My first born has reunited with the pack. We got him home from Asheville yesterday. The kids were delighted to see him. They swarm, and pounce, and frolic much like puppies. It lasts for about half a day and then the snarling, growling, and fighting ensue. Because just like a pack of wild beasts, we all have to find and declare our place in the hierarchy.
We go through this every break. When all the kids are here, dynamics instantly shift. I, too, find myself bounced around in this not so graceful dance. In fact, lets call it what it is, a mosh pit, because that feels like a more appropriate word than dance.
When Bronson is away, Shaylee likes me. When Bronson is home, those two form their own pack and only seem interested in socializing with us after we have a kill. ( money or groceries.) Bronson becomes Shaylee’s BFF and I am not a friend any longer. For some reason I turn into the enemy. My two beta’s are off to find their own pack, while trapped within the confines of this one for the summer. Hunter and Hadley, my usual beta’s, are thrown out of the number two spot by the wolves that truly don’t have a place in this pack any longer. It’s a bloody fight, and I have learned that it doesn’t happen unless Bronson is home. They have their own private jokes and chit chat and I feel like I am left out. The only time I get let back in, is if they turn on each other. Then, this wolf gets to don her black and white stripes and whistle and play referee. Alone, Shaylee is a joy, a huge help, and friend. When Bronson arrives, I don’t feel like I am gaining a child, I feel like I am losing two.
*It’s important to note that this didn’t happen when Eric was here. It is only the Beta Male that brings out the fierceness of my daughter. She goes from attack mode to ignore mode. It doesn’t matter what I do, it’s not right. These are the days I know that sending my children off to school was the best thing I could have ever done, not only for them, but for my mental health as well.
I was hoping this break was going to different because Shaylee arrived home first and spent a week acclimating to the routine, to me, to the kids. But last night, when I climbed in bed, after being attacked by my female beta, I realize this is the life of the pack. It doesn’t change, break after break it is the same.
The other difficult thing that comes to light when these two are home is that Brandon is NOT their father. He treads lightly. I tread lightly. The beta’s don’t tread at all. They bound around with little regard. In a normal functioning pack, the Alpha male would show those two punks who was boss. One loud bark, one sharp bite, and my beta’s may fall in line. But in this pack, it doesn’t happen. Brandon refuses to take a parenting role with them. They may respect him, and they may appreciate very much what he does for them, but they don’t show it or express it. All Brandon sees is two punk ass beta pups that he spends all of his money on, that don’t even acknowledge him, or obey the simple rules of the house like, food stays in the kitchen, or put your dishes in the dish washer if they are dirty. So where does that leave me? Defending the beta’s who don’t deserve it. I am the one the finds myself alone. Well, maybe not alone, but I find myself without an Alpha or a beta. I find myself hanging out with the omega’s and wondering what the hell I did to end up there.
It’s only day two with the pack in turmoil. We will see if we make it through the hunting season as a collective group or not. Because when we don’t function as a pack, we turn on each other and bloodshed will occur.
Stay tuned tomorrow for week in pictures and more from Animal Planet.
I am sorry for the change of the “pack” situation. Wish there was something I could say or do but honestly there isn’t other than {{{{hugs}}}}
Oh and by the way, we found someone for our Ladybird. It was completely bittersweet!
HOLY SHIT!
Regardless of the chaos, those photos are something else. If you didn’t have a narrative, I would think things were perfection from the photos!! Other than that, it seems that things are perfectly normal for a big family!! hang in there!!
You’ve been through this before, and made it out ok. (((HUGS)))
Good luck finding the perfect balance.
Sorry for the pack-chaos! I can only imagine what it must be like! Despite the pecking order problems, it is good for the big kids and the little ones to have that time together, even if they DO squabble through much of it!! Deep breath, Sandi, it’ll all be ok in the end!
That is the cutest picture ever. On the deeper issues, the dynamics, the cruelty to mom, I can’t say I know because mine are so little, but I feel for you. Hurtful and infuriating. An attachment counselor said something to me once that I hold really tight in my heart: You have to really love and trust someone to show them your anger and rejection. Now, when my kids are shitty, I think, wow, they are showing me their deep and abiding love. Lol.
Okay… I’m dying to know. When you switched over to wordpress, what did you use as a reader? I’m trying to switch but it’s kicking my butt.
I so feel you!!! That is how our house is and it was also how the home I grew up in was, but now we would all kill for each other and not just kill each other. Eventually they will let you know how much they appreciate all that you and Brandon do for them!!
I’m sure as his mom you don’t really want to hear this, but Bronson is such a hottie! Are you SURE you want to let that boy go off to New Orleans all by his lonesome? ;o)
Sorry your pack dynamic is changing. I’m married with a 2-year-old son (albeit only 23), and my mom and I are still having trouble defining our roles when she’s in my home or I’m in hers. I think it’s kind of a lifelong thing.
Wow.
Wow, I am sorry that you have such pack issues!
You know, you could always use the guilt to get them to respect Brandon(he works so hard-just so you can have nice school,clothes,etc. you should treat him with more respect. He doesn’t have to do anything for you,etc. This is his and my roof and if you are under it you will be respectful, etc.) I went to Catholic school-guilt is my speciality! LOL! You guys are in my prayers.
The decision has been made. Once the word TEEN attaches itself to my little one’s ages, they get shipped off to grandma’s.
Brons and Shay are like Tone and I. They have been through hard times together and helped each other through it so they have a good bond. I’m sorry you feel left out, that would suck. On another note, Bronson is getting so cute! I think its his tan but he is definately growing up. I love you. Thanks for stopping by the beach to hang out.
i have no advice but i really enjoyed reading how you described your house hold so well! I’m sure sending the older two out to school has given them their independent wings quicker. But, they should be able to honor the simple rules of the home. That is showing respect to you, brandon, and their siblings. It isnt hard. It’s just a rule and unfortunately, you being the mama bear has to enforce it. Whether you gently do it, or you bite them into obedience. A small reminder. WE don’t ask much of you. Brandon is not your father but he provides and does a lot. These are house rules that make our large family function. Please help me to enforce this for the little kids.