Tylon Jacob
I found Tylon while working as a phlebotomist. He was one of my regulars on a list of AM blood draws in South Davis Community Hospital. Ty was the first pediatric draw I was ever scheduled to do. I was nervous. I didn’t want to hurt a baby. I love babies! I had a pep talk the night before from my supervisor. She told me, “Never sweat drawing a baby. If you can’t hit a vein the first time in an extremity, go for the scalp. Newborn’s heads are very vascular.”
I psyched myself up the entire way to the hospital. ”Go for the head. Go for the head. This was no different than all the other veins I had been poking. A draw is a draw.”
I did everyone else on my list first. I saved Ty for the end. I walked in his room and over to his bed. He was the tiniest little black baby I had ever seen and he was sporting a major fro. He had more hair than body. My heart sank. If this baby had veins in his head, no human eye had ever seen them. I sure as hell wasn’t prepared or instructed to shave this baby. I did the draw, and, thank God, got it from his arm. I left with his blood, but left a tiny piece of my heart in that room.
I found myself thinking about Tylon for the rest of the day. I told anyone that would listen to me about this darling little baby. He was so cute and tiny and had the most beautiful eyes……
I was very excited, three days later, when his name was on my list again. I, again, saved him for last and was successful with my first poke. I took off my lab coat, sat it on the chair and picked him up and held him. He looked up at me and our eyes locked. I knew this child. He knew me. For being “mentally retarded” this baby was present. He was engaged and focused. We stared at each other for 20 minutes. I was melting fast. I sat with him in that rocking chair in his room and started flipping through his chart. This was before all the HIPAA(privacy act)laws. This was back in the day when bedside charts were just that. Hanging on the bedside. I read his diagnosis.
Trisomy 9p. (that means he has an extra piece of the 9th chromosome)
Chief complaint:
ASD, VSD, PDA (holes in his heart)
Compromised lung capacity ( his lungs only worked at 50% of their ability)
mental retardation ( because of his extra chromosome he would be severely retarded)
IUGR (low birth weight)
young maternal age (birth mom was 13)
Adoption failed
I stood up, put Ty back in bed, walked out of the room and straight to the nurses desk. I was being pushed. I wasn’t thinking. I was doing. I wasn’t conscience of the words before I was saying them. I was speaking without thinking.
I approached the desk and I asked to speak to his social worker and pediatrician. This baby didn’t have parents? He was going to be adopted but the placement failed? I had questions,BUT I had answers too. I would adopt him. I told the nurse at the desk, ”I WAS GOING TO ADOPT HIM!”
It was as if I was having an out of body experience. I was saying things I couldn’t imagine myself ever saying. I was standing there at the desk. I was writing down adoption agency phone numbers. I was calling from the nurses phone to speak to the pediatrician. I was getting information faxed to me from the geneticists. I was trying to make plans to take this child home. At some point I would wake up and realize I was a 23 year old mother of three. I was barely living over the poverty level and had a husband that most likely would say, ”What the hell are you thinking? HELL NO.”
I remember driving home that day from work. I cried the entire way. I was feeling overwhelmed and scared to death. I knew this baby had touched my heart. I knew I felt like he belonged to me. But I didn’t have a clue what to do about adopting him. If we could afford it. If we were capable. I knew I needed to get the ex on board, I knew I needed to convince him and everyone else that this child was mine. I felt it in my bones. I knew it in my heart and my head. I was his mother.
The ex was easy, he knew I was crazy, but he didn’t question me with Ty. He had never heard me so full of conviction. He didn’t know how to react other than say, “If you feel that strongly about him. Let’s try and adopt him.”
The adoption agency was just about as easy. This baby was dying and couldn’t have open heart surgery without parental consent and insurance. They didn’t seem to care that we were young, didn’t know a thing and were clearly off of our rocker. They met us on a Thursday. The following Tuesday I was bringing Ty home. I was Ty’s mom. I had known it from the very moment I held him. Tylon Jacob belonged to me. I vowed to never poke him again. I wasn’t the lab lady anymore. I was “mommy.”
We had a long road to health. I was madly in love with this little guy and terrified of having to bury him. I spent months in the hospital with him. I spent years doing feeding tubes, monitors, oxygen, medication, open heart surgery, ICU with RSV, 33 pneumonia’s, half of them requiring hospitalization. He was a sick little man and more anomalies were discovered every time a new physician looked at him. We would fix one thing but find two more things that needed to be fixed.
I know that Ty and I had made a deal long before earth. I would be his mom. He would be my son. I have never looked back. I have never doubted my decision once. I know I am capable of handling whatever I need to. Ty doesn’t have a very long life expectancy. I hate to think about the day his heart doesn’t work anymore. I hate to watch him tire out chasing the kids and having a hard time catching his breath when he runs on the beach. I hate that we don’t know when it could happen, only that it will. He has surpassed all expectations. He was never going to see his first birthday, He was never going to talk, He was never going to reach puberty, He was never going to learn. That child that “WOULD NEVER” has done it all. He is my hero.
Ty changed my life. He started it all. My mother once said, “Tylon looks like a raisin in a bowl of rice pudding.” She was referring to his skin color in our family. I knew at that moment, we needed more raisins. It didn’t matter to me that Tylon didn’t “know” what color he was, I did, and clearly others did as well. I didn’t want to hear that again. So I began the quest for more black faces. I am proud to say I now have more raisins than rice!
Awwww you made me tear up! Kudos to you for the way you live your life and the inherent generosity in your heart.
Sandi-
I love your story on Ty! This seems like it was only yesterday we were all sitting in your living room with all our kids running around, everyone with a lg. Maverick- diet coke and rubbing conditioner in Ty’s hair. To look at how far he has come, IS truly amazing. It never would have happened without the unconditional love he deserved and was very lucky to have by you coming into his life. I remember you saying that they were telling you to wait for him to be awarded to the state, he may pass away at any time and the adoption fee was expensive and your thoughts were “well if we pay this and he still dies tomorrow, atleast he died knowing that he was loved”. I have never forgotten that. You are a special person, that has been blessed with many other special persons.
@ tracy- Can you believe how fast time goes by? It was yesterday we were hanging out. I had forgotten about saying that. So funny the things we remember. I knew for sure in those first few weeks that was what was going to happen. I planned many a funerals for that little man. I hate thinking about it know. He is just my boy!
@ julie- Ty’s story is the best one. It was clearly orchestrated by a higher power. I still cry too! I am so grateful I was in the right place at the right time! Goes to show you we don’t have to be perfect or even close to it to be an instrument for good.
I am the one that is blessed!
Oh my. I love Ty Ty. He is so sweet. I remember I was having a bad day and I picked him up from school one day and he looked at me all concerned and said, “You sick?” No, I am not sick. “What’s wrong? You sad?” I love that kid.
Yup, this made me cry. Clearly you were brought into this little boy’s world to make it better, and prove to him that no-one should be left alone in life *tears* You are a good good woman!
Sandi, I take back what I said about selling out to the masses. THIS is great stuff.
I think I’m addicted to these blogs and to FB because of how fun it is to see all of my adolescent friends fast forwarded twenty years and making VERY adult decisions. Some good, some not so good, all VERY interesting!
Yay for Ty Ty! I have heard that story a hundred times but it still melts my heart. I love you Ty!
I love this story too! I think you stopped by my house after the first draw. I’m almost sure I was told you wanted Ty before “the EX”. I remember how I knew for certain at that moment you were NUTS!!! I also knew he was yours so why bother trying to talk you out of it. He scared the shit out of me and I was so worried you were setting yourself up for heartache. Hunter was scary enough and I was scared for you. Tylon has a spot in my heart and Dereks. We still talk about Ty Ty when we do haircuts and I think of him every fourth of July. I’m so glad he didn’t choke to death in the high chair! I’ll never forget what you said after that!
He is truly amazing and this shows first hand how a little “tlc” can produce miracles. I could never have done this. The hair is a story all it’s own!
Thank you so very much for sharing this wonderful story:)
Also, today I saw a woman in church who looked EXACTLY like you. You have a twin in Ocala, FL! Anyway, seeing her just prompted me to pray for you and your family:)
Thanks again for sharing such an amazing story about your family!
You have moved me to tears.
I cant even say anything else…
Well Sandi that was something. Your capacity for love is beyond most. I suspect that this great capacity to love has brought you immeasurable happiness as well as some small portion of sorrow. I wonder if we all loved to our capacity and beyond what could happen. Listen to me gush like Dr Efing Phil. Your Ty entry really pulls at that part of me I hate to reveal and explore. Good job Sandi, like DW said, maybe you can write mommy stuff and still make it good. This post was good, amazing actually, I have never met Ty and I love him after reading this post for hells sake.
Sandi,
You make me miss Ty so much. He was such a fun one to have in the neighborhood, even if he did break into my house and eat my yogurt. That is what I love the most about Ty, and I am grateful I never got the hose in my window well. He is the greatest and any of us who has had the pleasure of knowing him is blessed because of it.
Mel
Well Sandi, I just spent the better part of my laundry day reading your entire blog, not doing my laundry. My only consolation is that I only have 6 people’s dirty laundry, and that it’s been the best laundry day in a long time. It’s great ‘getting to know you’ all over again. You are an amazing woman, and I couldn’t be happier for you, your life has been an amazing journey, and you came out on top! Love your writing too, even the R rated stuff!
I still have fond memories of you in 2 different shoes…
Sandi-
Mel said it…we are all better people for having had Ty in our lives. So much sweet innocence. Thank you for following through with what your heart knew was right. I love Ty. Hose in the window well and all. I love you and all your little raisins (and oatmeal, of course,). Those pictures are precious.
I just wanted to say hi. I clicked over from a comment you left on Loralee’s Looney Tunes.
You are an amazing mom! Ty’s story has me with tears in my eyes and I don’t even know you!
I look forward to getting to “know” you better and will stopping by daily.
Awwww what a lucky boy!
Talk about divine intervention! I love this story. From what I’ve read here you seem like an amazing person with an extraordinary capacity for love. Why haven’t we seen you on Oprah?! lol
Thank you so much for writing this post. It touched something in me I wasn’t sure existed. Thanks. What a beautiful story.
Beautiful.
I have fallen utterly in love with Ty. Although I'm not having any kids in my forseeable future, I always had the attitude I would never ever ever be able to care for a special needs child. Ty has changed that. I look at photos and videos of him and my heart fills with warmth and love.
You are a beautiful mother sandi and your truly blessed!