Lucky Thirteen and Counting

I wish I could say that going to the Zoo with all my kids alone was the highlight of the day, BUT we came home from the zoo with three cameras, all with SIM cards, and took turns loading the pictures from the day at the zoo into the iphoto on my computer. 

Along with the still shots, we had movies from the camcorder that needed to be uploaded as well.  My brilliant child Hunter figured out how to get everything off my camcorder from the past year.  This was an amazing feat in and of itself.  We all had so fun watching the old home movies when Parker was a baby, BUT in the process, he somehow uploaded a homemade porno of Brandon and I….. YEP!  I had deleted it; I had even destroyed the actual DVD and emptied the trash bin after it was made.  I have now learned that i-dvd has a trashcan all of its own. Go figure. 

When everything was done and the kids went to bed, it was just Hunter, Shaylee and I sitting here, we opened up iphoto to take one more look at our day, and there it was, a full-blown picture of Brandon between my legs, full on porno style.  POOR HUNTER! 

Oh Lord, he is still sitting here trying to pull himself together.  I am destroying my kids, one child at a time.  Of course, Bronson, and Shaylee, and even Hadley think it is hilarious.  Hunter is traumatized.  This is usually when I say, “What next?” but tonight I am not brave enough to even utter the words!  

Hadley and Pickle got matching jammies


Shaylee and I tried forever to get these two to cooperate for a picture.  It wasn’t going to happen.  But this photo sums it up well.  
There are way too many stockings to hang by the chimney with care, so ours get draped over what ever we can find on Christmas eve in hopes that Santa sees them.  

Ty, Colby, Jasmine, Jace, Kate.

I am home! I didn’t die. And now, looking back at myself Wednesday night, on the phone to our attorney and trustee, writing a Holographic Will to include those last two additions seems silly! But that’s me, slightly paranoid.

We had a great vacation. I devoured four books, three magazines, and about ten pineapples. We hung out by the pool all day, everyday. We ate and drank on the chaise lounge in the sunshine.

We had a couples massage on the last day just so we felt like our muscles had done something! We walked on the beach and swam in the ocean that seemed so warm and clean compared to my own beach. I may be living in the wrong place. The island is beautiful and the people are wonderful. We are definitely going back. We are talking about taking all the kids over spring break, but if that doesn’t happen we will take seven of them in June. (Depending on Brandon’s traveling schedule.) It was easier to leave knowing we would come back.

It felt a lot like leaving from Newport Beach when I lived in Utah. I used to cry all the way out of town. Ten kids in the van and a crying mom was always the scene pulling out of Balboa. Now that I live in, or very near, my old vacation spot it has been hard to find a place I love as much as here. Well, I am happy to tell you all that I have found it. Maui it is.

I am off to enjoy Christmas Eve with my kids. Tonight, they get to open their Christmas jammies and their sibling present. We did a name draw at Thanksgiving and each of the kids have carefully shopped and picked that present for the sibling that they had. Some had coaching from me or the person that they were buying for, others did it completely on their own. It is always fun to watch it all unfold, or should I say unwrap.

The hours are ticking away and the electric buzz in the air can be felt. Santa is loading his sleigh and the kids are taking turns looking out the window to see if they can catch a glimpse. The cookies are made, we have a turkey in the oven and I am counting the hours till bedtime. That’s when my job begins.

Merry Christmas Family and Friends

Remind me next year what a damn nightmare LAX is during the holidays. We missed our flight. We were here two hours before flight time. We never even made it to the ticket counter let alone through security. We have now been waiting in a new ticket line for an hour. This sucks so far. I may be home in an hour at this rate.

So long blog friends. 

I am starting into the “leaving the kids anxiety” syndrome.  I am wrapping away listening to Christmas music and the “what if the plane goes down over the ocean and I die and 14 kids are left without a mother” feeling pushes its way to the front of my mind.  I am convinced it is the Holy Spirit trying to tell me something.  I fight it, and win, and know of course I am going to be fine and come home.  This is normal for me.  I do it every time I am ready to fly.  It is something I have to deal with, and it makes planning trips very difficult.  

I am running around here like a chicken with it’s head cut off, and even that doesn’t alleviate the stress of leaving.  Maybe it makes it worse.  I have completed my shopping, almost completed my wrapping, mailed off all my packages and Christmas cards. I have the laundry done. But I still need to pack the kids clothes for the overnight adventure with their father and The Nanny.  But I have discovered in the past few days, when a cold front moved into SoCal, that my children have all grown.  So, even though I am done shopping, I am going to the mall today to buy the kids long pants and long sleeve shirts that fit them.   They can’t be looking grungy. PERIOD. But it is even more important to be looking cute if they are going to be seeing their father.  I have no idea why that is important, but it is on so many levels, even the shallow ones. 

My big kids are busy taking their final exams.  It is HIGH stress in Chattanooga.  Shaylee calls so often that I feel like I am taking the finals with her.  If I ever start drinking it will be during finals week. She freaks out when she takes a quiz, so you can imagine FINALS!  I am so ready to be done with this semester!  Side note, I have no idea what Bronson’s class even are, let alone his final schedule.  He just floats through life and aces everything.  This is just another way to irritate his little sister.

Shaylee called me the other day to tell me she had found an old TV from the 1960’s on the side of the road.  She brought it back to her dorm with her friends and they were going to get it working.  I mentioned to her that even if they got it working, she would have to buy a conversion kit because in February 2009 it was all digital, no more analog.  

She sat there for a minute and said, “Are you serious? So in February all the clocks on the wall are going to stop working?”  Yep, that’s my blonde daughter…..  yeah, the one in the college prep school!  

Saturday night Brandon and I went to our very first PARTY in The OC! I was extremely nervous about what to wear and what to bring.  Since we don’t drink and I figured the smartest gift was wine, I was worried that I would get something yucky, tacky or cheap because I seriously don’t have a clue about alcohol.  But, after calling a few people that do drink, I was instructed to go to BevMo and tell them where we were going and how much we wanted to spend and they would help me out.  So, that’s what we did.  I paid $75 dollars for something that looked nice enough to set on my shelf.  I tied a Christmas ribbon on it and called it good.

The attire wasn’t so easy,  I texted my friend Molly and she told me to wear something Sparkly.  I don’t have anything sparkly, unless I have been doing arts and crafts with Kate and Jazz.  That is about as sparkly as I get.  I asked Desi what she thought I should wear and she made it even worse.  She said, “Have you ever seen The Real Housewife’s of the OC?  That’s what you want to look like.  Bling yourself out.”  Well, Shit.  I don’t have bling, or fancy schmancy things, unless I dip into my sex drawer, but come on….   

It all worked out, I tried on everything I owned and settled for white slacks, heels and a black sweater.  It was fine.

The party was amazing.  We met wonderful people, got to know some of our neighbors better, ate amazing food, enjoyed fabulous music and had a great time. I will do it more often.  And no, Warren G wasn’t there.  Sadly the G family got evicted a few months ago.  The economy has gotten the best of all of us, even rappers. Their house was foreclosed on and we miss them.  I love those kids and Warren’s wife Tenille is darling.  Even though the initial cupcake drop off was a failure, we became good neighbors with them. We still see them driving around town, and even Warren himself honks and waves!  

Is this normal behavior? Or am I just extremely lucky that Brandon only wants to have sex with me?  Or extremely stupid and naive to believe him when he tells me that?

This is how it went down.  I got an email from a friend, a married male friend that wanted to send an email to a divorced female, and wanted me to read through it. 

In this email it said how attractive he found her and that he would love to have sex with her.  He went on to say that he had never cheated on his wife and didn’t plan to, but that he talked about her often and fantasized about being with her.  She intrigued him and he wanted to get to know her better…….

WTF?  If Brandon ever even thought about sending something like that to someone he would be gone!  GONE as in dead and buried and I would be in prison for the deed. 

Seriously, if I thought Brandon wanted to be with someone else, and was thinking about having sex with other people I would be pissed, hurt and probably done with the marriage. 

But if he acted on those feelings by sending an email to tell the person that he wanted to have sex with her that in my book is cheating.  It crosses a line in my opinion that shouldn’t be crossed.  Even if this divorced female never even responds to the email, this friend stepped way out of line.  What if his wife sees this email?  I am so out of my mind about this I can hardly wrap presents.

What was he trying to accomplish by sending this email?  What does he think is going to come of it?  If he is as happily married as he says he is, does this just fall into the category of flirting?  Is this innocent?  Please let me know if I am insane.  I want to hear.