers, they do sports or afternoon activities five days per week and service projects on the weekends. The best part of all, it claimed 100% of college prep graduates attend college.
Bronson would be the first of a long line of people to attend college. I didn’t attend, his father didn’t, and none of our parents or grandparents did. Bronson would be and is the first!!
When Bronson was thirteen we embarked on a trip across the US. He applied in person and interviewed at eleven schools. My entire world had opened up. The possibilities for my children were endless. I got a taste of the best and I couldn’t settle for less.
Bronson was accepted to five out of the eleven and of those, he chose The Asheville School. The decision was completely his. I forced him to apply; I never forced him to attend. But after he got a taste of the prep school life, he wanted it as well.
After my experience with public school, both my own education and the educations of my kids, I can only compare boarding school to public school in this way. PLEASE don’t take offense to this. I am begging you all. THIS IS MY OPINION.
An education is an education. Right?
A department store is a department store. Right?
Public school- Wal-Mart
Independent boarding school- Saks Fifth Ave.
You can get the same things at both stores. Basic needs, clothing, a wedding gift or two. BUT the service is vastly different.
The teachers and administrators at both Bronson and Shaylee’s schools absolutely know and love my kids. They want to know what they are doing 24/7. I think they do know. The teachers spend their free time attending their sporting events; they take them to the mall. They know their family situation, their friendships, and the hopes and dreams of my kids. They go well above and beyond the academic teaching. They nurture the entire kid. There may be teachers in public school that you can say the same thing about, but I haven’t met them. I am not sure how they could provide all their students the love and care and time in a public setting. But in boarding school, with the teacher student ratio at about 1/7, you can guarantee that they are getting a full service, high quality education. I want nothing less for my kids. I think my children deserve and are entitled to the finest.
Now, let me step off my soapbox and assure you, we eat at McDonalds, we shop at Wal-Mart, we drive old beaters, my kids have second hand backyard toys, and we do hand-me-downs. We dine at Chuck-E Cheese and think it’s gourmet. I do not feel like a snob in any other way but this.
I am sure my own education has colored my views and affected my judgment about what constitutes a GOOD education. In my opinion, if the teacher knows you, loves you, wants you to succeed and knows if and when you aren’t, and does something about it, THAT IS A GOOD EDUCATION. I think an education where they teach you to learn and to think for yourself and become accountable for all you do, that is what I consider a great education.
Now, since I am always on the defensive and because I know I will get abused from a few haters, let me say this. A lot of parents think they should be the ones that do the loving, the molding, the teaching, and ensure that the kids have a handle on their work and their grades. Some parents can do this and make sure their kids get extra help if necessary and teach the kids responsibility and do it all. I am not one of those parents. I am a shitty shitty mother in that department. If my kids say, “my homework is done,” I trust them. If they say, “I understand the math concept,” I believe them. If they say, “I am too tired to do an afternoon activity,” I will say, “That’s okay. Take a nap baby.” I am a sucker and push over and I know it.
I saw Bronson turning into a couch potato and saw his love of learning slipping away and no matter what I did, or how I yelled, it didn’t change things. It made me a mean mom and Bronson a naughty shit.
Having an individual that is not MOM, say to my son, “If you don’t get up for class, or don’t show up for mountaineering, you will have weekend restriction.” And if it happens, actually follow through and enforce it…. It has made a world of difference in the kids that Bronson and Shaylee have turned out to be. They have learned consequences from real life, not from me.
If my mom said, “JUMP.” I sat my ass down. I can see some of the rebellious streaks in my bio kids and cringe when I tell them to do anything. I find sharing my opinion and offering suggestions is far more beneficial.
When I told Shaylee she was going to boarding school and to start looking at the schools she wanted to apply to, she moved in with her father. If that’s not my daughter…Holy SHIT!
I gave her the same speech I just gave you about Saks VS Wal-mart. She said, “I like Wal-mart just fine.” Shaylee didn’t go to Baylor until her sophomore year. When it was her idea she went, with my full support and blessing. She has blossomed in the past three years and even pulled off better grades than her genius brother.
I could ramble on and on and on about boarding school and parenting my big kids. I love it. I am passionate about it. I have been blessed thus far with amazing schools and fantastic role models and mentors for my kids. I hope we get to continue on this path.
Brandon’s side
He attended a public high school and did great. He actually went to class, did the work, participated in extra curricular activities, served a two-year mission for the church and attended college where he graduated with a Bachelor degree. He had a very different experience and he thinks that public school is a fine place to be.
Brandon’s definition of success is different than mine. He says, we won’t be able to tell if the boarding school kids are more successful than public school kids until far later in life.
I measure their success now. They are happy. Bronson graduated. HELLO that’s HUGE in my book! He is in college and happy and doing fantastic. Shaylee is a senior this year. She loves it. She is a head prefect in her dorm. She called me this morning and read off her grades for the term…. And I bawled my eyes out. She is doing better than amazing. She is taking classes and doing things she would have never done or could have done in a public school setting. I am so proud of her and the success she has achieved. And guess what? She is doing it for herself. Not for me, not for her teachers. Just for her. She is applying to ten fabulous colleges all over the nation and I know she will follow her heart and choose the one where she belongs. The responsibility that boarding school teaches the kids is worth every penny we pay. But the ultimate success in my book is their happiness and love of learning and of school that they have right now. Because they want to do well, and they want to learn, they are learning and knowledge is POWER!
Brandon and I are going to be fine. We have a lot of BIG things in our marriage that we don’t see eye to eye on. We have different beliefs about a lot of things. I will continue to encourage all of my kids to seek out the best education possible. I hope that they all choose boarding school. It’s heads and tails above any public education they could have.
I have been fighting the boarding school battle for quite some time with multiple people in our lives. Since we don’t live on the east coast, and people in the west don’t understand it, I am sure this will be something I will continue to explain over and over again. I didn’t just ship my children off. They aren’t bad kids, they are awesome kids. I am just an education snob brought on by YEARS of guilt and failure. I miss them like crazy while they are away, but I sleep well every night knowing they are where they want to be and at home at the school they chose. And did I mention successful and happy and well adjusted? Good.
I am sorry this is so long and rambling. You now know you can blame the shitty writing on a lack of an education. Hunter and I had this conversation today while I was talking to him about this post.
He said, “mom, I know you learned something after elementary school. You know how to write.”
As sweet as that statement was, I disagree.
I talk and the words roll off my fingertips. To me, this writing is NO different than if you were sitting here in my living room having a conversation. I write the way I talk. That is nothing you have to learn. I am not sure it can be taught. I am simply sharing what is in my heart and head with you. I do not know sentence structure, grammar rules, how to spell, or large vocabulary words. But I can have a conversation. Thank you for allowing me to have this one here today.
