*WARNING* (Long ass post and possibly rated R.)
I am tired and alone and without my other half and that always seems to make everything a little bit harder to deal with. I am struggling with a few things. I know relationships change, they evolve and they devolve. Mine is changing for sure, I just don’t know which way it’s moving. Is it possible for it to be going both backwards and forwards? Both up and down? Today has been a day that I am not sure which way it’s going. I hate days like today. Questioning SUCKS!
When Brandon and I first fell in love and started a life together, we were the only ones that existed in our little universe. When a person from the past would pop up, all HELL broke loose on both ends. We were distrustful and protective as hell. I HATED that he had a past and he HATED that I did. If I spent time with others, he made damn sure he did it too just so I knew how it felt. We couldn’t talk to our exes privately. We read each other’s emails. We read each other’s texts. We couldn’t shit alone without being questioned. We had issues. We both knew it and recognized it. We talked often that this kind of insanity would never lead to a healthy relationship or even last.
Through the years, we lost friendships. We lost jobs. We lost businesses. We lost children. We lost parents. We clung on to each other for dear life. The more things and people we lost, the tighter we held on to us, and the more passionate we became.
We have maintained that tight hold throughout the four years we have been together. We have allowed a few things to change and evolve this last year in hopes that they were positive developments. What would have killed us three years ago is not as big of a deal today. What rules and restrictions we had for each other in the beginning are no longer applicable. And today… Well, today I want to go back to the beginning.
I love my blog. I love to write. I love to have the connection to the outside world it gives me. Last year it was the “perfect” thing. I could interact with others while sitting next to Brandon. I had both him and my friends at the same time. The blog didn’t take me away physically, and it gave me the outlet I needed. We justified it as therapy. (Because I am messed in the head and should be talking to a professional at least once a week.) This way, I can talk to, on average, 700 professionals per day, and some even offer feedback.
(MISTAKE NUMBER ONE-)But, I got addicted, once more, a flaw of mine, and I wanted more readers and more friends to talk to, (MISTAKE NUMBER TWO-)so I friended everyone I knew on facebook in hopes of growing the blog. We began networking. If I had 200 friends, Brandon could have 400 easy. He actually worked, and went to school, and was a likeable guy, (MISTAKE NUMBER THREE) so I made him join and network on my behalf. I have a lot of new friends/readers because of his stupid facebook.
Our once, very intimate, little marriage now has the blog with about 700 readers, twitter with about 150 followers and facebook with a combined total of friends at 560. I am sure there are a lot of overlappers in there, but we have a whole hell of a lot of people in our lives. Which I am so happy about, as long as they are my people and I am the only one talking to them.
I’ll let you all think about that for a minute.
Think
Think
Think
I hate his twittering with an effing passion. I hate it. Why in the hell is he tweeting? Why in the hell are all of you lovely people following him? (You are not looking so lovely anymore by the way. Sorry to be so blunt.) I hate his facebooking with an effing passion. I told him to get on and friend his friends and share my blog with them, not sit and bullshit the day away with people I don’t know… females too. I am getting pissed off just writing it.
Grrrrrrrrr. Stupid ass Internet.
Listen, he talks to people that I don’t for his business. He has a job that I am not involved in. I don’t try starting up an International business just because he does. I don’t fly across the world for two weeks just because he does. He meets his business partner for lunch at least once a week.
He works. I don’t. I have Internet friends. He shouldn’t. It seems so simple on paper.
I miss the old days. I miss the fierceness and the passion. I miss the sick feeling I got when he spent too much time in the bathroom because what if he was beating off and thinking about someone other than me? Why wasn’t he just having sex with me? What was he thinking about? WHO was he thinking about?
BANG BANG BANG.
“Open the God Damn door you sick Son of a Bitch.”
“What the hell is going on? Is the house on fire?”
“No you stupid asshole. I know you were beating off and I am going to kill you.”
“You have serious issues. I am effing constipated are you happy now?”
“Really? Really? Constipated? Oh I love you so much. Thank you for being constipated.”
Today if he is in there for too long, I don’t even care that he may be beating off. I just hope it’s me that he’s thinking about. The young me, the one with a sex drive and no fat roll.
I guess the relationship was bound to change. I don’t know how either of us could have kept up with the intensity even though I wanted us to. Though I still feel it creeping around when I see him engaged in a conversation on Twitter or facebook. I know I could tell him we were done with the Internet, but I would have to be willing to give mine up if I insisted. If there was shit going on, I would do it in a split second. Should I do it anyway because there is the potential for shit to happen? I love the Internet, but I love Brandon and this marriage more. So for now I am left to question. Is this paranoia just left over intensity, learned behavior if you will? Or is it the trust issues that we will have forever because of the foundation our marriage was created on? Either way, I have to be willing to pick my battles and be willing to relinquish whatever I ask him to give up. If I drop off the face of the earth, you’ll know why.
Welcome to my life and my marriage.
Brandon has told me from day one that I have a double standard….
I hate it when he’s right.
PS- I think it’s important to note that Brandon hasn’t been doing anything "wrong" on the internet, nor does he have a habit of locking the bathroom door to masturbate. I am just a jealous, paranoid, freak.
oh possum.
hate to see you beating yourself up and whipping yourself in to a frenzy. but i think you know the answer to this. it’s not stopping the internet for either of you.
it’s therapy. you need to do this now. for the sake of your sanity. and so the kids can see that grownups can change and learn, you’ve got to do it.
sorry to see you feeling so bad. of course it’s worse that brandon is away. but even when he’s here, it still does your head in.
therapy my love, therapy.
take care,
taff
I am one of those people who interact with both of you on twitter.
You are my friend first and foremost.
If you want me to stop following Brandon, just say the word. Actually, I’ll just go ahead and do it.
(although I will miss seeing what sort of rodent he ate for dinner in Africa) Eeeeew!
Love you Sandi. Stay strong.
Oh my… Thank you for being so forthright. I swear, I am trying to not laugh at your jealous, paranoid freakishness.
You are becoming comfortable in your relationship. Try and remember that’s a GOOD thing.
Youch. Yeah. It’s changing, sure, but it’s good…
But I know what you mean about your followers following him. It’s a little odd…although at the same time, they’ve come to know him and love him through your blog….
And yeah maybe you’re a paranoid freak, but that’s what he loved about you, so it’s a halfway-meet kinda deal, isn’t it?
Just sort it out and move on. Don’t get bogged down.
Love you xoxo
I read the last line of Braja’s comment as ‘don’t get blogged down’… it may have been a Freudian slip in reverse (my reading it that way), but it is also a perfect lead to my comment: Dang girl, I feel you! I once had a blog; I had a lot of followers. At first, I was telling secrets, and after that I used it for processing my new-at-the-time relationship with my husband, and the whole step-parent/kid thing. And the occasional anecdote. And stories about vacations. Normal bloggy stuff, y’know? I had a lot of followers. And it got to be too much. The commenting by others on my life-in-progress. And, before I quit that blog entirely, I saw, from outside, husband/wife blog wars. Sad.
I guess what I want to say is, this post reminds me of things I’ve seen in the past. I would totally get it if you just up and disappeared. I hope you won’t. I love your crazy kids & family life blogging! But I would understand.
Rachael
ps I only followed Brandon on twitter because I thought that’s what all the cool kids were doing. I haven’t seen any of his updates in a while. Suddenly now though I want to know what kind of rodent he’s been eating in Africa! -shudder-
just relax…have confidence that you are the only woman that matters in his life. Show him that you trust him by not being bugged by his twittering.
now I’m jumping over to follow him on twitter because of the rodent comment also.
I don’t follow Brandon on Twitter, but perhaps the reason people follow him is because they find your life fascinating, your stories funny & endearing & heartwrenching, & they want to know more about your life. Maybe they think Brandon will Tweet or FB something interesting about your life. Maybe?
I understand how it would bother you. But taking it too far will eat you up inside, it can infect your relationships, & drive you batty. If you are feeling swallowed up by those feelings, talk to a professional…there is nothing wrong with getting help and chewing through emotions! (((hugs)))
Jodi-You are dead to me.
Unfortunately, as my mom told me, “All relationships become ‘comfortable’,” and my psychology teacher, “You won’t always have those chemicals coursing through your body that give you ‘butterflies’”.
It sucks, but I’m sure it happens to all couples. I think those who say otherwise are liars.
People change, people grow…. separately and together.
And I don’t care what anyone thinks, jealousy is normal. To worry about losing someone you love and care about is normal. Some of us just worry more and act on our feelings more than others.
XOXO
Oh sweetie! This happens when he is away doesn’t it? Its got to be hard thinking about the precarious nature of his work and sending him to a volatile country… and then fear starts to feast on itself… and then everything is a threat, blogging, twitter, etc.
I have always, and will always come here for you! Its your writing, your thoughts and your heart that started that beautiful family of yours… I always go back to that… you will get through this too. Nobody has the resilience you do, nobody!
“Jealousy is most common when somebody feels insecure, mistreated, threatened, or vulnerable in a relationship. If you feel secure in a relationship, you don’t get jealous. Jealousy is not the problem; jealousy is the SYMPTOM of the problem.”
I have taken this text from a site about polyamory – not appropo here, obviously, but these people need to know and understand jealousy and how to deal with it.
As for you – you seem not to know what a STUNNING person you are – and by that I am not referring to your ample physical beauty, but rather, to your heart and mind – which any and everyone you meet can see, whether you can or not.
I can understand why he loves you and is totally committed to you – because if it was me, I would be, too.
Everybody comes with some kind of baggage or other, Sandi. Everybody. Just wrap your arms around the fact that you two are together and always will be – forget about what went before and concentrate on what’s ahead of the two of you. Together.
Damn! Now I want to follow ‘cos Fear Factor-style eating intrigues me.
Don’t worry, Sandi, I won’t follow Brandon. I’ll just have to imagine he eats hippogriffs and such.
I think Brandon’s amount of followers is due in part to this blog and the interest readers have in both of you, not anything naughty.
Just Taff had a good suggestion. Try a little therapy FIRST to be sure you aren’t losing your mind and imagining nonexistent horrors happening on the web. It’ll be hard with the kids so manybe you could find one who can come to your house where you could have a meetup in the backyard away from the little ones.
Sandi, one thing I did, was any female who FB “friends” my husband, gets a friend request from me. That’s just the way I roll! LOL!
Seriously, I was looking at my husband’s friends and noticed that a lot of the gals he graduated with were still status single, so you bet that I added them as friends. Not that we have any problems, but I just feel like that they needed to know he’s taken and he’s mine!
Double standard is fine as long as you have double Ds.
This post makes me insanely grateful that my husband has zero interest in the internet. I keep asking if he’s interested in joining facebook and he keeps saying, “Hell no”. He hates all that stuff. Thank goodness, because I am the jealous type. He could care less that I friend guys on there I graduated with that are single (and believe me, I’ve done nothing wrong, haven’t messaged them, nothing like that), but if he had lots of friends that were women my jealousy would rear its ugly head.
Do you think you’re having an especially difficult time with it right now because he’s out of the country? I always find that when my husband’s on a business trip, my emotions can run wild.
Oh, and this tweeting thing? I still don’t get it. I have an account, but never, ever go on it. Doesn’t make any sense to me.
I am with ALyson, I got off FB because of the security of it all, or the lack of! And YES missed it for a bit – but have far more free time on my hands.
THere is NOTHING worse then a jealous wife -shows all of our bad points and not the fabulous ones!
So trust your husband and I am sure he only has eyes for you and you for him – taking away the puter stuff will not fix what you feel inside..
i think your past is definitely shading how you see things currently. holding a loved one to a double standard, even if you admit to it, still can put everyone in a bitter situation.
but as an aside, isn’t it sort of flattering to you that your writing is done so well and is so interesting that people are not only following you on twitter, but following brandon too? maybe they’re trying to catch some more info on you by following him. i know you said that he has people from his old social life, personal life, work, etc., but from the comments above, he does have followers that are clearly your fans.
I’m a new reader…I don’t follow anyone on twitter. In fact, I tried twitter for about a week and then thought “what in the world is this?”. Facebook….I fb’d for 1 day and knew it had the potential to do damage. My thought is to keep your blog and ditch twitter and facebook(both of you)Just my 2 cents. I say, if it makes you feel bad(discourages you) don’t do it. Anything that has the potential to hurt a marriage is not worth it.
I think anyone who has ever been married can relate to this post in at least some small way.
My husband had a girl from high school send him a friend request on Facebook and it made me sideways.
We were reading our marriage devotional last night and it said that where there is smoke, there is fire. Thus, if something makes you uneasy or whatever, then you can (and should) delete it from your life without feeling any guilt.
Maybe you can go back to reading each other’s stuff? We have each other’s passwords but don’t use them, it just feels better knowing we could if we wanted to. Does that make any sense?
From an outsider’s perspective, it looks like he loves and adores. Man, marriage is HARD. If anyone knew in advance just how hard it is, probably nobody would ever get married, LOL.
P.S. The part about being in the bathroom too long just about made me die. Die with empathy, that is! I can totally relate! Ha! My husband would kill me for saying that, I bet!! I’m going to make my husband read this post, ASAP.
Uh Oh! This is a tough one. I probably have a unique perspective on this one seeing as how I’m pretty much the lone testosterone poisoned regular commenter on your blog. As I’ve become more bloggilly smitten with your family, (it’s the kids, they are incredible) this has given me a few moments of serious pause. Despite harboring absolutely zero ill intentions, (ill intentions=code for sexual motivations) I still tread lightly because all women believe men only think about sex, sports and food. (note to self; begin brainstorming sports illustrated swimsuit cookbook.) But Sandi, relax, you got a keeper in Brandon. Remember a few weeks back when you where a raving PMS Bitch? I left a jestfully snarky comment for Brandon to come on over and hang in the garage, drink beer, fart, cuss, go fishin’ etc. Real men escaping the horrors of Estrogen Hell. Remember his reply………abandonment doesn’t help but cleaning the house does….(I’m parphrasing) THE MAN WENT AND CLEANED YOUR HOUSE! That boy is a stud! My advice is embrace your love for each other and explore new things together instead of shutting things down. Besides, if it wasn’t for your blog, not a single one of us fans would have been able to form mental images of a full blown Pickle search after the gate got left open. Smiles, steve
I do not blog, Facebook or Twitter. I rarely text. I have many friends, of course, who do. They harass me to no end to join, and I resist. I have dear friends who cannot take the time to answer an e-mail or phone call but spend countless hours a week “harvesting crops” on Farm Town. They “talk” to people from high school who didn’t give a shit about them twenty years ago, and still don’t if the truth be told. I cannot understand how for so many, Facebook, Twitter, texting, etc, has replaced REAL relationships. I don’t know you or your husband and don’t follow either of you on Twitter, but my advice to anyone who spends a lot of time on the computer/Blackberry is to step away. Work on the relationships in life that MATTER. In the end, I am certain that nobody will say, “Damn. I should have spend more time blogging/texting/Facebooking/fill in the blank. I fear that we are raising an entire generation of computer orphans. Yes, Mommy and Daddy are “there.” But they are not THERE. And finally, before I step off my soapbox, I’ll add that my cousin is an attorney who practices family law. In the past year, EVERY divorce case she’s had has involved Facebook or MySpace.
Fortunately for me, my husband is a technophobe. The day he opens a Facebook account is the day we will need marriage counseling due to my trust issues. I would NOT be able to handle that.
Obviously I can’t answer this one for you, but I can hope you find a solution that keeps the paranoia to a minimum.
And God Bless You, you jealous, paranoid, freak of a friend, ’cause I am sitting right there beside you, embarassingly enough! This is the crap that’s left in our heads and our hearts when we’ve been through what we’ve been through. We weren’t created with the tools to do this, not this way, and yet we must. We must, because life goes on, and our hearts learn to love and trust again. And our children are watching intently as we strive to do it right so they can learn and grow. Love and trust again now, my friend. That man loves you. Y’all are going to be okay…better than okay, in love, doing life together, because both of you choose to each and every day. Hugs and Kisses to you.
I agree with Mimi…keep the blog as your outlet, and maybe both of you lay off Facebook for a while. My husband and I both use FB to keep in touch with friends and family, and that’s it. When either of us gets a new friend we tell the other one. And our rule is no exes, even if they were way back in HS.
The other thing I wanted to say is that since I’m a military spouse I know how hard separation can be. Even the most rational, sane person can begin to imagine the worst. Don’t. It will drive you crazy. It IS driving you crazy. Just remember, everyone else is virtual, you are the real love of his life.
Thought of you and this post a lot today but didn’t comment cause I didn’t think I had anything to say…but then I changed my mind.
Sandi – you are amazing! You have a husband that is madly, crazily in love with you. You see that in the sweet things he does for you and the sweet comments he posts on your blog.
I remember when Ben and my relationship changed from the sex mania to just comfortable. I totally freaked and thought we were done for. It was also around the 4-5 year mark. The fact is I think that is when most relationships start to change. The thing is i bet you love him more now than you did a year or even 2 years ago…and the same goes for him I am sure.
If the blog is driving you apart…I will miss you DEARLY but Brandon is your no. 1 and needs to stay that way.
I have a book that I would love for you to read…it is called “Between Husband and Wife”…it is about marriage and how your relationship changes and sex life in marriage changes over time. It gives a lot of solutions and things you can do to help prevent these things and help your relationship get better. I read it before I got married and have read it several other times! Hope that helps some!
Anyway I was just thinking of you so I thought I would leave a comment…sorry it is so long! Take care and know that Brandon loves and adores YOU!!!!
Sandi my dear…I think your post today touched something in each and every woman that read it..whether they were willing to admit it or not. Women are just jealous by nature, PERIOD. Jealousy is usually caused by a symptom of something. In my first marriage I was 150% sure we had the perfect marriage, NOTHING would happen with us, NEVER worried about anything, never gave a second thought…haha, boy was I the fool.
I struggled the first few years I married my now husband. The man was a saint, he stuck thru all of my horror, name calling, constant questioning whether he was in the bathroom taking a shit or texting someone I should be worried about. It was driving my marriage insane not to mention myself! My husband has never given me any reason to question him or our relationship. Now I know how you and Brandon started out, BUT you have to let that go my dear. That man loves you so freaking much and I see it in just the small, few things I have read about him and his comments. I don’t twitter and I have seen twitter cause affairs, and major trust issues between spouses. Okay so no twitter didn’t cause affairs but you know what I mean. I want to offer ONE piece of advice. TRUST YOURSELF ENOUGH TO TRUST HIM REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU TWO STARTED OUT…TRUST YOURSELF TO TRUST HIM! Baby steps, and then as you see in those baby steps you have no reason to be concerned you can move on to larger steps and so on.
We all go thru that lull in marriage and that is okay. I think of it as this…when I look at my husband I absolutely adore, worship and love that man with all of my being. Are we passionate, have all that lala stuff anymore…? No, but we take time every single day even if its 10 mins in bed to talk. You have to realize you have a huge family so trying to fit in blogging, twittering, facebook, kids, meals, and time for hubby…something has to give…Drop the twittering or fb…I will be sad if you drop blogging. You are real and I love that about you. How will I be able to follow you and someday knock on your doorstep to say “Hey lets do lunch and shopping?” Hang in there my dear, you are much more normal than you think…either that or I am fucking nuttier!
You are so funny…”sick son of a bitch” I can hear you saying that & I am laughing.
I have so many thoughts of what to say.
TRUST? Trust is huge and after almost 20 years I hate to admit I do not totally trust my husband. He gave me reasons to feel this way. I know he loves me but the fact that I, yes I, do not trust him causes lots of problems. All of which I tend to bring on myself but then blame him because of what he has done in the past. Like Brandon, when it comes down to it, he really did nothing wrong…I don’t know if your post makes me feel more normal or like a jealous paranoid freak as well?? I think I feel better because I know for a fact how much Brandon LOVES you & is IN LOVE with you & you (we) still ? things. We both need to spend more time reminding ourselves how much they do love us & less time thinking they do not. This negative behavior (in my opinion) is why good relationships go bad. You need to feel good knowing he loves you & if he is not at work, he is with you, your kids & is in your bed at night.
Here is my friendly advice….stick with the blog & forget about the rest….of course he should do the same. Twitter & fb are optional and can cause lots of problems in my opinion. Blogging is like a scrapbook & I know we both enjoyed that when we could make time for it. This is why I always tell you I love the pictures. It is easy to get caught up in all the internet drama but I find it refreshing to back off & live life instead of living behind a computor screen. I have my little blog & I think 12 followers….hardly any comments but I love it, it is my scrapbook, my outlet & does not cause me any trouble!
Everything should be an open book in a relationship but that being said it is also MUCH nicer when you know it doesn’t have to be. TRUST….what a wonderful, complicated thing.
Tough stuff, my dear. You’re a fine woman to admit what you’re feeling, whether it be paranoid or not. No advice here, I am no master of marriage, that’s for dang sure. Sending good thoughts your way!
I blog and social network more than my husband because I am at home waaay more than him. Blogging is like my 2nd job. =D
The little he does online does not and will not ever compare to me because I have more time to access the web. We will never have the same “rules” because of that. I don’t care about the little bit he gets o do in his free time because I do a whole hell of a lot more.
Meaning …
You and Brandon will probably never match up when it comes to social networking and/or blogging. It’ll be sort of a give and take.
Hell, just the other day The Hubster asked me to create a blog for him. I’m like “what the hell?” Seems my blogging got him a little interested in joining in on a few conversations himself. After my initial “huh?” reaction, I will set him up on Blogger. He won’t do as much as me, but he will feel he’s a part of something I enjoy, no matter how small.
Oh Sandi, your gorgeous woman. Not sure what to say. I purposely have found the internet to be wonderful yet also a dangerous kind of place and it nearly wrecked a relationship I had with someone too when the jealousy thing raised its ugly head. I now keep a happy compromise. I dont do face book, or twitter. I dont really interact with others via email or messenger or phone (I dont have time). I dont think there is anything wrong meeting up with bloggers for lunch though – you need other friends. I blog when I can and read others blogs. Personally I think women like to do the social stuff more than men anyway. You will work it out, you love each other and relationships are hard work. It will be better when Brandon is home again and you can sort it out. The internet and social networking will always be here but they come a last place to the ones I love. I see my blog though as my hobby and I am entitled to have that. Take care, your honesty is always so refreshing.
Sandi having been in a crappy, unhappy and cheating relationship before I know how hard it is to trust in a new relationship. It is hard work and sometimes giving up sounds so good. But work through it, don’t build the new good relationship on fear that the bad will happen again. It took me almost 20 years to realize that I had to be happy with me before I would be happy period. I have to learn to trust and I have to give the chance to be trusted. Cheating sucks- it hurts so much that I wanted to smother my new husband for fear he would talk or look at someone else, but I was driving myself crazy. It took so much soul searching that I almost went mad, but it feels so good to know now that I have a relationship worth being in and that we both can still have friends and acquantices in the outside world, yet come home to the one we love and know it will all be OK in the end. I heard time and again the old sayings of “Once a cheat always a cheat” and “Men are all dogs and they cheat” and I was choosing to believe that when in fact, when I started listening to my heart and doing the right things in my house, for me and for him, I realized that the people who were telling me those things are the ones that are not happy and didn’t want me to be happy either. I’m showing them and you can too!! Smile and don’t either of you chase away the best thing that has ever happened to you over crap brought from those past relationships.
Sandi,
I don’t comment often, but read almost daily! I just had to comment this time. What I am getting from your recent post(comments off- I cheated, see?) is that this is your social “out”. 14 kids doesn’t allow for much socializing, and this is the way you can fulfill that need. It is a need, one that you should not feel guilty about fulfilling. It is also your creative “out”- this you should absolutely nurture and protect. This is YOU! A mother of 14 and a wonderful wife to Brandon is not all you are, and shouldn’t be all you are! That being said, you and Brandon need to learn to trust each other. I know the history, I know how hard that might be, but it needs to happen for you both to survive and still remain your true selves. Read books, go to therapy, tell each other every single detail of your daily life, do whatever it takes. Is there any small inkling of not trusting yourself? Is that why you can’t trust Brandon? Vice versa? I am his fb friend, I see his updates, and they are harmless and funny! I don’t know why I felt so compelled to write this, but I did. I hope in some small way it helps, because I hate to see anyone going through this shit. Best to you both.
Sandi, I love you. I’m just gonna leave it at that.
Sheesh … I go out of town for a few days …!
Sorry about the Twitter thing, babe.
I shouldn’t have interfered.
xo
P.S. the bathroom thing? Slayed me.
k, i haven’t been on in a while. I am basically caught up.
my 2 cents. this is all normal sandy. Normal for the conditions of your marriage.
You have only been married to Brandon for like 5 years if that, right?
Trust, trust and all the bumps and bruises that comes with it. you are protective of what you have because you love him and he is a good thing. He is the same with you. But, how can trust grow if you don’t lengthen the leash. How can you trust your child to listen to you if you not to go in the road if you don’t allow him to go near the road. You know the boundaries for children and you are approaching new boundaries in your marriage. You are growing and trusting more. Growing pains are painful but are ok.
I get a tinge of jealousy when my dh is conversing with old HS friends who are female. I know the feelings of excitement I get when I talk to old HS male friends. I don’t have sexual thoughts about them nor want to. I am sure he doesn’t have sexual thoughts about them either, his female friends. But, what is mine is mine.
NORMAL feelings. But, I try to keep them in check and not go postal on my man, because no one likes a jealous wife and who wants to drive him away. I let it brew and practice how to say something without coming across jealous or bitchy.
I usually start with. I have a lot of fun talking to my old HS friends. It makes me feel so young again and brings back good times, How do you feel when I am chatting? then I tell him, I don’t like it, but I know you are just talking. I just want you to be careful, as I will too. Set your boundaries and remember we don’t joke or dance around sexual innuendos or things like that because it just opens the doors to a path we both don’t want. All satan needs is a crack so, I’m just letting you know that I am being careful, and I hope you are too.
We have talked about these things. he has my passwords and i have his. I have checked a few times. He says he hasn’t but I don’t care if he has because there is nothing to be found.
You are just growing your trust and protecting what’s yours. I know my husband has had a past and I too. I just have to trust in our relationship. If you feel things bring them up. But, bring them up with a purpose to disspell anger and distrust. Bring it up to build trust and a closer relationship. Everyone goes through these feelings of trust.
wow..
this? makes you look a little insane..
just sayin’
Why can’t he have internet friends? Why can’t he have Facebook friends?
I think perhaps a talk WITH an actual professional would do you the world of good, rather than rely on your followers for advice.
And even though you know he’s not doing anything he shouldn’t there are obviously lack of trust issues on your behalf, they won’t go away on their own.
You are really messed up.